A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. When we usually go out he pays for dinner, movies, or anything else we do. I help to pay here and there. Mostly he is the one paying. The other day, he ask that we should share the cost 50/50 and that its getting a little out of hand. We do go out every week. I can understand it can be pricey. I told him we don't need to go out everytime. I don't mind staying home and cook and just watch tv. No biggy. I don't know how to take this? Because none of the guys i been with before no one has ask me to go 50/50.They usually pay for everything. However, I don't know his financial situation. Does anyone here ever goes 50/50? Like sometimes your gf buys??? Or each take turn??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 July 2015):
 I'd just say, BE prepared to part YOUR part of the meal when going out.
Which means if you are low on funds let him know that you can't afford expensive places or just suggest a cookout at home. He can bring the drinks & snacks, you will make the meal.
I have never paid on a date. I had a date one "pretend" to have lost his wallet (dumb-ass was showing me pictures of his nephew as we waited to be seated, so it wasn't LIKE he didn't have the wallet, he just wanted me to pay and figured a lie was going to work) I excused myself, paid my part of the meal and went home. When he called as asked why I had left as it was "just a joke"... I told him good luck, don't call me again.
I don't THINK men should pay. BUT if he INITIALLY ask you out, then YES he pays, he picked the place, time etc. UNLESS he tells me BEFORE the date (as in when we make plans, like are you free to go out for a meal Saturday, I know this great place, the food isn't too expensive but really good and can we go Dutch?) I'd be totally OK with paying for MY share. I'm not paying 50/50 if my part of the bill is $20 and his is $50... I'll pay $20 and $5 for the tip.
If he has a great job, and you work part time because you are in school, I would let him know that I can't afford to go out as much as he can. That way it's left up to him to decide IF he wants to go "out" and pay, or he rather stay in, or find something "cheap" to do. Like a picnic in the park.
I think after 4 months YOU would WANT to contribute?
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 July 2015):
 My fiance makes a lot more money than I do, yet I pay whenever and wherever I can. He rushes to pay most of the time and doesn't allow me to pay but I don't like the fact that he should do the bulk of the paying and he knows that, so from time to time he allows me to pay, albeit grudgingly. I have, as a matter of principle always believed in equality and have never allowed anyone to pay for me. Why should they? It's only fair that I pay for myself!
In your case, it was presumptuous of you to have assumed that the guy should pay for you most of the time. Irrespective of what his financial situation is, you should pay for yourself or at least offer to. If he doesn't want you to pay then its a different thing.
Your boyfriend hasn't made an unreasonable request; in fact, he's been honest and upfront instead of trying to impress you by flaunting his money. Also, its just 4 months, its still very early, there's no marriage on the cards...why should you take favors from him or allow him to support your outings financially?
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (9 July 2015):
 My partner and I routinely trade off paying for things. We don't keep track of who spends what, but if he buys dinner on one date I pay for it the next time and vice versa. This has been 100% MY choice and not a request from him. Since we are pretty consistent in where and what we do/eat/etc our spending is more or less equitable without needing a spreadsheet.
Personally I think the days of reasonably expecting a man to pay for absolutely everything ended when women joined the workforce. We have our own jobs and make our own money, so what makes us exempt from contributing to the cost of meals and experiences we enjoy as much as men do? I have heard it suggested that women spend much more on hair, makeup, and "maintenance" than men do and so this somehow balances things out, but... all of that is a choice on the woman's part.
That said, my partner and I both have decent jobs. He makes more than I do but we BOTH make enough to afford extras like date nights and meals out from time to time. If one of us was legitimately struggling financially the balance we struck would probably be different - I'd be happy to pay for him more often, and I know he'd do the same for me. To be honest, though, it would probably also include revised EXPECTATIONS concerning what we could afford to do for date nights, as opposed to one person then feeling or being "obligated" to pick up expensive tabs for both of us each and EVERY time.
His request isn't unreasonable at all, and if both of you keep date nights within your means it shouldn't be a problem for either of you. If you want "your" date night to be a meal at home, that's totally reasonable - just don't turn around and expect that his "turn" has to be a traditional trip to a nice restaurant. Low-key date nights should be permissible both ways or one of you is likely to feel resentful over time.
Your boyfriend's request doesn't mean he is stingy, or a bad guy. If anything it shows he's honest and he understands the importance of spending money within his means, and both of these are GREAT characteristics to seek out in a long-term partner.
To give you an example of this, I have one coworker who is gone every weekend on a fancy trip with his girlfriend - boating, skiing, golf, and yes he pays for all of it! The guy is in debt up to his eyeballs living this lifestyle he can't really afford. Another coworker makes the same money but keeps things simple with his wife - flowers, occasional dinners out, a vacation maybe once a year. He has no credit card debt and last month he bought his first house. Which of these guys sounds like a better catch in the long run?
Hope this helps put things into perspective. Good luck and best wishes!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): We earn the same amount so we split in half. We have a spreadsheet and everything to calculate it because as someone else said, It's empowering to pay your own way.
Having said that, I don't mind being treated when he feels like it because It's still true that women earn less than men for each dollar :-)
Ps, we live together so It's easier to manage money. Before living togetherwe took turns paying, depending on means
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (9 July 2015):
I've always tried to go 50/50 with guys I date. I agree with the the poster that said that if women expect equal rights, then we shouldn't expect to be "kept" and have men shoulder all the responsibility (including finances)
I'll often let a guy pay very early on in the relationship, say for the first 3 dates, especially if he's the one who's asked me out but after that, I expect to contribute. And I expect to pay if it's me that's done the asking.
It might not be exactly 50/50 - maybe it works out as 60/40 sometimes, especially if one of us earns more than the other. And if I earn more than the guy, I'm happy to shoulder the greater half from time to time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): Don't listen to those who talk about equality. Equality was about equal employment opportunities and and rights to vote. Women are still paid less than men. And there is nothing equal between men and women when it comes to sex and dating. However, nowadays I don't think men should ALWAYS pay. It all depends on what your relationships are .mif you are just dating and he invites you places than he should be able to cover the expence. If you guys are deciding together where to go and what to eat, then I don't see why it is wrong for you to pay sometimes. 50/50 I don't know about it. I once went out with a guy who was a big everything, ever and drinker. He had 6 beers and a steak everytime we went out. I had a small appetizer and one drink. My portion was 20% of the bill, I told him that I am paying ony for my portion. If he said it setting out of hand I would see it as a bad sign. It's just the way he puts it. It sounds like he is quite upset with the fact that he has to pay for everything. Ts really up to you whether you want to stay with a guy like that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): If I know my boyf is short on cash I will contribute something/pay half, he does the same for me. But we usually take it in turns for stuff like meals, trips out etcHe earns more than me and if he wants us to go for a meal but I haven't got the money and he really wants us to go he will pay for me. If is it an event that is more my thing, I will pay for him and me, as it's something I wanted to do. (For example I have paid for our tickets to a band I really like).Holidays we always pay 50/50 for plane tickets and bookings, car fuel etc, this is the only thing we split exactly 50/50 (meals/nights out again we take in turns).I like things to be fair so that it works out we both spend roughly the same on joint activities, but I cannot stand penny pinching and counting every little detail on a receipt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): Yes,I like your suggestion.Your financial situation matters as well,not only his.So you feel you can afford to stay home, cook dinner+watch movie etc. more often, then just do that.If he is not happy with it-well, then he can foot the bill.If he wants to split things 50/50, then equally it should be something you BOTH want to do.Say, he wanted to go to a sports' game with you and you have no interest in that sport-why should you pay to go?Or he wanted to go to an Arts' museum, but you have no interest in art and would rather spend the money going to a concert or whatever.Or, say you like the Minions and you wanna go see it,but he wants to see the Terminator. I don't see a problem with him seeing the Terminator with his friends, you seeing the Minions with your friends and you two finding something you'll BOTH enjoy doing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): Well I always pay 50/50 but then I have a job. It usually means my partner pays one time and I the next. We don't work things out exactly but it's pretty fair.
I'd say though that if you have a bf with a well paid job but you don't, and you do expensive things, then it seems reasonable that he should contribute more if you can't afford it. If you want to stay at home more often then that's fine but don't expect him to always pay when you go out. It's empowering to pay your own way.
I believe that if we women expect equal rights then that includes paying equally for things and not expecting to be kept. We can't have it both ways.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): Me and my fiance have been together nearly 5 years and we have always taken it in turn to pay for things. Even when we went on our first few dates, we took it in turns to pay. The way I saw it was I wanted to be on the date too, so why would I not want to contribute? Anyways, that has always worked very well with us.
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