A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together for a long time and, since we are both virgins, we decided that we are not going to have sex until we are married. So, as an alternative we will "mess around" by touching and pleasuring each other, but we are saving that actual act of sex until marriage. Well, I have recently found out that my partner is into trying different and 'out there' things in bed. For example, he says he wants to try the 69 position, upside down positions, and things that seem very kinky. He isn't into toys or anything, but he would like to try experimenting with different foods and oils. The problem is that I don't want to do anything adventurous in bed. Sex is a sacred thing to me, and I don't think that it should be 'played around with' in ways that aren't purely passionate and loving. The thought of doing something sexual just for fun is a bit unnerving to me. I told him that the thought of doing these things is a major turn off to me and explained how I felt. When I did, he became very distant and depressed like I had just told him that I didn't want to marry him anymore. He said that he didn't understand why I didn't want to try new things and see what else was out there. I tried to explain it to him further, but he just became sadder and sadder until we eventually changed the subject. Why is he acting like this and what do I need to do to help him move past this hinderance?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): I agree with the fact that even tho ur not up doin the oils and food u should think about the thing ur fiance like even if ur not curtain because of ur belifes and wat not.
I think u should pleasure ur man in watever he liks because if u don't do it for him in the long run he will find someone who will.that's just how things sometimes happen.I guess ur not up to the facts of wat happens behind closed doors.many married people end up divorced cuz they sex life sucks and each partner want different thing then wat they like or one of the partner want something the other is not up to doin.
U are jus probly to young for marriage then because if u can't pleasure ur man now that ur not married imagine wen ur married.life in ur bedroom won't go nowhere and ur marriage will go down the drain.
I say give him a good time surprise him
Give him all u got cuz that y he deppressed
He needs u to be all u with him.fell comfortable now because in your marriage if u do want it to work ur kinkyness will have to go to extremes.freaky,forplay,and all.
HAVE FUN
Sherry=)
A
female
reader, MutantKitten  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 The thing about sex is..it's just as much about giving as receiving. The point I tried to make with the scripture was that all this other 'messing around' is encouraged in the Bible. Why? Because it's as much about pleasing the other person as getting something out of it yourself. Many girls like giving oral sex not because the act itself is somehow pleasurable, it's the knowing that what you're doing is giving the other person so much pleasure. Kind of like how it's fun when you give someone a Christmas present and they absolutely love it? The pleasure is in the giving not the receiving.
There's nothing embarassing about trying new sexual things. You're going to have times when 'embarassing' things just happen, but if you have a strong relationship, you can laugh it off and try again. If you feel that these (pretty common and vanilla) sexual practices are shameful and embarassing, you two just aren't a sexual match. I'd agree with Satindesire and say you gotta work on this, or you'll both be trapped in a sexually frustrating marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all of your feedback, believe me, I do. It's not really that I am afraid of it, it just seems almost gross to me. I don't like having oral sex, and I have tried it. The reasons that I don't want to do it aren't that I don't want him to have fun, I just don't want to go through with it, pretending I want it, and then come out of it completely unfulfilled, ashamed, and embarrassed at having tried it.
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A
female
reader, MutantKitten +, writes (19 January 2009):
If you're religious, you'll probably be familiar with the Song of Songs?
It's in the book of Solomon if you're not too familiar with it, and it has to do with a husband and wife, and the joy of sex. Many different types of sex acts are alluded to, and portrayed as holy, natural and beautiful. Here are how some passages are interpreted:
4:13 "orchard of pomegranates" - depicts the beauty and colortone of her vulva which abounds in delights to his senses.
4:13 "pleasant fruits" - Her vagina is a source of sexual refreshment for him to experience. As a carefully cultivated Eastern garden yields delicious "fruit", so his bride's garden is a source of delicious fruit (sexual pleasure), when "cultivated." Furthermore, it is a source of fertility. To make love with her is like entering Paradise. Her pleasures are secret and hidden from all but her husband - the rightful owner of the garden.
4:16 Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits.
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.
If sex is spoken about so beautifully, and they are so eager to please each other in so many ways and it is sanctioned in the Bible, does that make your future husbands requests seem more acceptable? Clearly this couple is enjoying sex to the fullest, so there's no need to feel guilty about having fun during sex.
I'd also like to mention that many oils were used back in Israel during sex and sexual play.
I really encourage you to read and learn more about the different interpretations of the Song of Songs.
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