A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:It is going to be a difficult question,because it is not a very common situation . Im not sure what goes on with my husband, but Im suspecting a mental condition, not sure, and also helpless about how to relate to it.Some mental conditions are so easy to diagnose and understand, and it is sad enough to deal with it, but when there is no real way to diagnose it, you just have to live with the person like it would be normal. So here is the issue. He is not in a bad mood at all, even, when things are pretty sad in his life, he seems unaffected. So it is not a mood issue, but he had several extreme change within this 26 years with no warning. Like a creative artist, to a very devoted father, than totally losing interest in the father role,and becomes a workaholic, than from hot sex, and high sex drive to zero sexual functioning or interest,for 7 years.. Now he is on diet, and feels no hunger, and losing the weight effortlessly, with no cravings, or any talk about food at all.yet he loves food.., And it was just as sudden than all the other changes. He is almost never hungry.. The main thing is that this changes are very sudden, they change his habits and his attitude completely. I cant understand what goes on is his head, but I worry, how far it will go and what is causing that, I hope it is clear enough description of the situation. Please help me, if you have any ideas, thanks
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 April 2013):
Dear OP,
To diagnose someone with a disorder, you need to be sure that the behaviour is dysfunctional, causing suffering or danger to him or others. His loss in interest of the father role might be seen as causing others pain, but it's not clearly distinguishable from normal "selfish" behaviour.
What would be important to know is the reason why he suddenly changes his behaviour. For instance, he could be in a manic phase and very initiative, having lots of energy and self confidence, then fall into a depressed phase and more passive again, so if the changes look a little like that, it could be due to bipolar disorder. But you say he doesn't seem to have a mood problem, so it might not be that.
Or, he could have a very unstable self image, feeling like he's not sure of his true identity and preferences, then it might be part of a borderline personality disorder, or another personality disorder. Or just a common identity crisis every now and then. Or, he might change because he doesn't want to face some problems that come with his current occupations, so it might actually be an avoidance strategy and a sign for underlying anxiety. Or, as so_very_confused said, maybe ADHD, because he tends to lose interest in things.
Anyway, this might be in some range of "normal", yet very excentric or stubborn behaviour. I don't know your husband and don't want to judge him.
Can you talk openly to your husband about your concerns? Maybe if you ask him what lead to those changes, you will get more insights. In the end, you will need to talk to him, because obviously his changes affect you and your life, and it sounds like you're confused and unhappy the way it is. Think of what would relieve you in this situation.
I wish you good luck.
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reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 My doctor just said to me last week that I was like this... when I'm committed to something I'm very very very good at it doing it all the time (think exercise) and when I'm off of it, I'm off of it 100%.
I have ADHD and tend to have inability to follow through with things...
not saying your hubby has ADHD but maybe that's something to consider.
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