A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I'm almost 32, my hubby is almost 34. We've been trying to have a baby for 2 months now, having sex every other day. We're both healthy and in good shape, don't smoke and don't drink alcohol. Unfortunately, after two months, I'm not pregnant and I'm starting to worry. Should we give it a few more tries or should we go see a doctor straight away? Is it normal not to get pregnant by having sex every other day for two whole months? What's your experience? I'm freaking out... though it'd be easier! Thank you all! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (15 August 2012):
Yeah, in general the medical threshold for "conception problems" is a full year of regular, unprotected sex. I haven't kept notes, but real couples I'm aware of seem to take a few months on average to get a bay started. When we decided to have kids my wife and I just stopped using contraception and it took 2 or three months. I don't recall how long because it wasn't something we had rigidly scheduled, so we didn't get stressed about it. We just kept having sex like married lovers (it probably averaged about 5 or 6 times a week at that point in our lives) and accepted that eventually it would happen.
Unfortunately . . . that baby died from birth complications, leaving my wife with the scar from an emergency Caesarean and some really tough emotions. The doctor gave permission to get pregnant again after about 6 weeks, and we started trying - with a vengeance! It took 13 months, and we were just about to start the medical evaluations when it happened.
After a couple of months my wife started reading about ways to increase the probability of conception. There's a LOT of information on that topic - some of it contradictory. I don't recall the details (partly because I wasn't convinced that most of it made a significant difference) but some factors were:
- Time of day you made love
- Positions
- Who climaxed first
- How often you had sex (I think I was supposed to be more fertile if we did it every 2 or 3 days. Or at least more horny.)
- After several months we got the thermometer and charts to do the temperature tracking but she had a tough time remembering to take the temperature immediately when she awoke. Besides, that was our favorite lovemaking time and we didn't need the distraction.
You may find a doctor who can point you to some of this information - over the last 30 years there may have been good research that supports or refutes some of the ideas we found.
(She got mad at me when, a month or two before it happened, I suggested that I should take her to a Prom because it seemed like every 16-year old who goes to the Prom comes home pregnant.)
I think my wife's emotion and stress level had more to do with how long it took to get pregnant than any other factor. The next kid only took a month or two to get started - we had just started talking about "When do we have the next baby?" when it happened. Our last pregnancy took . . . ummmm . . . five years? We weren't sure we even wanted another child, and we got "surprised" - but "unplanned" is DEFINITELY NOT the same as "unloved"!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 August 2012):
 Folic acid and a daily multivitamin might also be a good idea :)
I really wouldn't start on prenatal vitamins til you actually ARE pregnant, but you can.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 August 2012):
 1. It wouldn't hurt for BOTH of you to be checked for fertility details... IF you learn that there is/are problems, you can address them, (but, only) IF you learn what they are...
2. There's nothing wrong with sex every other day.... tho' you could also enjoy one-another TWICE, EACH DAY.... and increase the odds...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (14 August 2012):
Drs say you should try for at least a year. Sex every other day is too often. I would reccomend just 2 per week and when you are ovulating. Stress even when you dont think ur stressed affects you getting pregnant. You should stop trying and just enjoy your husband, then if you get pregnant great. Trying can put the stress on. Also start taking prenatals. It gives your body the vitamins it needs to support pregnancy. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi! Thank you... this is all pretty reassuring! I'm not checking my ovulation because we're newlyweds, so we're kinda enjoying the chore right now! Also, some friends of mine used to go crazy with ovulation kits and all and I don't want to get stressed out. We'll try for another few months then I'll try a more scientific approach with temp/ovulation chart and all. But, really, really, thank you ever so much for you reassuring words!
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (14 August 2012):
 It took my husband and I 2 solid years before we finally got pregnant. Give yourself more time, be patient. Two months is nothing in the grand scheme of your life. :-)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 August 2012):
 The doctors say that after a year of trying you should speak to them but for the first year you just try.
Are you temp charting? You don't need to have sex every other day if you know when you ovulate....
it can start to be a CHORE to try to get pregnant....
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 August 2012):
 2 months means there were only two total chances for you to get pregnant. It's not as though each time you have sex is a new chance at it, you only release one egg every month. Like others said, it normally takes a whole year to get pregnant. Two months is nothing and like dmartin says, most doctors won't even see you if you haven't been trying for a year and/or you are over 35. Are you keeping track of when you ovulate?
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A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (14 August 2012):
 It takes a normal healthy couple on average a year to conceive naturally. A doctor will not see you until you have been trying for 12 months. What specifically have you been doing to help yourself get pregnant?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 August 2012):
2 months is nothing :) However you might want to google ovulation charts and start looking into your "fertile times".
Took my husband and I, 18 months. and then 3 days for #2 lol
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