A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay... So here goes, I am current having sex ( we have done it once) with a guy.... We decided we were going to meet with each other around 14 months ago and thats how it was going to be... Since then we have texted like crazy (flirty messages and that) and we have actually met up about 5 times, on one occasion to make out, another time for oral (both sides) and once to have sex... The meetings have not always been at night and there has been occasions when I have gone to his mum and dads for this... However background is I have known the guy for 10 Years and there was history of us meeting up and dating for a month or two around 7 years ago. I feel like I am going crazy as when we see each other we don't get straight to it, we may have conversations about his family, his work, my ill relatives, we laugh and joke, watch tele in bed together and it's lovely! We then have sex and it goes back to that again... When I text him he doesn't text straight back and it may even be a day it two before he does... We also have had conversations where he said that he knows that if he is nice and tells a guy how he feels she seems disappear and when he is the others way to them they stick around coz they want what they can't have.... I said that person would be wrong for you of that was the case anyhow...finally, when we see each other out whether it be in the local pub we are both too shy to speak to each other in front of others... We glance at each other and are really shy. Well bottom line is I have fallen for him... He has been massively hurt before and wary and I dknt know if he wants me for sex/ fun or whether there could be a future.... Please help
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-much-should-i-dress-up-or-make.html Is this you?
I would end the sex part of the relationship for now then see if he has the gumption to ask you out properly and start a real relationship.
You've known him long enough and have enough of a history that this shouldn't be so puzzling.
I get that you find him attractive and want to jump his bones, but you are also wanting a future with him and can't determine his motives. Which suggests to me that he's not looking for a real girlfriend at the moment, his story about girls leaving after he tells them he likes them seems a bit ridiculous, honestly, and the fact that you two can't talk in front of others suggests to me that he is hiding the fact that you two hook up from his friends.
I would stop meeting up at home and instead suggest a proper date, the next time he takes the time to text you.
You don't sound like you have a good handle on this FWB thing so I'd say the wisest course for you not to feel massively used is to end the WB and stick to the friendship. See if he tries to court you beyond that and if he doesn't, well, that'll be your answer.
There's a good book on my profile about courtship and romance, called "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills PhD. It may help you navigate the next few steps you'll need to take to determine his motives and your depth of interest in him and vice versa. I highly recommend it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 For him a future means that a person won't appreciate what he has (wife and kids) and will want what he can't have (affair, another sex buddy). You are saying that if a person makes him feel that way then that person is not right for him but he probably feels that's the way it is, for every single person. You have to do a lot of convincing and inspiring when there are other guys who would want to be in relationships and don't have such bitter view. It seems like you've fallen for what you can't have either so what he said does have some accuracy.
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