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female
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anonymous
writes: My bf and I are having a hard time lately. Yesterday when I asked for a cuddle instead of sex, he commented that 'he should be used to being rejected by me sexually' . I dont understand, We had already had sex 7 times!! that day. What is going wrong with us, we are not connecting at any level, yet we used to be 'like glue' Help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): if sex is that important to him, then something tells me that he's not good for you.the relationship should be more important than the sex.if you guys can't work something out that's fair, then see a counselor. if he won't go or you can't work something out in there, it is seriously time to move on.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 October 2005):
 If you were to ask around, I think you'd find that a large swathe of the male population would be pretty pleased with sex seven times a day. Even having sex twice a day would put a smile on the face of the majority of men.
That's what makes me think that there's more to this than meets the eye. He's either stewing over some other issue, or some other "rejection", or he's a control freak who's amping up the pressure on you, in order to knock your self-esteem down to his level.
Because you used to have a good relationship, and the fact that you say you're not connecting on other levels, I think it might be the former, that he's mad about something else and just used the 'cuddle' issue as a reason to get annoyed.
You two need to work out what the real problem is, because his complaint that you've rejected him by asking for a cuddle is pretty hilarious at face value.
The only way to do that is to communicate, but that could be difficult if he's harbouring some sort of power/resentment over you. One way to address the root problem is to go to a neutral third party who can listen to both sides of your complaint and facilitate understanding on both sides. Look into couples' counselling if you can't get your boyfriend to tell you what his REAL problem is.
Good luck.
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