A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm lesbian. And when I was a young I developed a crush for my best friend. We were riends for 13 years and I never told her. She broke my heart when she was dating people partly because I was in love with her but mostly because she stopped hanging out with me all together when she dated them. She is very moody and impulsive and even if we've on several occations have tried to talk about it and sort it out we never found back to being friends after a friendship breakup we had 7 years ago. Everytime I see her, still after all these years, it upsets me. I'm not sure if she's just trying to be nonchalant or if she's just being mean, but she always says the stranges things. It takes days for me to recover from a meeting with her. But now she called me out of the blue and wants to meet in june when she moves back into the same state as me. Should I meet her? As some sort of friendly gesture. We always had so much fun together as friends when we were younger.
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female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Moody, impulsive, always says the strangest things... it sounds like she is not altogether a healthy person to have in your life. After all, you said every time you see her, it upsets you. And you also said that you and she have never found your way back to being friends after your friendship breakup, despite numerous times getting together in a friendly way.
While you two had a fun friendship and it's obvious you're captivated by her, I am worried (and it sounds like you are worried) that she's not good to have in your life. It sounds like there's something weird going on: maybe she senses your feelings for her and she doesn't like it--or is not comfortable with it, or is flattered but kinda weirded out, or she's tempted to experiment but doesn't want to, or enjoys a feeling of power over you. Or the weird thing going on has nothing to do with your feelings for her, whether she knows them or not; she may just be a troubled person.
It's hard for me to say it confidently, knowing as little as I know, so I'll say it tentatively: I think this may be a friendship that is best left behind you. It is okay to look back on a friendship fondly, but not welcome that friendship back in your life. I know I've had friendships like that. A few have come back into my life and so far it is going well, but there are some friendships that I am keeping firmly in my past. It all has to do with what is healthiest for you, in your inner core. You have to look out for yourself first. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): not sure if this is how to do it. I'm the one who asked the question.
I've lived with my girlfriend (let's call her Honey) for 3 years now, and love her deeply. and no, i don't have any feelings left for the friend I wrote about, non at all.
I know it's not her fault that she didn't love me like that, but she was not a very good friend all together back when we were friends. I think I would be upset with her even if I hadn't been in love, because of the way she acted back then. It makes me angry that she's so nonchalant and ignorant when we occationally meet up for coffee. it feels like she meets up just to rub something in my face, fex about her new apartment, an engament or a trip somewhere. She never just wants to meet, there's always something "big" she has just recently done she wants to tell me about. and so i leave the meeting and feel tricked into making her feel better at my own cost. and it makes me feel stupid. every single time it's like this. and so it takes me days to recover back to myself and my good self esteem again. it's something in the way she looks and talks to me that makes me feel "wrong" or stupid or just not like the one I am now.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 May 2010):
 If you feel able to cope with it not going really well, why not meet her for lunch? Look, it's not her fault she couldn't love you back in the way you wanted. It just is what it is. So perhaps some forgiveness, on both parts, is in order here?
I wonder how emotionally invested you still are in her, though, if it takes you days to recover. That doesn't sound particularly healthy. Is she aware you are a lesbian? Are you able to be yourself with her? Or are you still pining for her or pretending to be something you are not?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): She is your friend. She was never your lesbian partner. If you want you can meet her as a friend but don't hit on her again or she will run the other way.
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A
male
reader, Felix Francis  +, writes (27 May 2010):
Dear
Meeting her should not be a problem, but do not have your own immigination low down your profile, try to analysis what is the agenda of her, act smartly share the good old days memories, do not force her for your love, ask her questions which she shows lot of interest during those break up seasons.
Keep going with life, for sure you may stumble upon something bigger, better, best than this, because life has so many suprises, taste it you will enjoy.
felix
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