A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Just recently, one of my friends invited this guy to a movie with me and a couple of friends.He seemed really nice, and we'd been texting each other quite a bit.He then randomly told me he liked me, just completly out of the blue.I have to say first, I've never had a boy-friend, and I've been desperate for for ages.I really like him, but the things I've heard about him, make me unsure of whether he's actually a good person to date, or whether he even really likes me for that matterHis good friend told me that he's dated lots of girls, and then just dumped them after about three days.I've heard other weird things about him from some other people that I don't know that well.I don't know whether to just ignore what other people say and agree to go out with him, or to listen to the people and decline.I've never done this sort of thing before, and I'm really freaking out.I would ask my friends to help out, but they're all on holiday outside of the country.Please, give me some advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHelloThank's everyone for helping me out. I've decided not to date this guy, I want to save relationships for people I am 100% sure about.Thank's for the advice, I did manage to contact one of my friends, who said pretty much the exact same things as you guys did, and I've come to the conclusion that he's not worth anything.Cheers :D
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 If there is one rule you must live by when it comes to your love life, it's never ever ever ever indulge feelings of desperation. Not ever. That is the enemy of dignity and can put you in some really regrettable situations.
Desperation has had women override their internal or external messages of caution that non-desperate women have heeded. Desperation has gotten women into relationships with domestic abusers, woman users, pregnant and abandoned, alcoholics and addicts, and other toxic men who take a girl like you with a promising future and turn you into a hollow shell of your former self.
There's another risk to desperation. Not only do you become vulnerable to toxic and harmful guys, you will drive away many legitimate guys, because desperation comes off as neediness or clinginess which spooks guys.
In this case, you received a pretty strong EXTERNAL warning about this guy. What makes it more legitimate is that it's from his own friend, which adds legitimacy.
"His good friend told me that he's dated lots of girls, and then just dumped them after about three days."
This guy is immature, but he's also a woman user/skirt chaser. He goes for easy. My question for you is this - will your desperation cause you to override this caution?
Never be desperate for anything or anyone. You must be whole and entire as a person, or you will be vulnerable. You are worth being loved by the right person, but your self-esteem must be that of someone who can take the world by storm, with the confidence of one who loves deeply, but needs no one else to complete them. THAT attracts guys.
I say don't date this guy. But if you do, tell him what you heard about him, and don't get physical with him until you get into a real relationship with him, which should be a few months at least. The point of that is to weed out flakes and users of women. Men who want to "bang and bolt" won't invest what it takes into a relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 December 2012):
 the most important rule for you: NO SEX OR SEXUAL ACTIVITY.
DO NOT let him feel you up... do not give him a hand job or blow jobs.
Dating takes time.
IF you date a boy on friday or staturday night (once a week at your age is about right) that means ONE date, two more days and dump? that makes no sense.
Liking a boy spending time with a boy, dating a boy and having a relationship with a boy are all different things.
IF you like him it's not a relationship
IF you hang out, it's not a relationship
IF he asks you out, takes you on a date and gives you a light kiss goodnight at your door it's NOT a relationship YET... it's a DATE..
if he does this 3 or 4 times that's about a month) and he should be in contact during the week at least one or two times... as a DATE.
UNTIL you are in a relationship daily contact is not needed.
I can't see how he can have a relationship for three days and end it. Makes no sense. I think it's how you kids define relationships. Do you thinks "If we have sexual contact it's a relationship."? NO it's not. It's just scratching an itch.
I know it seems unfair for young women to have to be this way but DO NOT PUT OUT for a boy no matter how much you like him or how desperate you are for love and affection, it's not worth the heartache when he dumps you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 December 2012):
 One thing that I forgot to mention, you said you're desperate for a BF. Just because he's the first person to show you a bit of interest, DO NOT rush into anything that you may later regret!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 December 2012):
 I have to say this 3 days rule seems really weird. Does that mean that he has sex with them and then dumps them? How does he manage to convince all the girls to do it so soon? Somethings not quite right here!
Anyway, there's no harm in dating him but just keep it at that. Be casual about it, DON'T get physical and don't be desperate about him.
All the best!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 December 2012):
Are you looking for a 3 day relationship? If this is all he's ever done, which actually sounds extremely bizarre, then go right ahead.
The only thing I can think of for why he would be interested in someone for such a short amount of time is if he just sleeps with these girls then moves on.
I don't see anything wrong with going on the date just to test the waters and find out what he's really like, but I'd be careful until you find out this guy's true intentions.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (26 December 2012):
 Be careful. Dont let your desperation be a guide because it will be a poor one and lead you up blind alleys. When it comes to the opinions of others also be cautious because everybody has their own agenda - the question is whether that agenda is the same as yours and suits your best interests.
Having said all that, there is generally no smoke without fire. What you really need to do is form your own objective opinion and trust that and that requires dipping your toe in the water to see if its hot and burns. You need to rein in your feeling of desperation because it will cloud your judgment. In practice I think the best thing would be to not agree to be his girlfriend straight away but if you do like him, and are not just desperate for a partner, go out with him socially, get to know him.
If you do like him, and what other people say is substantively true, this will also mean you hold more interest for him. You will be different and present him with more of a challenge and he will like that and respond to it if he likes you and is being genuine like that. Steady as she goes with this one, dont plunge in head first or you may get badly hurt but dont totally rebuff him if you really like him.
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