A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can everyone tell me why a MARRIED woman has just asked me out for coffee??? I am married, too. Is she looking to start an affair with me or could she just like me as a friend only? Is there something wrong with two married people going out for coffee together?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): "Is your wife there to chaperone or something???"
No, your wife is there to let the other woman know who runs with her guy...and you bring her to make it clear that he runs just with her, and only with her.
If done properly, it's like a slap in the face to the person, but a very nicely politely done slap, who is trying to initiate an affair. It establishes your own boundaries quite clearly.
I've had women start talking to me about their personal lives, their problems with their husband, their divorce, the fact that they just got divorced, and just moved to a new apartment/house, live alone, etc. When this has happened, I just politely begin talking about my wife and kids, express polite regrets for the problems they are having, and how glad I am that I don't have those issues (even if I do). You don't want to be mean, you just want to discourage the behavior.
It has always worked to stop the behavior.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): I have to disagree with the advice to bring your wife along. That's just a bad idea. How are you even going to ask your wife to go? "Hey, honey. This woman I know just asked me out for a coffee. Can you come along?" Is your wife there to chaperone or something???
No good can come of the situation. If you want to pursue a friendship, a better option is to first ask your wife if you can ask the other couple over, and if you get the OK then do that. You can have them over to play cards or something, it doesn't have to consist of a meal. The better option is to politely decline, though. You suspect she may have a motive, and that's reason enough to avoid getting friendly.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I like the idea that you bring your wife with you if you decide to go.
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A
female
reader, janice201149 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 There's nothing wrong to take out and have a coffee with someone as long are the intention is pure. But if you are not comfortable with that situation don't get out with her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): The fact you even have to ask that question means you know somewhere in your heart that its wrong.
Bring your wife with you or just dont go at all. If you do, you are on a slippery slope.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I don't think it's a good idea, to be honest. How would you feel if your wife were going out to coffee with another man?? Maybe I'm not that "enlightened" or "evolved", but a married woman and a married man have no business carrying on deep, emotional conversations together, especially if they involve griping about their spouses and family life. That's just begging for an eventual affair, and then people wonder how these things "just happen" and "they never intended"...etc.
You'll discover this married woman's true intentions when she asks you out for coffee, and you insist that her husband and your wife join up for a foursome! Your reaction to what I've just suggested reveals YOUR true intentions, btw. ;)
Seriously, I wouldn't suggest playing around with this. Coffee sounds innocent, but if she's wanting friends, she should go find her woman friends to hang out with, not a guy who is married. I don't believe in crossing a line, or even flirting with it, and this puts you at risk.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): Does your wife know?
How would you feel if her husband asked your wife out in the same manner?
You wouldn't be here asking if you didn't have vibes.
If you value your marriage, go, but bring your wife along. That will send a strong message...I've done that. Things get outlined quite well.
Talk with your wife first, let her know what you want her to do, and take her along and have her do most of the talking, take a newspaper and read it most of the time, ignoring the other woman other than small intermittent talk. Don't be rude, but be relaxed, pleasant, and generally nice.
Now, she might just take it as more of a challenge, but always take your wife and never meet or talk with her without your wife present.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 No, there's nothing weird about going for coffee. Maybe she just wants to start a friendship.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Keep a clear mind.It's just coffee talk, chit chat & nothing special.
You love your wife, don't you? So you should know what you shouldn't do as MARRIED MAN. Am i right?
Lucky it's out for coffee only. If go PUB, pls object. obviously i don't agree. Enjoy....
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