A
female
age
30-35,
*sdfjkl;
writes:[Mod note: I'm guessing this person is not actually 14.]I'm not enjoying sex with my husband and this is getting worse over the past 5 years. It is not that I don't enjoy sex (I have had some other 'engagements') or that I don't love my husband. So I tried to be direct and give him instructions to do things that I would like, but that seems to backfire. I spend a good deal of time trying to explain something that I think is basic and he either doesn't get it, or forgets and in short time- all the time contradicting me or justifying the way he has been doing it. I get frustrated an don't want anything to do with him. I'm trying to think back to when I really enjoyed sex with him and I was such a different person back then that I'm not sure what it was that I enjoyed. He does have quite a large penis which may have been the main enjoyement as I'm a g-spot orgazimer. As he is getting older (43 now) however he does not get as hard or he has to rub his limp dick on my vagina to get it going and this turns me off terribly. I feel like I have to hold my breath for the forplay part of sex and sort of tune out rather than participate so I don't get turned off and can't continue (which does happen about 1/2 the time now. He gets angry and says this is my fault but I think he is just bad at sex and won't do anything about it. Not sure what to do. marriage counselling, sex therapy, affair???? anybody else in this situation?
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affair, g-spot, limp, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, asdfjkl; +, writes (2 December 2009):
asdfjkl; is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow, this is my first time using this site and very plesently surprised to get such a great response. Miamime, wow you know your stuff. I'm sure now you are right about the talking. I'm more of a dominate person so it is likely not comming off right and sure not getting the right reaponse. i'll try your suggestions. Thanks for the people that suggested toys, i'll try that again... perhaps i'm too narow minded ... i just like the real thing lol.. Soon2B PPD, had to laugh at your suggestion. I actually am having an 'affair' and it has actually helped a bit but it does not solve the problem. Just a nice treat. My loving partner actaully wants good sex as well. THANKS!!!
A
male
reader, mr motivator  +, writes (28 November 2009):
Maybe you should explain your frustrations in a soft approach, men can take it very personally if they think they are doing something wrong
You could maybe introduce a toy into your relationship/sex life so that while he gets himself "ready for action" you can keep yourself stimulated
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 November 2009):
 Me again......
There's also what I call the "hot and cold" method.. loving kissing and caressing first, for both of you.. that always feels nice, but can sometimes be too gentle and put everyone to sleep..
So the "cold" is.. little, very little nips, bites, slaps to wake everyone up. A cold wet towel, some ice, this changes the atmosphere, and " a little change is as good as a rest".. little bites arround the neck, small non-painfull taps on the backside, and a small tap for willy.. just relights the fire after all that sleepy kindness, and shows that both kind loving, and kinky wildness is allowed in the bedroom, as long as the woman can control and bring imagination, creativity to life... get some ice-cream.. put it on you, your partner, his friend willy and your miss pussy cat, and then get rid of it before it melts.. lol.. that the "cold" part of the treatment.. stop doing lectures and start to have fun creatively. A change of environment will also help.. A loving guy and his friend willy helps you wash dishes with a smile on your face.. good luck honey, try to have more fun, and I'd be gratefull if you could come back and say if anything we said helped at all.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (28 November 2009):
Talk, talk equal's sleep, sleep.. stop talking and only use non-verbal communication to communicate your desires. Playfull slaps, pushing and turning away always work for me. Talking about a man's technique makes him feel bad, but showing him in the darkness of night is more acceptable.
Limp dick on vagina.. yep, turn off.. I always say, in the bedroom little willy belongs to a woman, and it's her role to make him excited enough to come out and play. Oil is good, and so is a combination of rough play and light play with willy.. makes the bloody thing confused. Also don't forget your partner, his legs, arms, shoulders, eyes, and even his toes need loving too. Loving a man from head to foot and ignoring willy, usually make the silly dick jealous and excited for when you will finally notice him.
A woman must take control of the bedroom, and not through talk (save it for work and study) but through play and loving. Kiss, hug, massage your guy (leave willy alone, he'll join in at the end, because he's such a jealous guy) and ask your guy to do the same. If you don't participate, and are getting ready for disappointment, well you must blame yourself when things go wrong. To much talk in the bedroom, will put willy to sleep and make your guy feel anxious and bad because he can't live up to your demands. Stop talking and start touching and see how that goes.
Please do this and update your post, if it dosen't work, I have other things to suggest to improve poor technique. But touching, kissing and no talk comes first.
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A
female
reader, Soon2B_PPD  +, writes (28 November 2009):
I say have an affair. Jus don't get caught screaming the other guys name. Because honestly, I don't think its his performance and not listening. I mean' he 43. He is aging. And that's around the time guys start developing issues anyway with that thing. Its nothing he can do about it. Honestly thing are gonna go from bad to worse. I'm not saying an affair is best but you made it an option. So I'm just saying what you where already thinking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Have you ever thought about sex toys to spice it up? Maybe even dress up or role play? I wouldn't exactly give him an option instead I would surprise him one night!
I don't suggest an affair, I've been cheated on before and it's not a nice situation for the other person. If you want to experiment with someone else either talk to him about it first with a marriage counselor or break off the marriage.
Sex therapy might be a great way to openly talk to him about your feelings, in a safe and open environment:)
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