A
male
age
41-50,
*ycipher
writes:Hi there,I'm really lost and seriously do not know what should i do? I'm in a relationship with a girl. Both of us were deeply in love. Even though we do not really know each other very well before start of this relationship, but we knew deep down inside we are the right person for each other.After spending almost 2 years together. During the course of the relationship, we notice that we had the same strong character whenever we had difference. Serveral of our quarrel are mostly due to communication problems but we had manage to resolve one by one. But some of issues did surface out again despite both of us putting in effort to aviod. But overall, we still have a healthy relationship.We had even plans to get married and decide to looking around for a new home for the future. At this point in the relationship, alot of misunderstanding occurs in a very short period of time and this had deeply affect our confidence for each other. We start to question ourselves. From the start, a break up is not an option but during one of our last quarrels, i've decided not to carry on like this but i knew deep down it was only at a heat of the moment.After this,the more i wanted the relationship to work out, it made it even worst even after i've apologise and regreted of make such a decision.A couple of weeks later, she had decided not to carry on and wanted us to remain as friend. As much as i would like to, i can't bring myself see her as just my friend. She was very firm in her decision and there's no way i can change the outcome. Even after crying every night for 2 months,i've decided to try again and plead her to reconsider, but she was still very determine not to get back and said: "I've already lost hope in us even before the break up" This statement is extremely hurtful to some extend, i cant help but feelin very foolish.After that night, i've really need to tell myself not to think about her anymore. I'll try to recall what she said that night to stop me thinking about her.For the next 5 months, i buried myself in work and studies and recently i notice that she tried to aviod me by blocking my msn and deleted me away from her friendster. For the first time, i try to look at the photos we took in the past and it felt like those photos and videos were taken recently despite it was taken 2 years back. I noticed that maybe i've finally let go of this realtionship only just, that's why i'm feelin the break up just offically started.I'm puzzled by her action and i really wanted us to remain as friend as i'm in a better state now to accept this fact.I called up and wanted to meet up to clarify everything and to tell her in person that we can still be friends. She agreed to meet up after work but did not stated the time. In the end, she left her office without a word and thought that i've already left. Feeling disappointed and just about to leave, someone whom i know saw me and told me that she had a new boyfriend. I did not cry this time as i told myself that it's all over, but i'm feel very moody after knowing this and i also do not have the chance to speak to her about what wanted to say. Should i just carry on with my life and should i at least write an email to her? I'm really lost...
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a break, confidence, msn, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): it is a poor thing when we have to break up with someone we love. all the memories we had during the time of the
hello...
relationship will always make us warm inside urging us to get her back. moving on is a way to do it. as mentioned, your ex got a new partner. thus speculating that she already got her sights for the exits when she can't bare anymore and with a new candidate in sight she took the initiative to end it. so she had planned for herself the recovery plan after the break up by finding new love.
it is true that you love her so much, as many people said that life goes on you have to get over this. distract yourself so that you would have to make yourself being depressed all the time. surely the early stages are painful but you live with it.
the real lesson for each break up is actually learning from it.the things that made her happy can be a sign of how you should handle a partner.while those quarrels that were resolve seem to make a good way for you to handle the same problems again in the future, the unresolved problems during this relationship can prepare yourself to figure out a resolution to make sure you stray away from the same end again.
so in my opinion, move on from this episode and live out your life being single. when the time that you would start love all over again, make use off the goods and bads of the previous one to overcome the same outcome.
good luck
A
male
reader, dycipher +, writes (14 March 2008):
dycipher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks peaches83!
Yes, I would like move on as well.
Recently i've taken courage to look at the photos again after so many months, it seems that these photos were taken not long ago despite they were taken almost 2years back. Maybe all these while i'm living in denial of the breakup that's why i felt as if we had just broken up not long ago.
As for the last i did of wanting to be friend with her again, i did not call or email her after the incident. I guess i can see the whole pictures of her intention of doing all these. Maybe the whole idea was not right at all, i must not bring myself back to where i started.
I'm trying my best not to think about it anymore.
Love is really complicated....
Thanks again for your answers, really appreciate it :)
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A
female
reader, peaches83  +, writes (14 March 2008):
 I think the best thing is to carry on with your life, by contacting her and maybe getting a respose its quiet possible that the old you will come back and the feelings will really still be there. She has moved on and got herself a new man, maybe yu should do the same.
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