A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started online dating a couple of weeks ago. I have never done anything like this before - and found it really fun. I started it because I wanted to find a nice girl to date. Anyway, I started talking to this 24 year old girl. We were going to go on a date but she cancelled (she couldn't make it). Anyway, we were talking on msn the other day, and I asked her about a coffee - she said she was very busy... so jokingly I said let's just go for an espresso - it is just 5 minutes! She responded saying a blowjob also just takes 5 minutes... the conversation went on like this for a bit, getting more sexual - which although surprised, being a guy I have to admit I enjoyed! Anyway, later on that day as a bit of fun I sent her a picture of me in my underwear... the whole thing was just a bit of fun. The next day, I asked her if she was going out, and I could get her an espresso (wink wink). In response, she asked me to send a picture of my penis... and stupidly, being quite drunk, I did (it was only from the stomach down - i.e. I can't be recognised). We exchanged some sexual texts talking quite dirty to eachother. She then asked me to phone her up, and after talking for a bit it seemed that the whole thing was a wind up and she was really humiliating me infront of her friends. I'm concerned for two reasons, firstly I feel like I've behaved really badly and feel a bit ashamed of myself and secondly, although the nude picture can't be distinguished as being me, she has other pictures of me and my contact details. Can you give any advice? I mean for example what happens if she's very malicious and set up a fake profile of me to humiliate me more? would that be illegal? I sent her an apology because I felt bad... but am concerned.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi All,
This is a message to all of you who have responded. Thanks very much for your posts, they have been great to read and encouraging!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Hello, there is nothing you can do about your drunken error of judgement...you can learn a lesson for future reference about sending anyone your body parts by phone, email or whatever else. These things can come back to haunt you in the future as you are now learning. Anyway you cannot take back what you have done and it is lucky you found out what this girl is like right now as you could have wasted loads of time on her. She is making up for her personal sense in inadequacy by torturing men online by the sounds of it. Online dating is a mine-field of people who cannot find romantic connections in the real world. I am not saying it is impossible to find someone happy and normal but you probably have to wade through quite a few bunny boilers to find a truely nice person worth dating through a website. You sound like an ok sort of person to be honest. Why not put that online dating website down and get out there to find someone in your community who likes you for who you are? As for this girl sending pictures around the internet - it would be illegal to post nude pictures on most non 'adult' websites and you could ask for website managers to take down fake profiles under the Data Protection Act (probably).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Well I dont think you need to feel too bad. Also dont apologise. She was doing sexual things with you and you just went along with it. She behaved very immature and childish here, and with regards to online dating I think you need to be a lot more careful with it. There are some people out there set out to embarrass you and do silly things and unfortunately you just happened to come across one.If she does set up a fake profile of you then yes, I believe you can sue her but she most likely wont end up in jail. Im hoping this was just a bit of fun for her and she will delete your things after all and I hope you will be more careful in future on who you send dirty pictures to. Good luck if you do decide to online date again though!
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A
female
reader, dr.2.be  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 This girl is no good. Stay away from her. Shes the type that likes to demoralize people and make them feel bad about themselves. Meaning she's either stuck up and full or herself or posses some insecurities. Plus this is very immature for a 24 year old.
I would say go out there and find a nice girl. You deserve a nice girl since you sound like a pretty nice down to earth guy. You will find her, just keep looking. :-)
Best of Luck!
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (12 July 2009):
First things first, I really hope this hasn't put you off of internet dating.
This has been a bad experiance and that girl should be ashamed of the way she behaved.
secondly you should be a little more careful when doing internet dating for this exact reason. do you think a nice girl to start a relationship with is someone who asks for naked photos of you?? this is something you can get away with once you have been dating for a while and you build a trust with eachother but if you are someone who worries about this sort of thing and you are looking for a nice girl and not just a bit of fun then be more careful and have a little more self respect.
the answer prior to mine is correct if there is a fake profile of you somewhere then yes it is illegal. On this occassion you will have to see this as a learning curve and that yes you have been used for the amusement of some girls that need to grow up.
Dont give up on internet dating just be careful! I met my boyfriend online and we have been together for almost 18 months but before we met i spoke to some real creaps online and it hard to tell the difference between the genuine and the immature.
keep with it, be careful and you will meet someone nice.
alternatively, if you see a girl when you are out the go for the traditional and walk up to her and say "can i buy you a drink" again try to avoid the immature but i know there are alot of us girls out there who would love this old fashioned attempt at being chatted up.
Best of luck
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your response... I really needed to get someone's opinion. For me the moral of the story is for me to grow up and not do dumb things, and yes, not grovel so much! :-) (I just felt like such an idiot the next morning - "what was I thinking!").
Thanks!
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (12 July 2009):
Well as someone who has done quite a bit of online dating myself I can tell you that the more picky you are about the women you associate with online the better. You can meet a nice quality girl online as you can anywhere else but one who asks for a nude picture of you is most likely not looking for anything serious with you. I think she is playing games and its up to you to have respect for yourself. Personally I would ignore her and just not talk to her anymore. Keep looking man. That is the best advise I can give you. As far as her potentially slandering you or whatever. Sure keep an eye out and if you find something take whatever action you feel is necessary.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): ok....this woman sounds like a complete idiot, and also very childish...on the other hand you sound like quite a nice grounded guy...why on earth would you apologise to her! get a backbone already..it would be illegal for her to post your man bits without your permission yes...if you ever found them on the internet..it's a big place!what she has done is just ridiculous for a 24 year old woman.I suggest you get better taste in dates and stop lowering your standard to people like her..and yes you should be ashamed I hope you've learnt your lesson!
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