A
female
age
36-40,
*uChaFuCknLaDy
writes:I need help. I am an emotional wreck. I broke up with my boyfriend months ago because he cheated. I wasn't as hurt til he made it clear to me that it's really over. Now I've felt like I made a huge mistake. I love this man and want him back. Every so often I get up enough strength to say forget him and am not worried for a few days or so. But that never lasts. Here lately I decided that there is nothing that I can or am willing to do to save this relationship. I realize that it's over. However it still hurts and I can't move on. I can't focus on another man. I am very attractive and am approached very regularly. I've tried new men, exes, and men that were on hold because I was committed to him and still have yet to be excited enough to get pass him. My real dilemma for the last couple of weeks which has been the biggest one yet is that I am a nymph freak. I love to have good sex. I've tried it with other men and I am at the very least not satisfied or at worst I break into tears thinking about him. He is controlling my life despite speaking to me very limitedly. I am not completely over him but partly I am. I think that if I call him up and express my frustration he will engage in a sex relationship with me. But is this just my mind inclined to find some way to be with him? I still love him but I know he is involved with another woman. Which leads to believe that he definitely will turn me off by being with me. I have a history with men previously involved and was never able to develop enough respect for them to carry on. Sometimes I began to look at them like pigs and grew very disgusted. What is this? I can't lean toward one option or the other. And what I fear the most is that after a while he will contact me and I'll fall for it. This sex thing has more pro's for getting over him than con's. Right? Like the fact that he'll disgust me with his unfaithfulness to the other woman. The fact that this sexually frustration is contributing to my emotional hurt. Which way should I go?
View related questions:
broke up, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): I was a full time student at the University of Missouri....and I have graduated. I was once 20 years old, now I have a lifetime experience double to yours. You have a lot to learn about yourself and how you are creating your own lot in life with your relationships....if you want a solution and things to be different for you in the future, I think you need some help and guidance, but like a lot of 20 year olds, you assume you know it all already.....I did not twist your words or ad lib, this is what you said, summarized and put in somewhat of a logical order....instead of the circular diatribe that you obviously have running through your head and not making any sense to even yourself.....The only thing destructive is your behavior and is what I pointed out to you not for the purpose of criticism, but you take it as such because you think you don't need to change or take any responsibility for your behavior or for your own feelings......I wish you luck with your life's path, after all no one can convince you or teach you anything you close your mind off to.
A
female
reader, SuChaFuCknLaDy +, writes (17 October 2007):
SuChaFuCknLaDy is verified as being by the original poster of the question I guess no one else has any suggestion then I'm on to a new site. New subject. Your opinion rhythm is alright. Makes sense to a certain degree. But you're talking to someone who has no parallels with you or your life's background. First off, I'm a 20 year old full-time student at the University of Chicago. I definitely am lost about this man and the relationship that I carried out with this man. However my future is spoken for. "I'm an emotional wreck" is a quote from my original question. That's the problem. I was reaching out for help. I have made mistakes. Will make mistakes. But am looking for all this destructive criticism. And by the way to take my words twist them and ad-lib wasn't necessary. By that point in your answer you had made your point. However, I'm still not interested in you referral to a professional. I don't believe in doctors who don't need a stethoscopes to diagnose. Another way our lifestyles don't parallel.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): Some quotes from you paraphrased:
"I broke up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me.
I wasn't as hurt until he made it clear it was over."
(This is a case of you not being able to handle rejection, and loss of control over this ex boyfriend, you were fine until he took his power back and no longer could be controlled by you, your sex, or your rejection of him).
"I think if I contact him, he will have a sex relationship with me"
(You are still trying to think of ways you can control him with sex, this makes you feel powerful over him).
"I am an emotional wreck, I am completely lost"
(No Kidding...wonder why, could it be your unhealthy choices?....See the next one below)
"My biggest delima is that I am a nympho freak, I love to have good sex" "I have tried it with other men and I am dissatisfied and break into tears."
"This sex thing has more pros than cons for getting over him" "Because he is involved with another woman, if he gets with me he will turn me off."
(Here again, unless you are powerful over him and claim him with sex, he will turn you off, this is about you and how you view yourself and your value, not your love for him)
"He is controlling my life despite little verbal communication."
(How the hell is HE controlling your life? YOU are responsible for your own feelings and thoughts and values and behavior....you admit he barely talks to you, it is impossible for someone else to control you that is not involved with you)
"Sex is a choice, right now I choose to have sex without emotional attachment with other men whom I cannot respect for being involved with other women besides myself and I call pigs, and I choose to have sex with my ex and try to remain detached even though I have an emotional attachment to him."
"The fact is that my sexual frustration is contributing to my emotional hurt."
(And here lies the crux of the problem.....you are living your life with no healthy boundaries in your relationships, you are using men and they are using you, no wonder you feel as limp as a used up kleenex. You need some professional help to find out why you want to go through life having sex with people in order to numb your feelings and keep men at a distance, and blaming then for your unhappiness with yourself.)
...............................
A
female
reader, SuChaFuCknLaDy +, writes (16 October 2007):
SuChaFuCknLaDy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAny more suggestions? Because this sweetheart here is completely lost. I know exactly what boundaries are due between me and any man. Sex is a choice. I have sex as a choice. Right now I consciously choose to have sex with my ex although I still have an emotional attachment. Which makes me wonder if this is just a mental complex that will only allow me to unconsciously want sex with this man because I can't get close to him any more. My situation with this man is to say the least pathetic. I am heart-broken!!! For God sakes!!! However I am still stable with my morals and convictions. Nobody's answer to this ad is going to change them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): I think you have a deeper problem, I think you are woefully lacking in self esteem. I think you are using sex to try and control men and keep them at an emotional distance, and you are crying over him because generally you are very unhappy with your casual behavior towards your own body and lack of sexual boundaries.
I think you need some professional counseling to learn how to respect yourself more and how to set healthy boundaries in relationships. Life is not for nymphos, pain is for nymphos who aren't happy being spread thin emotionally...
Please seek the help you need and get your life on track.
This is not about your love for this guy who cheated on you, this is about YOU.
...............................
|
