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female
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*ornStarKitty
writes: my fiance wont come near me! i've tried and tried to get him to want to have sex, he works hard and i understand that but once in 3 weeks is not enough! im starting to worry thats its me and he just doesnt find me attractive! which he denies! can you help??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006): Hey I'm a guy who read this and figured i'd chime in to see if I could help.
Honestly, its impossible to tell exactly what his deal is but here's some things I would definitely assume it could be.
I don't know what kind of guy he is, but depending on how long you've been together maybe he feels insecure about himself or performance in the bedroom and its causing him anxiety. You'd be surprised how many guys have this problem and of course none will ever admit to it being the case.
Also, while the infrequency you describe is something i'd say you ought to worry about (again I dont' know how long you've been together or if this is a change from 'how it used to be') different people have different sex drives. Not only that, your sex drive can change or be affected by certain situations. I was with my last girlfriend for a year and a half. We had sex on average 2 to 3 times a day. I thought it was great and would've been with her more had I no need for work or sleep.
We've broken up however and since then my sexual interactions have been sparse, few and far between, and whats kinda strange to me is that I don't even really feel the need for sex so much. Almost to the point where I'm starting to wonder if there's something up with me. I talked to a doctor and he said simply your sex drive changes and is affected by tons of things and can fluctuate wildly. Maybe your guy just really needs less, but that said I'm sure you can get him to be more conscious about it and raise it if necessary by working together. I know it sounds unromantic, but maybe plan time for sex. This isn't as boring as it sounds and sometimes helps relax you because you know that you have that to look forward to so your mind and body can build up anticipation towards the event.
Finally, I would also not discount the possibility that maybe he isn't as attracted to you as you are to him. However, if he is with you and you are openly together I would not think that to be the case. I don't know of any guys offhand who practice making mates of soemone they aren't atttracted to. Anyways, good luck and hopefully I was of some help.
K-
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): trust me love as the years go on the less sex you have, my bf and i use to have sex maybe 3 to 4 times a week then 6 months hit then it turn to maybe once every 2 to 3 weeks, 1 year went by and i only get sex maybe once a month and now its been 2 years and the last time we had sex was about 2 months go, my bf's sex drive is not low its just finding the time to do it after work, and i think when you are together for awhile we take each other for granted and see it like " we can have it when ever we want, so its not a big deal if we dont have it all the time because its always their", b4 i moved in with my bf we would see each other more then what we do now but because we didnt live together it felt like we had to do it because we could not see them everyday and wake up next to them every mornig. so dont stress its not because of your appearance or anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): You are not alone in your struggle. Believe me. So many people write in with this problem. Firstly, don't do this to yourself and accept that you can't change your fiancee and it isn't 'you'. Believe him when he says this because he's being honest and loving with you. Only you can only change your response to this situation. A self confident woman who "knows" that her own sexuality, is extremely attractive to a man. If you are openly complaining about this to him..that could be a turn off. So just watch how you are coming across to him.
If you feel his libido is too low for you, then convince him to see a physician. Stress of work can be a factor here, testosterone levels may be low. There are a whole gamut of physiological problems that can affect a man's libido. But just don't blame yourself for his low libido. Because it will eat away at your self-worth and that's a painful place to go for any person. From what you are saying..it sounds like he loves you very much and that you both are communicating openly and honestly. Talk with him about your sexual desire and concerns outside of the bedroom in a non-threatening way. Work with your fiancee to make your time together exciting and special and keep making special time together a priority. Cuddle, hugs, keep being affectionate but try not to focus on the quantity of sex..but enoy the quality. Keep taking care of your emotional health and always remember how wonderful you are. It doesn't matter what his issues are. They are his libido issues. Don't own them. Just be patient and supportive. Don't expect immediate results. It's his problem, so make a conscious effort to wordlessly give that back to him, hun. Just encourage him to seek help for the low libido and let him know your feelings about it. I wish you both luck and happiness. Take care, dear
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (1 February 2006):
 We all have different sex drives which can cause problems, some people have low sex drives and others want it several times a day.
It sounds like your partner is happy with the ammount of sex you have, has it always been like this or has somehting happened, maybe he is tired after work, is he depressed, do you have a relaxed enviroment to have sex in, do you you have foreplay.
You could explain that you need it more oftern and ask him to meet you half way maybe have sex once a week, if your sex drive is high maybe you could pleasure yourself and try and involve him in this.
Sex is one of the most common things that break up relationships and you may just hav to accept that in the bedroom you are not compatible and end your relationship.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (1 February 2006):
 I understand how you feel. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me and his sex drive is much lower than mine. He is having problems at work too and hasn't been in the mood to make love lately. It is really annoying but I'm sure it's nothing to do with you. He is just not in the mood full stop, not even to pleasure himself!
You've just got to be patient and understanding if you love them. I spoke to him last week, as I don't feel I could go on forever only having sex a couple of times a week. He reassured me and said he'd try harder and he has. Try talking you your guy, tell him you're not happy with the amount you have sex and things have to change. I'm sure you dont' expect it 10 times a day (even though that would be good sometimes!), relationships are about compromise and it has to be about both of you.
Hope this has helped. All you can do is talk to him and he should try harder if he wants to keep you happy. Good luck
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