A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I stay or should I go? My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for almost one. We both work, but I bring home double his pay. This is not something I ever bring up, but I know it crosses his mind regularly. I try to let him buy expensive things so he feels better about himself. He was always protective of me, and sometimes a little jealous of friendships I had. I made it a point to never go out without him to show him how much he meant to me. (Foolish and wrong I know. I do go out with friends back home when I visit, but other than that, I'm alone). About a month ago, he mentioned a new girl at his work that was really nice and wanted me to meet her. He mentions her every single day for the next week. Once in his sleep. Needless to say, I got jealous and we had a fight. Then I met her and her "boyfriend". I tell my husband that she's nice, but I don't trust her. The way she looked at him all night made me uncomfortable and the way he looked at her crushed me. Since then, he doesn't mention her much, but he started keeping secrets. I would read innocent texts they wrote to each other, and the next day, they disappeared. I read one text from a guy at his work asking my husband if "his girl was done" with something. My husband replies, "I'll ask her later". Not denying anything. That happened while I was in emergency surgery. He did stay with me through the night, but the days to follow, he couldn't wait to get back to work. He drops me off and doesn't even call to check on me. Now, when we had our first fight about her, i told him I needed more affection, more appreciation. And I got nothing. I'm still recovering from surgery and he doesn't bother to call to ask me how I am, doesn't help me with anything. But he makes comments about how messy the house is or how he's mad he has to do laundry. (Dr's orders are not to lift anything over 10 lbs for 2 weeks). To make matters worse, we don't live near any of our family, so I don't really have anyone to talk to and get a hug from. My husband always used to tell me there is nothing worse than a lie in a relationship, so why is he lying now? Do I have a right to be concerned and to worry he's cheating, or is it just his way of wanting space after denying me it for so long?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 June 2010):
You need to slow down for the moment. You have no real proof of him cheating as such. There are some signs that could cause concern, but you really know nothing for certain and could be making a big mistake. However, his behaviour elsewhere is totally unacceptable. I think you need to do more digging and find out what else is going on before you make any decision. There are no facts yet, and you need facts. But, are you right to be concerned? Yes. You do need to find out what is happening.
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