A
female
age
36-40,
*ee0626
writes:I am seriously at a loss. . . I am 23 and my husband is 30. We used to make love ALOT. But as of this year it has gone down drastically to just once a week that barely lasts 15 minutes! I understand that he stresses about work, and he is an excellent father to our children, but being a housewife has really left me feeling alone. I try not to nag him about mundane things, but he still acts a little insensitive towards me. I told him how I felt without suffocating him, and left it alone. I am a good looking woman, and very affectionate. My sex drive has only skyrocketed when I became a housewife and i've tried so much! I dressed in skimpy/slutty outfits in the bedroom, throwing myself on/at him, even pleasuring him and asking nothing in return. I would never cheat on him, ev now getting so much attention from many men. But I don't know how I can get him to want to do me. . .for a lack of better expression. I'm lost. . . . Please someone offer some insight! Lol!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (28 November 2011):
Hi. Perhaps you could kiss him and give him a little hug when he leaves for work in the morning, and the same when he gets home from work at night.
No matter what else you are doing at the time, make that little bit of extra effort to show you care.
In the morning after the kiss and hug, simply say to him - "Have a nice day!"
And when he gets home from work in the night, say to him - "Hi! How was your day?" Then see what he says.
It doesn't sound like much, but at least it's a start.
And make sure when you kiss and hug him, that you give him a nice warm smile as well.
That's ok if he doesn't feel like talking at the end of his work day. Still kiss and hug him just the same, then go on with what you were doing.
Often when men come home from work, they need 10 to 15 minutes to wind down, before they feel like saying anything. So you will need to be patient. It's worth it though.
Variety is the spice of life, so if you can do some fun stuff together on the weekends, that will at least give you as a couple, something to look forward to at the end of the week.
It doesn't have to cost much money.
What about picnics, bushwalking at a pretty place, walks along the beach at sunset. There's heaps of stuff you could do together. Not just the football.
Just so long as whatever you do together, that it's something you BOTH like - not just him. It must be fun to you both.
A
male
reader, roundship  +, writes (27 November 2011):
talk to each other open. a clean breast could help a lot.
as you know that he is stressed, try to relax his stress. then he will be yours for your love making.
all the best for your love life.
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A
female
reader, Lee0626 +, writes (27 November 2011):
Lee0626 is verified as being by the original poster of the question First of all, thank you so much guys for answering my whining! He does have a hobby, but unfortunately it seems like that is the only thing that he says relieves his stress. We are about to complete our 5th yr anniversary and I know that communication is key. Unfortunately for me, due to the nature of his job, when he gets home, the last thing he wants to do is speak! Lol! I do miss the sex, but just having him tell me how beautiful I look or just give me a hug( before I break down) having that intimate contact is what I miss. I think I will suggest that we take strolls together, definitely couldn't hurt my figure! Lol! We recently went out on a date Sunday, and let's just say that if it wasn't for the football game on, we wouldn't have spoken a lot! Sad to say, but true. . . .
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 November 2011):
Hi there. Once you get married, because the opportunity is always there - and you are living together - the temptation isn't quite to great.
Before you were married, making love was always a case of whenever you saw each other. So it was a case of grabbing the opportunity whenever it was there. If you only saw each other once or twice a week before you got married, well then sex probably always happened on those days. So as consequence, it felt like you were having sex more often.
Then the rest of the time you were just thinking about having sex with him.
The first 18 months to 2 years in marriage, is what is known as the honeymoon phase. Everything is new and still fresh, so it's still exciting.
Then the reality of life sets in - rent or mortgage, bills, car loans, bad moods in the morning, getting used to each other's habits, problems at work or worse still - loss of a job - and the occasional arguments. They all take their toll.
It's often easy to put the relationship aside and instead putting more emphasis on the other everyday issues of real life.
While you are single, there's only you and him and going out having fun etc., and no other responsibilities. So in a way, it's like a fairytale romance.
That all changes once you get married. Unintentionally, of course, but it happens just the same.
So it's a case of taking time out for each other - every day - and making each other feel special, so you don't both start to feel taken for granted.
It requires some unwinding, and just being together. Perhaps you could have a glass of wine together before dinner and just sit and chat about your day, and being genuinely interested in each other. You need to give each other time. Time is so precious.
If you can work on this now, it will become habit by the time you both decide to start a family.
Taking time out - every single day - will prevent boredom from setting in, and it will remind you both of how much you DO love and care about each other. You both need to feel that you matter in the other's life, and that you are still important to them. And the more so, as years go by.
Time together chatting, is a really important part of a relationship. Gifts are okay too, however if they are in place of spending time together, well then they may not be as special. You can always buy more gifts, but you can't get time back. So how you spend that time, is really important. It's part of your commitment to each other.
Remember intimacy in the bedroom, starts outside of the bedroom. It all starts in how you relate to each other on a day to day and hour to hour basis.
The closer you feel to each other and having a good emotional connection, will greatly affect how you relate to each other in the bedroom. You might be surprised.
Emotional connection is very powerful indeed. It's the glue that keeps two people together, and wanting to STAY together over the years of time. There is nothing more powerful than that emotional connection.
If you can make a point of it each and every day, to MAKE time for each other to chat and "connect" with each other, you will be quite surprised to find how that translates in the bedroom.
It will make a difference.
Life needs to have balance.
Work and chores, needs to be balanced out with leisure, fun and laughter - and emotional connection.
It's really important.
If you talk with your husband about his day at work, that could take quite a load off his shoulders, just to know that you understand how things really are for him. And if you listen without judgement or offering advice, that might also help him unload some stress.
And if it happens that his job is stressful and maybe he doesn't enjoy it like he would like to, in time he might decide to seek out other types of work or even to pursue a complete career change.
If he does love his job - even though it's fairly stressful - perhaps the problem is that he doesn't have any leisure activities to offload some of that stress. Activities such as fishing, playing golf, and going for walks to destress.
Perhaps as well as starting some hobbies, he could go for a nice long walk when he gets home at night - or in the morning before he leaves for work. Walking is an excellent way to chill out and it also helps you to sleep well at night.
The same goes for you. If you don't already, perhaps you could begin some interesting hobbies to balance work and life. Walking for you, would get rid of any stress as well.
Perhaps once a week, the two of you could walk together. Then as you walk you can talk - about anything and everything. When there's movement, conversation really flows smoothly.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 November 2011):
 Stress can take a lot out of someone and make there sex drive go way down, am sure it has nothing to do with you personally. Am sure he is still attracted to you but he just has no libido at the moment. The only way to move forward is to try and talk to him again about how you feel. To be honest one a week in a marriage can be considered normal. Sex lives do tend to slow down a bit. However I understand where you are coming from because you are still quite young. I guess you just need to try talking to him again. Tell him how low this is making you feel.
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