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female
,
*aliah
writes: Hi- I have a little question that I would like help with. Me and my boyfriend have been sexually active for a while and I have never orgasmed. He knows this, and wants to do something, but I don't know what would help me. Can anyone give me any tips on how to get an orgasm? Thank you, your help is much appreciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): i had that problem. have forplay befor yous have sex and that should work, it did for me
A
male
reader, Calidus +, writes (18 December 2005):
Try different positions perhapes(as maybe the positions you two are currently using arnt stimulating you enough), try role playing if you both feel comfortable to stimulate each other further(and especially yourself more) also try different things such as oral sex(him to you, as this is a common thing that alot of men dont wish to do..) or something else that may seem a lill kinki that both of you are interested in to help you climax.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2005): Question: can you orgasm on your own, i.e. with masturbation? Many women feel undue pressure to perform in a situation with a partner. If you can masturbate yourself to orgasm, the situation is either making you too anxious to focus on your pleasurable feelings, OR your boyfriend is not stimulating you the way you like.
If the situation is too nerve-wracking, try being intimate with your boyfriend, but without genital contact. Play and get comfortable over time being sexual together. Shift the focus away form "the big O" (that goes for him, too!) and just get a feel for each other's bodies. You ought to set aside time for this, especially if the sex you have right now is rushed, which puts even more pressure on both parties. Remember, BOTH of you need to stop worrying about that orgasm, because that makes it harder!
If it isn't so much about pressure, you may not be giving your boyfriend enough instruction on what makes you feel good. Your boyfriend wasn't born with a woman's body, and he certainly wasn't born with YOUR INDIVIDUAL body. Even if he's had dozens of girlfriends before, he can't possibly know what you like best unless you tell him. Show him how you masturbate if you think it will help. If you don't masturbate, you should try at least until you know for sure what it is you like.
The problem may also be mechanical. Men and women are notoriously out of sync when it comes to sexual excitation. A man is ready (and visibly) when he has an erection, but assessing whether a woman is adequately lubricated is a little trickier. Even if the sex isn't painful, it may simply not be smooth enough to be pleasureful (there is a neutral zone). This relates to rushing and pressure to perform, see above. Slow it down. Take extra time to prepare if you plan on having intercourse.
Finally, it's OK if both partners don't climax together. If necessary, you can "finish the job" (or ask him to!) by hand, or a toy, or whatever else you need. There is no "right way" to have sex.
Whew! I hope that helps.
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