A
male
age
41-50,
*oiney
writes:We recently had our first baby, (november), and we are just starting to have sex again and my partner has only been ok as long as we have anal, at first I didn't think anything as we have anal sex quite a lot but when I go to give her oral or try to play with her she clams up,I know her bits may not be as they were before but I have no issue with it and have expressed my feelings to her, when we have had sex she has used a toy at the same time and therefore i'm a bit confused?
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female
reader, vicky83 +, writes (14 March 2010):
 It could be that she still finds it painful, especially if she needed stitches, and as someone has mentioned before it could be that she thinks you may not enjoy it as much, try to reassure her and ask if she has any worries.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): I just had a baby in late January. My b/f and I have had anal sex, but we tried to have sex at three weeks after and again at 4 and a half weeks after. We still have not been able to yet as I still need time to heal. I do find myself clamping up and becoming very nervous when we tried to have sex though. He had to really try to get me to relax. I think it could be a psychological thing, like she expects it to hurt and that makes her clamp up, yet when she pleasures herself with the toys she's not anticipating pain and therefore she doesn't clamp up and is able to do it. Just talk to her about it and tell her you will take things slow, and you can reassure her if she's worried everything won't as tight as it was before. My friends that have had kids and my boyfriend also tell me that it doen't any different than it did before they had children. So thats a plus! I hope that helped!!!
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A
female
reader, CaliMoore +, writes (1 March 2010):
 If she was happy having sex with you before the pregnancy/birth, i can't quite understand why she would now avoid it. What were her reasons when you confronted her as to why your sex life has changed? -Get her to explain her view, and why things have changed.-Ask her if theres anything you can do to make her feel more comfortable-Express your opinions and how you feel like you are the one doing something wrong (saying this will make it more likely for her to come out and tell you the actual truth).Good luck, i hope this has helped :) let me know how you get on x
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 March 2010):
 If she will agree go see her doctor together, if she was okay with sex before the birth it seems a little weird that she now isnt.
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