A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 20-year-old virgin and I'm starting to think that I might just possibly be ready for sex...I'm not sure, but I'm also very nervous. I'm not Christian, but I grew-up in a mainly Christian household and when it comes to premarital sex-"the fear of God" has been embedded into me. Is premarital sex so wrong and if so, why?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): I don't think it's right or wrong but I think it changes things. I would just say you gotta be willing to live with your choices if you have sex. It's nobody else's fault if you regret something later on. STDs, pregnancy, etc. Either you did it freely or you got raped, there is no in between.And you cannot control how other people will feel about your sexual actions. You can't decide it should or shouldn't be important to someone else. Your gift of virgnity might be the biggest moment in your life, but that doesn't mean it automatically has to be important to the guy at all. And in the future you might not care about who your husband screwed before you got together, but that doesn't mean your husband automatically owes you the same indifference about your sexual history. Sex involves two people and you are only in charge of your half of the experience.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (19 December 2009):
 This is a decision that each person must make on their own. Personally, I live my life in a Christian way in terms of the Golden Rule and the Ten Commandments, and certainly hope for a life after, though sometimes have my doubts. But I've never thought that "making love" is wrong, providing it really IS making love either to please another or for shared enjoyment. When and with whom is an individual's choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): It's NOT wrong, and what would be wrong is to marry w/o having had sex- if you enter into a marriage w/o a healthy sex life you could be doomed to no sec life at all. You deserve a healthy sex life. Now, IMO, you should not be having sex with anyone and everyone... but someone who you are in a committed relationship with.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (19 December 2009):
 Right or wrong? The lines are right and wrong are drawn differently with each person. Just do what you want to do! If you feel it's wrong, don't do it. And if you think it's "wrong" because you're so afraid of god or anyone else, then you don't really think it's wrong do you? You're just afraid to do what you want to do because of threats. If you believe in doing as the Bible says and the Bible says not to, then don't. Otherwise, listen to yourself. I'm not religious but I don't think God is supposed to scare people into doing what he wants. It seems to me, that scaring you with the "fear of God" is maniuplation.
Personally, I wish I'd waited for my fiancee.
~Sy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): It's not wrong. But its a great way to not end up in a pre-marital pregnancy, and also avoid the pre-marital sexually transmitted diseases.
Use a condom! And then do what every virgin about to have sex should do: prepare yourself with googling dearcupid.org for "loosing virginity" or other pages online and check up on do's and don't's. And last but not least ask yourself the key question that I personally think everyone ought to have asked themselves before having sex:
What will you do if you get pregnant?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (19 December 2009):
Personally I do not believe it's wrong if you do it in the right way.
Everyone has their own morals and you need to figure yours out.
But the way I see it is that if you wait for marriage before sex you will:
a) rush into marriage young
b) run the risk of being sexually incompatible with the man you are married to.
If you marry a man and THEN find out he has a fetish, or is completely turned off by the way you like to have sex, or worse is selfish and just bad in bed, then you are going to stray eventually or divorce.
When the bible was written there was no contraception. No sex before marriage made a lot of sense because women couldn't support themselves. It forced men to be accountable for any children they produced.
If you love someone I see absolutely nothing wrong with expressing that love in a physical way. We get girls on here who end up doing all kinds of degrading things for their boyfriends just so they stay a "virgin" for marriage.
If you find a man who you think you could marry and you make him wait and even get engaged before you have sex then you know you are not giving yourself away and you are just finding out if this man can make you happy and satisfied for the rest of your life.
Do a search through our questions here and see how many you can find that say "The first 3 months were great! But now she wants sex all the time and I can't be bothered / she never wants sex at all and I'm going mad."
I'd rather have had sex with a few men before marriage but know my marriage will last, then save myself and end up divorced and bitter after 3 years together.
Good Luck!! xx
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