A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I've recently started dating a new guy and I really like him. We waited a while before we had sex, as I was with someone else when we met and fell for each other. Now we're together but something isn't as I thought it would be. I'm 18 and my ex was the same age and our sex life was amazing, he wanted it all the time! I thought dating an older guy, it would be even better but it's not! Don't get me wrong, I'm mad about him and it's good when we do it but he hardly ever wants it and when he does, he last minutes! I want him to enjoy it but it's really frustrating me. I don't mind him not lasting very long, at least I get something but when he doesn't want it, I feel really rejected, I'm just not used to it after going out with a horny teenager! Are there any others girls out there having the same problem? What about the guys, are any of you his age and feel like he does? I've thought about having sex with other guys and then feel really guilty. I never would, it just wouldn't feel right, I'm too crazy about him but I need to get mine! Please help.
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (18 September 2005):
I think you shouldnt discriminate with age.
Stereotypically an older man would be more experienced then a younger one, however, thats not the case, the older one might only have sex with ones he loves after having a great non-sexual relationship treating ladies right like a gentleman and the yougner one might be sleeping around with any girl he can find probably having all the STD's under the sun..
Then there is people who are more "natural" and those that have more of an interest.
the reason why he only last minutes might because he loves you? That other younger boy might just use you for sex and have no real feelings for you?
A
female
reader, Delila +, writes (16 September 2005):
I belive that as men get older their hormones level out and they aren't horny all the time as young men are, now this is a generalization, there are always exeptions to the rule. A younger man can get hard much quicker and stay hard longer and repeat the performance if nessesary. On the other hand women as they get older become far more interested and better at love making than younger women. Again there are exceptions to this rule as you are proving. Often an older woman would be well satisfied being with a younger man as he can keep going all night if needs be. And a young woman happier with an older man who is not as demanding in bed and gives her lots of love and attention, and lots of cuddles without there being an agenda. Of course it would seem that your sex drive is quite high and you need a man that can give you what you need. If this guy isn't up for it now imagine how its going to be in ten years time when you are even more into sex than you are now and he needs viagra to get a hard on! YIKES!
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A
reader, pops +, writes (16 September 2005):
There are both men and women who grow up and never have a clue about making love. Some think it is just something you do, and there is no good or bad about it. Many have reservations about sex, under any circumstances, based on a lifetime of people telling them wrong things about sex, or telling them its wicked, the devil's work, etc.
If you want a good lover, he has to be educated and trained. You have to talk to him, and tell him how you feel about his performance. Don't feel bad about him being embarrassed, or angry. He hasn't been putting out the effort, and anyone can be a better lover if they would only listen and read and learn. He needs to understand that your relationship with him is on the cusp of ending if he doesn't do better, so he has a choice. He either learns to be a better lover, or you are gone ! Since you love him so much, that would be a shame, and a real loss to him.
Now, there is a lot of literature on the internet, and books, and videos that you can watch, including how-to movies. The two of you can explore sex together, and really, after he gets some basic knowledge about sex, you will have to teach him how to pleasure you. Only you can possibly know how you are pleasured sexually, so you are going to have to be his teacher. It helps to make a list of the things he can do you know you like( that excite you), and things he does that do not. Then make a list of things you have fantasized about and things you would like to try but haven't yet. Have him make similar lists. Compare them. You should both get a lot of laughs. Sex is adult play, so it is suppose to be fun. If either of you isn't laughing during sex, something is very wrong.
You will also learn from the lists. Assuming you stay together, you should consider making new lists every year, as exploration teaches you both about your bodies, and your sexual likes and dislikes. The new lists will be informative, and you should find that the list of likes grows with each new lists. Rent porn movies and watch them. There are a few couples films out there to start with, But, even with the straight, hard-core porn, you can sometimes learn something new. Most couples use the films to get themselves excited and rarely watch them to the end of the film before turning off the movie and jumping each other's bones. Go to School with your guy, and then have fun. Anytime either of you says, " I won't ever do that ", in response to the other showing an interest in some sexual activity, you need to sit down and have another talk about your roles as lovers. The commitment you make to each other in exchange for those vows of fidelity, is that you will pleasure him, and he will pleasure you. That is your job sexually, with your mate. Don't do your job, and you have violated the contract. You should expect your mate to look elsewhere for pleasuring. And, you have only yourself to blame. People's sexual interests and appetites change as you age and mature. I know men and women who in their teens and twenties would not do oral sex, but by age 40, had become very fond of oral sex, and learned to pleasure their lovers. I know people in their forties and fifties who are trying anal sex for the first time, and loving it. I know people in their thirties and forties who are incorporating vibrators, dildoes, butt plugs, and other toys in their love lifes, who would never have considered doing such when they were younger. So, when I tell you that both of you have some learning to do, Don't be so surprised. You are certainly not alone.
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