A
female
age
30-35,
*oQuin
writes:I sometimes feel like I might be lesbian. At one point I was almost entirely sure that I was lesbian but there are days when I feel like i'm 100% staright AND then there are days when I feel like i'm just bisexual or curious.What makes me question myself....it's really really really embarrassing and I really don't want to creep anyone out BUT...I have an issue with starring at a woman's cleavage when I'm talking to her, I don't stare at her chest but if there's cleavage my eyes just involuntarily travel there!!! I've been trying (consciously) really hard not to do it and sometimes it works but not always and I just end making the girl feel uncomfortable. :( :( :( I know this because they look down to see if something's wrong or pull up their shirt necklines...And i don't even enjoy seeing it, if i did then i'd be somewhat sure that i could be a lesbian but in all honesty i don't really want to see some one's cleavage!!! I don't know what to do!!!And i think this has come to a point where people have collectively noticed,a guy even suggested that i was a lesbian during a conversation which wasn't even about sexuality!!! Plus, I was discussing my confusion in sexuality with a good friend of mine(who has been a victim of the starring) and she told me that she feels lesbian vibes from me sometimes!!! (I had this talk with her today)No one has treated me badly about it but it makes me feel terrible when i make people uncomfortable, it's painful and i get into this seriously depressed mood every time it happens (which is almost every day!).btw, right now, I feel like i'm straight.I've been questioning my sexuality for the past 2/3 years, i'm 19 now. I started questioning when i first realised that I was making my best friend uncomfortable because of the starring...I honestly don't know how to stop it.Am I lesbian? Bi? straight?And you should know, I've never had a boyfriend, I'm even a kiss and hand-holding virgin lol, and through these years I've only had two guys interested in me....I'm really shy when it comes to flirting and stuff and this whole starring thing is just adding to me shutting myself off from all social contact!I can't have a relaxed conversation with a girl anymore! I don't care about my sexuality, I'd be ok with being a lesbian or straight or whatever else but I just want a friend who doesn't get creeped out!Thanks a ton for listening, I hadn't told anyone about this habit of mine. Any kind of advice about how to over come this or any other insight would help!
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best friend, depressed, flirt, lesbian, never had a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): First of all you are not gay because you stare. I do it to. I stare at wahtever is not right. If a woman has extensions in her hair and they are showing I get fixated on that. If her shrit is too low, I look at that and think should pull that crap up. I work in a conservative environment and it is not normal and it sticks out in my mind. So like if you are at Wal-mart you would stare cause it is out of place. If you are at a night club you don't notice. Recently, I had three guys tell me I was staring and a female co-worker say I saw the "track" in her head and I was staring. I have the same problem with fever blisters. If you have one I am going to star at it. I don't know how to break that habit. I make people uncomforatble and I know that. I really want to know how not to stare at all.
However, I always on top of things. I notice everything. I look at everything about a person and tend to then to select the thing that is out of place and stare. Don't think you are gay, not that you can't be, but staring does not make you GAY!!!!!
A
female
reader, ZoQuin +, writes (17 September 2010):
ZoQuin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd to my fellow 19 year old confused soul :D,
Well we're not alone right? :)
And i found that monotony and boredom lead to your mind dwelling on things that don't need to be thought of more than once, or sometimes not at all, so for me, it helps when I'm completely excited by a project or something fun and new (like shopping for me...hehe) which keeps you engaged. I haven't bothered with my staring issues since I've become a little busy in college...
Try doing something you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time to take it up, playing the piano/ work at a zoo!!! (lol, i don't know...whatever you'd like to do)...it could take your mind off things while your involved in it and make you feel lighter at heart :)
Relax. We must hope that it'll all smoothen out.
P.S. I still wish I had a BF who I was really into and who was really into me too :D wishful thinking :)
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A
female
reader, ZoQuin +, writes (17 September 2010):
ZoQuin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks guys!!!
All of you really did help, it made me feel not so out of place and some of it did clear a few things up...at the moment I'm comfortable with who I am, I don't care if I have the staring problem...well atleast for now :D (I have mood swings very easily....)....there are up and down days for everyone...
I just hope this comfort stays forever :)
Thanks a million :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): hey
i just wanted to say that I am like you in some many ways.Im 19 years old, shy and unsure if im straight, bi or a lesbian.I too have not had a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship. This issue has been taunting me for months, I cant study. Im just passing all my exams. I dont mind if I am a lesbian or not but a part of me still would love to be straight. I do find men more attractive then women but I can imagine myself with a women. I was hoping that time would give me an answer but I was wrong.
My eyes are also drawn to womens cleavage and I have to be consciously aware of where im looking. I dont get aroused by cleavage, it feels like its just in my face quite confronting.It annoys me because I just want to be relaxed talking to people. I dont want to watch my every move.
I wish I could help you or give you advice but i would be lying if I did because I too am confused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): I am a late in life lesbian and I regret every minute of it. I was never exposed to the life style until my mid-20's. I have had some similar experiences but never realized I did it. I am now a butch lesbian snd very proud that I made that decision. I have been with men, but never again. So consider yourself lucky that these days there's more exposure to both sides. Pace yourself you're still young, you don't have to make this huge decision right now. Explore hun!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Hey,
First of,you need to shed your inhibitions and go out on dates with boys.You don't have to go out with the same guy.Go watch a movie on weekends or go out for a coffee.See for your self how you feel.Do you feel attracted to any of them?
If you have never spent time with a guy,how would you know ?Feeling shy is a natural thing.Some girls are too shy and its normal.
Did you know that you may be attracted to the same sex during teenage.My sister is a paediatrician who told me this.It's written in the standard textbook of paediatrics.So it is a scientific fact.So you may be experiencing the same thing.
Besides,staring at cleavage is not uncommon.Women have this habit of checking other women...dresses,earrings,breasts.It happens subconsciously.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): I had the same problem a few months ago as far as the first paragraph goes. I thought I was a lesbian, then straight, then maybe bi, then lesbian, and so on. I finally realized I'm definitely straight, I'm just more in awe of a woman's good looks rather than a man's. Only you'll be able to know what your sexuality is, and it may take a long time to figure it out, but I think it's just the whole being young and confused thing right now. Don't feel bad for staring at the cleavage. Although I've never done that, all you have to say is you were spacing out and apologize. Hope I helped :)
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine  +, writes (20 August 2010):
your not lesbian, we all stare at cleavage, its a beautiful thing! its who u love and wana get serious with that matters at the end of the day who do u wana sleep next to, man or woman? staring and BEING w/someone are completely different things and womn are naturaly more appealing, all women stare and look doesnt mean we wana touch them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): Being curious about other people, looking at their bodies, and even finding people of the same sex attractive is normal. It doesn't mean that you are lesbian.
Lesbian vibes do not a lesbian make, or even a bisexual make. Sexual fantasies about same sex encounters don't make a lesbian either, or a male homosexual for that matter.
Your brain is still adapting to hormonal changes, and your body, assuming you are in the age you indicate, is still adapting as well.
Go to a bookstore, look in the sections on sexuality, and buy a book on sexual fantasies, Nancy Friday has put one together a number of years ago, and it will help you begin to understand.
Besides, keep in mind that looking at cleavage is less intimate than looking at the eyes or mouth.
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