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My bf is sweet when we are alone but makes nasty comments when his friends are near. I find it very hurtful. What to do?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 February 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 March 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend acts different around his friends. like he'll be really sweet around me, and say all the right things, and then when he's with his friends he'll be a total retarded jerk. But i dont say anything because i try to understand him, that he has to be a guy and stuff. but its been really bothering me lately, because his remarks have been kind of nasty and immature. it hurts me inside, but then he makes it better by being all sweet later. its not really a big deal, but im a sensitive person and its something that has been on my mind for a while. what should i do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

well i have the same problem my boyfriend is all sweet when it's just us but around my my friends he is totaly different.

So just talk to him. Say that the way he acts and the things he says to you round his friends upsets you. If he really likes you then he will stop! cos no one likes to see someone they love get hurt!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008):

well i have the same problem my boyfriend is all sweet when it's just us but around my my friends he is totaly different.

So just talk to him. Say that the way he acts and the things he says to you round his friends upsets you. If he really likes you then he will stop! cos no one likes to see someone they love get hurt!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

get rid fast. he sounds like a 14 yr old.

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2008):

AskEve agony auntHe is totally disrespecting you, pulling you down in front of his friends. How old is he???? If he DID have genuinely deep feelings for you then you would never feel threatened or small in his company. You do need to tell him how you feel and he needs to reassure you (when he's sweet to you) that he'll never do this again. If he does then you pull him up for it, if he continues to do it then it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to continue in a relationship with someone who pulls you down in front of his friends the way he does.

By you not saying anything to him you're accepting this kind of treatment. Don't be used as a doormat, can you imagine how your life would be if you were still together say 5 years from now?

~Eve~

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A female reader, Nataliejamez United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2008):

Nataliejamez agony auntIt shouldnt matter whether he's only insulting infront of his friends, It's still hurting you , and embarresing you .

The next time he does it , dont say anything , Then while your alone , ask him why your together , if he asks why just say, "well you can't be that interested in me if you find putting me down infront of his friends amusing"

he might give him a shock , he may start thinking that he can't do that sort of thing, because it just isnt fair, however the last thing you should do , is try and get him back becasue one way or another lads always are funnier (infront of other lads that is , and it may just make things worse)

Just tell him you dont like it !

tell him that you dont want anyone making a fool of you!

and if he wants to be funny , telling him to do it to one of his friends, least that way , you get to have a giggle ,and you can get on being boyfriend and girlfriend .

GOOD LUCK XXXX

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (17 February 2008):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntI disagree. I don't think this behavior is understandable at all. Tell him how you feel. If he refuses to change his behavior, start saying mean stuff back to him in front of his friends, and then break up with him right there. His friends will learn how NOT to treat their gf's if they get any.

The downside of this-they'll take his side and all start calling you stuff, BUT just approach this how you want to. If you are not confrontational in that way, just tell him how you feel, and if he does it again-just walk away.

I agree though that if he doesn't stop that you should break up with him. None of my bf's ever pulled this crap on me when they were around their friends, unless we were broken up or something.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008):

I don't know what to say, apart from, TELL HIM! Seriously honey, you deserve more than this. I think it's totally unfair when guys treat their girlfriends differently when they're around guy mates, although it is understandable to some extent. Just tell him how you feel, and let him know that if this is all he respects you, then maybe you shouldn't be together. Good luck :]

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