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female
age
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anonymous
writes: What can be the cause when a man does not want any sex with his wife?Is this possible,that he doesn't know why?What can you do,if he says he loves you,but he never wants sex, ever, for years. He never looks at me naked, or touches me. I asked many times,if its me, but he says no, he has no idea. I'm in good shape.. We are married 22 years ago, and he was very highly sexual before. It started few years ago, and we have no sex in our marriage now, at all. I'm panicked, what can I think about this???? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): Maybe I can talk on behalf of your husband, as I am a married man of 21 years and am presently playing the role of your husband as you describe above. While I am not to the extreme that your husband seems to be, as I do enjoy seeing my wife naked and still do want to have sex, I know that my sex drive has started to wane over the past several years, especially since turning 45. Unfortunately, there is natural decline in a man's sex drive due to the natural decline in testosterone as the man ages. In addition to resulting in a lessened sex drive, declining testosterone levels can also relust in loss of muscle mass and a general lack or energy. This lack of energy can also result in a reduced sex drive.However, at least for me, this does not totally explain the decline in my sex drive. Back in the good old days, I was constantly wanting to have sex, and quantity generally was more important than quality. My desire was never an issue and just thinking about sex was enough to get me aroused and ready for action. As a result, I think (and I'm just speculating) my wife became somewhat lazy in the sense that she never had to do anything other than to wink at me, and I'd be ready to go and do everything necessary to satisfy both of us (if she didn't orgasm from intercourse, I would take care of her orally).Now, as my sex drive has declined, as well as my energy levels, it takes more to get me aroused and into the mood than just a wink. At this point, I am interested more in quality than quanity. Unfortunately, my wife has not yet adapted to this change in me and is still operating in the mode whwere she expects me to initiate everything and that just saying that she is interested in having sex should be enough to get me going and get down to business. As far as the business itself is concerned, when we do have sex (probably twice a month), it tends to be the same old routine stuff that, years ago never got old, but now, due to my declining sex drive, seems to get more and more boring. The combination of a declining sex drive, less energy, and the expectation that the sex is going to be boring, has lessened my desire to initiate sex even when I am in the mood.After all of that, assuming that you haven't done so already, I would recommend trying to change things up. Wear something sexy around the house just for fun, while doing household chores, for example. Get some books or videos and surprise him with some new sex moves. Greet him at the door naked. Send him a nude photo of yourself (hide your face just in case). Go out to dinner wearing a skirt without panties and flash him while on the way to the restaurant...or at the restaurant for that matter. The possibilities are endless, but what I'm getting at is that maybe livening things up will help. Doing things that are totally unexpected from you. It doesn't have to be every single time. Just enough to keep him interested and excited.I have tried to get my wife to try at least some of these things, but she hasn't....or can't bring herself to try anything new for some reason. I guess she's just not comfortable with new things. What I can say is that I would love for some of these things to happen from time to time and that I think it would help me greatly. Maybe, if you haven't done so already, you can try this with your husband?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): I'm 40, and divorced. You have to ask yourself the really hard question. Is it you? Not likely.
It could be a few things, besides the dreaded outside affair.
1. His Health. Maybe his sex drive is gone because of a hormone thing, or something worse. If he loves you he should share your concern. A trip to Doc would answer this.
2. Porn/masterbation. Sorry- if he is taking matters into his own hands, maybe he has developed some fetishes that are impossible or improbable for you to fulfill.
I don't know what you have tried to seduce him, but maybe you need to feign interest as well. Perhaps let him catch you pleasing yourself, or maybe you could point out some attractive men while you are out together. Make him feel like he needs to earn you.
Of course, communication is key, and if he isn't interested in fixing things, your problems are worse than you imagine. I hope this is the farthest thing from the truth! Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (11 April 2011):
go to the doctor. it could be some kind of a mid life thing.. no offence you guys are a little older and these kind of things can happen and not because of no desire but some other kind of problem. go to the doctors.
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