A
female
age
51-59,
*ost!!!!!
writes:I am trying to find a way to express to my boyfriend of 9 months that I am sexually frustrated, and something has to change now, or I'm out. Age shouldn't be an issue as he is 32 and I am 42, we are both experienced, and we have both had long term relationships, although he is a man that has a hard time opening up due to his last relationship (poor communication skills). From the beginning he has not been a sexual person, at least not with me, but it has gotten increasingly worse. Before we would have sex about once a week and that was early in the relationship when sex should be abundant. We have spent most of our time together from the beginning but the sex has dwindled to maybe once every 2 1/2 to 3 weeks. And when we do have sex it is very disappointing, I am usually left unsatisfied. I know he spends some time on porn sites or watching live webcams of women/couples having sex, and I'm sure he masterbates, which leaves me with nothing left. I have talked to him several times about this, letting him know that sex is an important part of a relationship for me, to feel connected to him, to feel desired by him and to feel wanted by him, and I just get excuses. I have even asked him what he thought of our sex life and he just said he didn't feel like talking about it. I am running out patience and have even thought of offering an open relationship option just to get him to realize its getting that bad.Please, if anyone has been in a situation like this or similar, of have any suggestions to get him to open up to me about this, I would like to hear them...Thank you!
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porn, sex life, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): This guy isnt cool at all with his communication. He needs to say whats on his mind. To be honest, he should have resolved that past relationship issue before he hooked up with you. Now that is a partial reason why the relationship is suffering.
He's getting his satisfaction from porn and is being very selfish, both things you dont deserve and as you stated the sexual aspect of your relationship is important and therefore if its not clicking it should be a deal breaker. Youve given this guy plenty of time to come around i feel and I dont see any improvement. Hope things go better here.
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Read the other sexless RS online here, seems it's a difficult think to change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): There is something wrong with him and if he doesn't want to fix it or seek help, you can't do it for him (and against his will). There is definitely something wrong with him, sorry to have to tell you :( Save yourself and get out! Find a new man, without such problems, and you will be soooooo much happier :)
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (5 April 2011):
I would suggest that he stop masturbating. Masturbating reduces the amount of energy a man haves to offer to his girlfriend. The less the porn, the more sex you two will have. When I lived with my girlfriend, I dropped porn to start having more sex with her. At the end of our time together, I didn't even missed porn. You both need to make an effort of stopping his porn addiction. He needs to stop masturbating, and you need to encourage to have sex with you as frequently as you would like to. You need to stay alert when he is feeling like masturbating, and if you are not in the mood for sex, be diligent and give him a hand.
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