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male
age
,
Goldenboy71
writes: This is my story starting with my first wife who I married in 1976 and loved the core of my being she was highly intelligent spoke four languages Jewish a devoted mother fantastic person, lover and friend.In the later stages of our marriage after 14.5 years she was becoming progressively worse health wise and was going to become a paraplegic I couldn't deal with it and sought a psychologist to help me deal with it. We had not been having sex for some time because she was in so much pain.So I went to prostitutes to satisfy my lust it was not very good did not make me feel any better and I was cheating on my wife that was near the end of her life. I felt ashamed that I did it, but is still did it.After she committed suicide it ripped me apart because I wasn't allowed to be there to hold her hand when she died it was against the law at that time in 1990.I went overseas for six months and met an English Lady who I became romantically involved and had great sex with she was slim great tan looked great naked and later married.We only stayed married for one year and towards the end of the marriage it was quite hostile. I sought sex with prostitutes again without really enjoying it I met another lady sexy, exciting to be with and a fantastic friend the sex was ok in the beginning and we got married in 1997 married for 23 years. During that time of marriage I looked at young naked women on my computer and masturbated to them.Also I sought out prostitutes to fulfil my needs some were quite exciting to be with but mostly not and I felt bad about it could never discuss sex and intimacy with my ex-wife as she had a medical condition of the vulva sex was painful for her.Eventually I not only masturbated to naked young women, but went on line to watch webcams women simulating sex with dildos etc I did not interact with them just used them to masturbate to.I took it to the next level and went on dating apps during Covid 2020 trying to find young women in their 30's to meet and have sex with I was 69 years old and fantasised about having sex with them.I sent messages to them but never met them paid for it out of our joint account and eventually one day got caught sending messages to what turned out to be a BOT!One day my ex-wife saw me emailing a BOT and that was the start of the end of our marriage.My ex-wife said there were RED FLAGS in our marriage she dispelled and shouldn't have for instance at my bucks night had strippers and I got naked and danced with one sexy lady and danced close to her she came on me whilst dancing.Another occasion my ex-wife caught me looking at naked women in 2015 whilst I was in my car lying down due to pain.We had the perfect marriage according to our friends and we were the best of friends, its just sex and intimacy was missing, when I had major operations between 2010 and 2017 sex was not important to me.As I recovered 2018 it became important and I sought to masturbation and webcams and more.I feel ashamed I wrecked our marriage, but angry that my ex-wife did not make any attempts to talk to me about sex and intimacy she must have known I was masturbating and what did she think I was doing when I did that? She is still sad and angry three years later as we apply for divorce and oscillates from hating me sending nasty text messages to being friends. She admits she still loves and cares about me but can never trust me again to work on our marriage. She accuses me of being a narcisist which I know I am not one.I am a nice, honest man, good and kind with this desire still for sex and intimacy and with a very attractive woman of whatever age and desire to find another partner, but not make the same mistakes this time and be open and honest at all times about what I need and desire as well as her needs and desires.My question is once a cheater in whatever form am I always likely to be a cheater or am I a victim of circumstances?
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