A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I made love with my boyfriend for the first time last night. I have been with him for 8 months and I have been on the Pill for 3 of those months. It is the first time I have ever made love with the partner not wearing a condom and would like some advice.Firstly, his penis is big (lucky me!) and my vagina is tight. I have always found sex a little uncomfortable but last night it was extremely painful and I can’t think why as it has never been that bad. My partner and I tried various positions - doggy was a complete no-go, the only one that was remotely any ‘good’ was missionary. I have always used a variety of contraceptives and I wonder if the thought of not using a condom made me freeze down there because I have always feared unwanted pregnancies greatly. I mean even though I have always used the Pill and it is 99% effective, it’s that 1% that always bothered me so I would use condoms as well (also to protect againsts STDs). Other than that, I can’t think of any other reasons why my vagina almost totally closed up!!!I don’t know whether I got torn down there - there has been a little spotting of blood since, but it is very painful going for a wee. My friend told me that she knew a girl who was allergic to her boyfriend’s cum and it would give her really bad cystitis. She also said that maybe I needed more lubrication, although this is normally not a problem!!! So, I don’t know if the pain is due to having sex when I was too tight and I got torn or if I am allergic to his cum and have developed cystitis!Also, I noticed that when I got up in the morning every now and again fluid would trickle out of me up to 6 hours after I got up! I think it was my boyfriend’s cum but I thought that once it got up there it stayed up there!!! (this was the first time I had sex with a partner not using a condom). Has anyone got any tips/ideas because I enjoy sex greatly but I can’t stand the pain again!!! My boyfriend, who I love so much, has been very understanding and just said we would need to practice alot more. I can’t wait for that but can’t bear the thought of a repeat performance of the pain.
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condom, std, the pill, too tight, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 The reality is, not all partners are physically compatible down below. A large penis is just not a good fit for many women, notably if the female is petite or simply has a small vagina. Sometimes length can be the problem if the head reaches to the cervix, which is painful for many ladies. Girth (big around) can exert pain for a woman with a narrow vagina or small opening, one or both of which may apply here.
These issues are dealt with extensively in the Tantric teachings for making love, i.e. the "Kama Sutra." Medical solutions (surgical) might be possible, but not a good choice for you with a present boyfriend unless you get married, I would think.
About the only readily available remedies are lubricants and a great deal of stimulation prior to intercourse., which increases natural lubrication and may help stimulate the vagina for penetration. Fingering, gradually increasing from one to two to three fingers, might help. Never should he attempt a quick insertion or plunge with his penis in this case, but instead, merely place the tip gently to the opening for a time, then insert slightly and stop a moment, continuing just an inch or less at a time with long pauses, until comfortable. This is a technique often much more pleasant for petite and many Oriental women having intercourse with larger American males.
The man has to be very patient and considerate.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 February 2008):
 I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you might have subconsciously been worried because a condom wasn't being used and this has caused you to tense up. As long as you know he is clean and free of STD's and you are taking contraception then it's highly unlikely you'll fall pregnant.
What he needs to do is take more time with you, be gentle and reassuring so that you feel totally relaxed with him. Extra lubrication will help too so ask him to have oral sex with you before he penetrates you as this will lubricate you enough. Just make sure you don't climax though lol. When he penetrates you he should do it slowly and sensually, especially as he is well endowed.
A nice atmosphere, a couple of glasses of wine and soft music will all help you relax too. The more you worry about it the tighter you'll become so just relax...
It is very probably that the spotting you saw was because you were tense and he has torn you slightly during penetration but this will heal as long as you keep the area clean.
Talk to him about it and tell him you need to be more relaxed and he needs to be really gentle when entering you. Mention the oral too and I'm sure if you take this advice you'll have no more problems. :o)
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, faith_believe_love  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 dear you have to relax your mind and your body so that when the two of you make love your muscles in your vagina wont contract(not sure if its the right term)thats the first reason why yours was almost closed up as you mentioned or maybe since you said that it was your first time have had sex wlthout condom i think it is 1 of the reason 'coz you know you worried a lot.And does the two of you always do some foreplay??its really important for us women by that men can know if we are ready.I had read some issues about other womans complaining about pain during sex w/ their man and they also said that their partners manhood was big just like you.Man with big manhood only rely to their penis size some thinks they dont have to give their partner foreplay 'coz they think penetrating can make their partners feel a lot more pleasure which is wrong.Hope this helps.Take Care!!=D
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