A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 22 years old and a virgin. I have been single for two years. During my previous relationships, I wasn't ready or interested in sex, but now I am. I've been dating a guy for a couple months. The relationship is still new, but I want to be prepared for sex if when we become a couple. However, I know very little from birth control and would like advice.When I'm sexually active, I'm planning to use a condom (for him) and also have some kind of birth control. I suppose the easiest option are birth control pills but I know nothing about them. Can I just ask for them at the pharmacy? Also, what are the side effects? I heard they make you gain weight which I'm not fond of. However, I'd prefer to take a pill than have something invasive done to my body. What are my other options? And would a condom and birth control pills would be enough?I'm not asking behalf of this relationship, but in general because I know the time will come. What else should I do to prepare? Should I visit the doctor with my future boyfriend before any sexual activities?Thank you!
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male
reader, daletom +, writes (17 May 2013):
If you are single and a virgin at 22 you are among roughly 5% - 10% of women your age. That's a definite minority, but a very significant minority. More importantly, it shows that you value your sexuality and you can think for yourself. I admire that!
In the U.S., oral contraceptives must be prescribed by a doctor. Technically a basic GYN exam and history review must be done first but a few clinics have a reputation for giving contraceptive prescriptions to almost anybody healthy enough to walk in and ask. Don't fall for that - like "So Very Confused" said, you really should have regular GYN exams, and they still recommend a more thorough exam before becoming sexually active (it used to be called the "premarital exam"). Health insurance (yours, or your parents') should cover the cost except for a nominal co-pay. If you're afraid your parents might find out, many doctors will camouflage the procedure behind related medical codes. (At one time, "Consultation for menstrual cramps" was commonly used.)
In general your B/F will not go to the exam with you. (And a "future B/F", or "potential B/F", almost certainly not!) Possible exceptions:
- The doctor or clinic may offer to advise both of you, individually or together, about contraception, STD's, etc. If the offer "feels good" for BOTH of you, it probably can't hurt but it also probably takes more sophistication and maturity than many virgins have. (That's NOT a derogatory comment, just a statement of how things are.)
- If you are truly engaged to be married and he is going for the male version of the "premarital exam". (Some places require STD testing of both partners, or other physical exams, before a legal marriage.)
- You are very nervous and embarrassed and truly need his presence for support and assurance. (I don't really know, but I suspect a good FEMALE friend - or a sister or mother - may be a better choice for a companion.)
The formulas and recommendations about oral contraceptives seem to change every other year or so. Side effects have been noted over the half century since these medications were introduced; some are fluid retention, high libido, low libido, headaches, increased blood pressure, heavy periods, nausea, and probably a dozen others. They affect a minority of women, and many are limited to a particular brand or formula. Talk to your doctor to get the latest, most accurate information!
I want to emphasize what "iAmHereToHelpYou" said about timing. You sound very responsible regarding the biological aspects of sex. The mental and emotional aspects of sex are at least as significant as the physiological. I don't think you want to simply "get it over with", but you want to add sex to a serious relationship and express that relationship through your sexuality. It will almost certainly take you several months to truly get to that kind of relationship with a guy - and it wouldn't be unreasonable to take a year or more, even at your age and experience. The common advice is that adding sex to a relationship too soon will stifle the growth of that relationship; many break up shortly after adding sex, many continue for a long time but never grow much beyond that point. If you search this (and similar) Forums you will find some people who regret their first sexual experiences; and many who don't actually regret it but wish it had been with a different person, a later time, or different circumstances. There are VERY FEW who say, "Gee - I wish I had not waited to start having sex.".
(OK, I admit that I think sex should be between mutually committed, loving, couples who are serious about the likelihood of being life partners. Others on the Forum hold different views.)
Regarding your very first intercourse . . . I think you should take the measures necessary so you can enjoy it with natural, naked genitals. Contraception and STD's are VERY REAL problems and you MUST consider them before you can have sex responsibly. However, "condoms" is not the only answer, and when one or both partners are virgins I don't think it's a very good answer.
The advance planning and preparation include knowing your partner and being committed to each other; having necessary STD tests; and being on the pill or other contraception that permits naked-genital intercourse.
As a virgin, you - and probably your partner - will be nervous and uncertain. A condom is something else to worry about. Thinking of it will distract you from the significance and pleasure of the first-time experience.
Young couples, especially when one is a virgin, are likely to use condoms incorrectly and perhaps miss out on the "protection" they are expected to provide. (You will not want to interrupt the flow of your lovemaking while he puts on the condom. At the end of his ejaculation he should immediately pull out, remove the condom, and wash. You will probably want him to remain inside you, and will feel disappointed if he has to step aside at the start of the most significant cuddle-time of your life.)
Most, though not all, women report some degree of discomfort from their first intercourse even if it doesn't go as far as pain. Your partner will be aware of this (at least he SHOULD be aware, even if he's also a virgin!) and will want to minimize your discomfort. It will be more difficult for him to do so with a condom. Chances are that once your vagina has enveloped his erection you won't want the stroking to go for a long time. Without a condom he will be able to finish quicker. (After some experience you may actually want him to last longer, and condoms are useful for this.)
My wife and I experienced the physical and emotional intensity of a double-virgin wedding night. Under those conditions, giving our virginity to each other symbolized and affirmed many things at the mental and emotional level. (And I admit that at the physical level, the very first time wasn't very good sex. That changed with the second time, a couple hours later.) We both agree that the experience of bare genitals receiving and giving a natural insemination during our first time had a significant psychological effect. (Your first time may be under different circumstances, and even those with situations similar to ours may come away from it thinking "So what's the big deal?", or "I waited 20 years for THIS??!!".)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): The combination of condoms and contraceptive foam worked effectively for my wife and I for many years. You could also look into a diaphragm. The advantage of these is that you're not introducing extra hormones into your body as you do when you take the pill or have implants.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 May 2013):
 You must at your age be seeing a gynecologist for regular well woman visits.
IF you are not, find a gynecologist(or a local planned parenthood clinic) and when you go for your well woman visit, they will ask if you are sexually active. You can say not yet but you plan to be and then they will discuss your birth control options.
Birth control pills must be prescribed by a doctor.
You do not and should NOT take your boyfriend to your doctors visits. Once you are in a committed serious relationship, that can change however. My husband and I often attend each others doctors sessions
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 May 2013):
 The idea that the pill makes you gain weight is a myth - yes it does alter your hormones in some cases but it does not cause you to pick up more cakes, put them in your mouth and stop exercising. Weight gain is down to eating more and exercising less, so as long as you continue to be healthy and exercise then you wont gain weight.
In the UK we have to go to the doctor to get the pill - you need your blood pressure checked before they can give it to you because the pill is associated with DVT so you need to be in good health before a doctor will allow you to have it.
I'm not sure if it is the same in the US, but I'd recommend you see the doctor even if you could get it from the pharmacy, its best to have a check up before you start taking birth control and they will also be able to advise you on any other options that you have available to you.
I have been on the pill since the age of 16 (I'm 26 now) and have never had any side effects whatsoever, however I do have friends who have never felt right on the pill regardless of which one they tried at a particular time. Every person is different and we all get different side effects (if any) so I wouldnt worry about this just yet. Try the pill and see how it works for you, if you dont like it then try a different brand of pill (there are hundreds of different types all with slightly different levels of hormones, all providing the same level of protection but some do different jobs e.g. control acne as well etc).
Speak to your doctor and give it a try, if you dont like it after a few months then go back and try a different one.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (17 May 2013):
 I did some interneting for you. Here's what I found, I hope this helps!http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/810522/birth-control-pills-facts-you-need-to-knowhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birth_control_pillhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CondomAs for what you should do to prepare, most women find that their first time having sex is much less uncomfortable if they have an orgasm first before their male partner penetrates them with his penis for the first time. Are you familiar with your body? Are you aware of the location and function of your clitoris? Can you bring yourself to orgasm easily, and are you prepared to teach your partner how to bring you to orgasm? Most young men are not fully aware of the important of the clitoris in most women's sexual satisfaction so be prepared for the possibility that he won't be familiar with a woman's body properly. The only thing you need to do is just be comfortable with yourself and your sexuality and body so that you can teach him how to please you properly.Talking about sex openly and without shame is VITAL, ABSOLUTELY VITAL to making sex good. First time sex usually isn't good, so please don't have unrealistic expectations for it. Good sex takes practice, time to learn each other's responses, likes and dislikes. Talk. Share. Don't be embarrassed....sex is natural and healthy. Just be safe and you'll be fine.
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