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female
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anonymous
writes: My bf and I are not communicating, we are arguing. I will try to say, how I feel, he becomes defensive and thinks I am blaming him for how I feel. He suggests something and all I hear is rejection. We both know men and women are different and literally talk different languages, so how are we going to firgue out what the other one means without it being another arguement? Really need help or we will just end up losing something special. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2005): i know how ya feel! i had th same prob a while back! we couldnt do it so had to split. but we tried everythin! the only thing you can do is keep talking! tell each other how you feel. a good bit of advice here, trust me! dont be too serious about things, have fun. but remember if you have to work to hard for the relationship to work, and your unhappy,its not meant to be. i do honestly feel your pain!
A
female
reader, Silky +, writes (30 October 2005):
OK, when you say special, how special? How long have you been together? Its often hard to continue a relationship with someone if you can understand eachother. The whole 'men and women are differnt' thing is rubbish! Yeh in some ways but we both still have emotions and know whats good from bad. He sound like he finds it hard to take what to him sounds like harsh critasisume. You need to let him know your not having a go at him. Start off buy saying I really need to talk to you but I dont want you to freak out (saying it with a smile wouldnt hurt, it takes the edge off) If he dose start to play up remind him that the conversation isnt just all about him and that its about the both of you as a couple. Arguing is stress! And Stress isnt worth um.... the stress? If he still gets all la de da about it ask yourself, is it all worth it? Lifes to short to worry, by being with this guy who dosnt understand you, you could be missing out on meeting the one that does. Dont miss out!
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A
male
reader, Viper  +, writes (30 October 2005):
 Relationships can be hard sometimes, a situation like this could be improved by you two actually putting time out to explain eac other's feelings, ask him how he feels and try to include how you feel but not in a way which will put him thinking that he has been given the blame. Sometimes arguments are the best things to happen though, "with bad comes good", is your relationship really something special to worry about if it is mostly arguing. Many times in my relationships, you may argue but if you make it one argument alone the truth does come and you can see if it really is worth the worry.
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A
reader, Dotty +, writes (30 October 2005):
Hey girl, what you are dealing with is not so bad. It is simply a typical communication block as you have already identified with. So you have already won half the battle. Both of you sound like rational people. Have you ever tried to write notes to omne another. Just that. No communication other than letters. Many people that cannot communicate will just write letters and trust me it makes a whole difference.
For one neither of you can interrupt the other, you can reread the letter until you actually read what is being said.
It is one of the safest ways to communicate. If you both are willing to save your love, then this will be an easy test to try.
You are just both strong willed and a bit opinionated and that makes for a bit of a struggle in the communication area.
After you write your letters, then make love. Thats always a god way to end a conversation. The non-verbal way sometimes is the best way.
GOOD LUCK~D~
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2005): If you have not done so already, read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus By John Gray, Its a funny read but it makes sense. All the best
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