A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 8 months had sex with his ex girlfriend of 2 years behind my back. He'd always made her out to be a bit of a monster, and said she always tret him like shit and he hated her. Apparently she is a real bitch. Once in a hotel when we'd been 2gether for 3 months, and once in our flat in the lounge 2 months ago. She came round to the flat when he was at work to tell me, i was heartbroken and so shocked as we were so happy living 2getha, got on so well, totaly in love and realy amazing sex all the time. I left him for 2 weeks, but came back as he swears the only reason he did it in the flat was to fuck with her head and get her to leave him alone as she'd been hounding him for money and bad mouthing him, and went crazy when she found out we were living 2getha. He said it meant nothing and was hard to do, and it worked as she left him alone for a while. She said he persued her, he enjoyed it, and the only reason there was a gap in between the two times was because she'd had an operation on her cervix. He said she's a mad bitch who makes shit up because he hurt her and messed her head up. I am going out of my mind, i need the truth. I want to believe him, but then i believe her too, could she be that evil even after she has caused so much hurt! He said it was cold and calculated, she said it was passionate and sexy. Who should i believe? It's making me ill, and i just want it to all be over, because we were so happy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Thanks so much for the advice guys, it made me feel better to share my problem, but also worse 2 hear things that make me doubt his explanation of WHY he resorted to actualy having sex with her! It's been about a month since i found out, i have good and bad days, sometimes i feel like i'm ok and i believe him, then sometimes i'll just realise what he ACTUALY did and it hits me like a tonne of bricks. I love him so much, and i realy love living with him. I just still want to know the truth! Somehow his story seems crazy, we could have gone 2 police and said she was harrassing us, or anything! He says what he did was the only way he could get thru to her to leave him alone and let him get on with his life. I know he loves me dearly, and we make each other so happy and sex is great and often, and he says he would marry me 2morow. So maybe she is a psyco like he says, a bitter, jelous twisted sad sad woman. But his story dosent seem rite! Why have sex with her twice? With a 5 month gap inbetween, where she says he tried but she refused. I just duno! If shes so horrible how could he be with her 4 so long? She reckons he has been constantly texing and ringing her, it was him that initiated the sex, and it was great sex, with kisses and orgasms. He says oposite, that he didnt kiss her and didnt cum. If she is telling the truth, i cant be with him! How could he do that to me! He wanted 4 nothing, why go to her when she tret him badly when he was with her and he dumped her! My heads a mess, his motives for doing what he did are vital, i need to know as i cant spend the rest of my life with someone who did that to me, in that way! He did have sex with his ex twice, and this is unacceptable behaviour i know! And yes he betrayd me, it hurts, but we have such an amazing conection that if it's 4 the reasons he says, i kinda understand and can forgive and forget in time. But if it was the way she says, that is unforgivable, and i'm just scared it would happen again further down the line when we have kids or something! Help!
A
male
reader, django  +, writes (21 January 2009):
I don't think it's particularly okay to cheat on your partner "to fuck with your ex's head, so she leaves you alone" - that he had not told you almost half a year later doesn't add to his trustworthiness.
In any case, if he has sex with people to "fuck with their minds", there's sure something wrong with his line of thinking. Don't give him more than the final chance Flynn suggested.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): WHY it happened is irrelevant.
The fact is these two people, one of whom you are supposed be able to trust not to do this under any circumstances and for any reason, betrayed you.
They slept together knowingly, willingly. Whether it was to spite each other is completely not the point. Not one of them cared enough to think of YOU in that moment.
I would offer one chance and once chance alone to your spouse. As your partner he is entitled to that. It's what he does with it that will show how deep his apparent remorse goes, how serious he is.
If he cheats or even talks to her again... then dump him and find someone worthier of your love and time.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): girl damn. i know how you feel. if you want to believe him then do so. if you really want this ex to go away and stay outta ur life you need to change ur # and move or something. if it does happen again then you know he was lying but i do think he was lying because my man of 8months says his ex is a bitch and she is believe me and he hasnt gone back to her at all she hounds him for money all the time and he doesnt go and have sex with her. you need to talk with him and tell him you want you relationship based on honesty and you really need to know the truth you wont get mad you just want to know the truth. see how that works out.
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