A
female
age
51-59,
*rikaJ
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we've been living together for almost 2 years. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that he loves me with all his heart. The problem is, our sex life has steadily gone downhill over the past year and a half. I don't think he's cheating on me because he comes right home after work every day and hardly ever goes out alone. The problem seems to be porn.I always knew he spent some time jerking off to porn, but it wasn't a big deal because we had a good sex life. I saw it as "dessert" in addition to regular sex. But over the past year, I have discovered by looking at his computer history that he is watching it every day - every morning before work (he leaves very early), sometimes at lunch time (he comes home for lunch because work is very close), and pretty much any time that he is home alone. Where we used to have sex 4 or 5 times a week, now it's only once or less, mostly because I initiate it. I get the feeling that he would fine to go 2 weeks or more without it.I have talked to him about it and asked what the problem is or if there is anything I can do to make it more exciting for him, but he says no, and he gets very defensive and upset. He's always "too tired" for sex, but he always has time for porn and even gets up half an hour early every day to make time for it.I am very open sexually and have a high sex drive, so I am feeling more and more frustrated by this. I'm actually feeling jealous of the time he spends jerking off to porn while I am left unsatisfied and feeling hurt and rejected. It's gotten to the point that it seems he is choosing porn and masturbation over having sex with me. This is killing my self confidence and it's hard to feel sexy with this in the back of my mind all the time. I don't want to end the relationship, but I'm running out of ideas... and I miss the intimacy we used to have. I feel lonely and neglected.Any advice or insights?
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confidence, jealous, porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 July 2009):
 wow give this guy an ultimatum seek help or your leaving you cant go on like this forever and obviously he doesnt care about you as much as you care for him
A
female
reader, ErikaJ +, writes (11 July 2009):
ErikaJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLazyGuy - Thanks for your answer. Just to clarify things, he has no problem at all with his erection when we do have sex. I am able to satisfy him every time and he always satisfies me. I tell him that I love the way he touches me and that I love having sex with him.
He gets defensive when I have asked why he doesn't want sex very much anymore and doesn't want me to bring it up. So I pretty much have to wait for him to initiate things or he feels "pressured". He also gets defensive if I say anything about how much porn he watches, so I haven't said anything about it for months. But I know it is still happening every day.
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A
female
reader, ErikaJ +, writes (11 July 2009):
ErikaJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLazyGuy - Thanks for your answer. Just to clarify things, he has no problem at all with his erection when we do have sex. I am able to satisfy him every time and he always satisfies me. I tell him that I love the way he touches me and that I love having sex with him.
He gets defensive when I have asked why he doesn't want sex very much anymore and doesn't want me to bring it up. So I pretty much have to wait for him to initiate things or he feels "pressured". He also gets defensive if I say anything about how much porn he watches, so I haven't said anything about it for months. But I know it is still happening every day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): He may need counseling for porn addiction. I wouldn't like it either.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Remember that porn does not care about premature ejaculation or the strength of the erection or it going limp.
Porn does not judge. Women do that and men do not take critism well. Not even the thought of critism.
He becomes defensive about the lack of sex OR the use of porn?
Just because he looks at porn does not mean he masturbates and even that doesn't mean it is with an erection that would be useful for intercourse. If he no longer feels up to it, that might be a powerful killer of sex drive.
But frankly it could be a lot things.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2009):
 I am going to agree with the anon poster who mentions porn addiction.
The thing is, you need to talk to him about it ( not calling it addiction to start with ) but tell him you feel neglected. See how it goes. If you telling him you want MORE of him and more often makes him realize that you want him and you want sex with him. If he doesn't step up, then I would really consider the addiction part.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): I cannot believe how often this questions shows up here, daily for sure, I believe this is becoming epidemic! I believe your boyfriend is either a victim of, or pretty close to, porn addiction. That's not a funny.Porn addiction robs men of their desire for their women, it's a self-ish addiction in the love department. It has nothing to do with you or how attractive you are, in fact, you are handling this quite well.Your boyfriend is addicted to the chemicals produced by his own body when he gets excited and masturbates. That is why he does it so often. If he actually tried to go a week without, he would go through withdrawels just like any other addict. Actually, I may be jumping to conclusions, perhaps he is not that bad yet. Only you and he can answer wether or not he is an addict.Go to npsupport.net to read stories from addicts and their mates,
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