A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I know some of you are probably thinking I'm too young, others thinking I should wait til marriage or the right guy, others that it's no big deal. Problem is, that's all that has been on my mind this past year, especially since starting college in September. Part of me just feels like I'm ready to experience sex now and the other part not. I've never had a boyfriend and don't know if I'll have one anytime soon and I'm almost tempted to just have sex with one of the guys I know. But then I'll most probably feel stupid afterwards. I don't know... What should I do? What would or did you do?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 December 2015):
Wait for a boyfriend. If it’s just sex for the sake of it, there will be nothing to it apart from the act itself: no compliments, no-one to tell you you’re special and how much they care about you, no reassurance, no making plans for a nice day together before your first time. It’ll probably be disappointing at best, horrible at worst. Part of you can’t feel like you’re not ready for sex: you’re either ready, or you’re not. It does not sound to me like you are, and there is no urgency. It’s on your mind because that’s just how it is at your age. Of course you’re curious and want to experience it, but even if you do have a casual hook-up, that’s still so different from a sex life as part of a relationship that you’ll be no more experienced or prepared for that anyway.I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 December 2015):
 I had sex with the first and best I could find. You'll soon discover though, that men are NOT as into sex as they like to brag about. I tried to hit on so many guys, and I just wanted sex, and finally I got a friend of mine to bed by basically fooling him into it and having to convince him and "groom" him for how long before he finally built up the courage to have sex with me. And even then, when I was ready to go all the time, we only did it 4 times in 6 months!
I don't think it was a big deal, but then again looking back I think I'd have been better of just waiting for a guy who was actually interested in me. Or at least interested in having sex with me and not someone I had to drag into it and "convince" to do it. Boys your age are timid creatures. They have body issues and are nervous and their bodies are just changing and they are insecure like all other girls are, and worse, they watch too much porn and feel low about themselves for not being big enough or lasting long enough.
Sure, they talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk.
And, since it actually wasn't that big of an issue for me (No angel choir broke out), I don't think there would have been much harm in waiting. It's not like I would have missed out on anything. Honestly, those 4 times in 6 months were less impressive, and not exactly romantic, sexy, or inspiring. It was clumsy, weird, and in my opinion happened way too rarely. I would have been much happier being in a steady relationship where I could get to explore on a more regular basis with someone who was as genuinely interested in exploring sex as I was. It'd have been great, of course, if I found a boyfriend at the time who I was in love with and who was in love with me, sure. But like you, I didn't see that happening in the near future, and didn't want to wait. I didn't end up in a relationship with someone I was in love with, who was in love with me in return, until I was 19.
So my advice to you is... If it's gonna make you feel awkward afterwards then don't do it, because it really is not that big of a deal, you do not feel like a changed woman, no angels break out into singing, no magical doors open. And if you do it with a friend who you will feel awkward about doing it with, you've only created a barrier and lost a friend and made things awkward.
I suggest you try kissing and making out first, and if things are not awkward after that, then move on to the next step. And you MUST decide beforehand whether this is an EXCLUSIVE thing or not. Because drama and love triangles are bound to happen unless you set some ground rules.
Oh, and one last tip for you. Having had sex with someone you will (or most people will) feel very territorial about that person. Like he's "yours" now. Watch out for that, and decide early on whether you actually want a guy to be yours (relationship) or if you'd be fine having sex with him, and the very next thing he's doing it with some other girl. Because speaking from experience that sucks, no matter what age you are or how many times you've had sex before.
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