A
male
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anonymous
writes:HiI have been seeing a beautiful caring girl for a year. We love each other and see says i'm kind, caring etcHowever, recently I lost my temper with her when i was drunk and was verbally abusive. I didn't hit her or anything, just shouted whilst arguing. This was totally out of character for me and i have never ever lost it with anyone before, let alone her. I have recently starting taking anti depressants and only lost it whilst drinking. Even when i have drank in the past this behavior never ever happened before. I do also take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for my actions. I don't drink now and am in full control. However, my behavior on these 2 occasions has made my girlfriend doubt us and really believes i have a 'darkside'I know i'm in control now( as i always have been) and won't do it again but its changed things with my g\f. How can i redeem this/ will she ever see me in same light again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I agree with what has already been said. You girlfriend has had a big, big fright. One thing which needs to be considered is that MOST people would warn her about this being a possible danger. So obviously your responsibility is also to understnad the external guidance which will be understandable, which she is following. That is being smart irrespective of any love she has.
The only thing I could suggest is to show her that you are also concerned by attending something which may help sort this out for you. I understnad the logic that this was perhaps 'out of character' because of the drugs and booze, but it could be considered that this is part of your personality which is normally just supressed and under the right circumstances or environment it will rare it's ugly head again.
In the event this could be possible, and if you have dealt with it responsibly, then perhaps the relationship could get back on track. It is not something which will be forgotten or reassurred for her or go away unless she see's that you have been completely aware, in control and have had sucessful professional guidance to take on this new discovery about yourself. She wants gaurantees, especially when her personal safety is at stake!
I sincerely hope this sorts itself out for you and I think that just the fact that you have addressed it here, is an awesome and promising sign for you. Your not hiding away, which alot of people do, so well done for that.
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reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (12 March 2008):
 avoid drinking on antidepressants as this can have dangerous effects on your mood.
explain to her that there was an interaction between the medicine and the drugs you are on and explain it properly.
dont combine these drugs and control your behaviour better
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A
male
reader, CorpusDei  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 That's a difficult one to answer, primarily because we have only your side of the incident. My first reaction is to tell you that alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and you might do things that you would never do while sober. Knowing that, though, you should realize that alcohol did not _make_ you do something, it only lowered your resistance to a temptation that was already there. On this occasion, your anger was there, as it always is, but you did not have the inhibition to keep it in check as you would do while sober.It's very good that you've stopped drinking, and that's the first step to resolving this. Let her know how much that this incident concerned and frightened you and that you're taking steps to get to the root cause and become a better person. What I would suggest from here is that you get some stress control and anger management therapy, or some couples counseling. At the minimum, discuss this with the doctor who proscribed the anti-depressants, he may want to move you to something else in case this was a side effect of the alcohol/anti-depressant combination.A while back, I had a number of anger issues that caused me to lash out at my girlfriend in much the same way. It's difficult, but a counselor or therapist can provide you with the ways and means to bring that under control, but I can tell you from experience that it can be done, so best of luck to you and your girlfriend.
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