A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think i am a sex addict and I need help to stop my . Before I go on I don't want anyone judging me. I was in a happy relationship with my boyfriend but things started to go south and I wasnt getting the amount of affection or sex i was used to so before we had split up i was already having sex with 2 ex boyfriends and a one night stand with a guy I had known less than a week. I cheated on him and split up with him so I could carry on sleeping around.We are back together now and I told him everything after he found out about the one night stand and I love him, the sex is great and he makes me happy but I don't fancy him and i'm scared that might slip into my old pattens.It was all safe sex but ive been going through this self distructive patten since I had my first boyfriend at15. I've never been faithfull through a relationship. I either go from one relationship to another or see ex boyfriends for the attention and sex I want. I think it's because I have a low self esteen. My mum left when I was young, my dad was agressive and i was bullied at school to the point of suicide.(I didnt try any thing) How can I change? I can't afford a therapist and I can't rearly afford to travel, so my options are kind of limited but I rearly need help. Please dont write just stop having sex it's like saying to a smoker just stop and go cold turkey.I only have this problem when a relationship i'm in starts going badly. I start looking for my next fix before my supply runs out.Help!
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bullied, one night stand, sex addict, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Read this posting line.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-lied-to-my-fiance-about-my-sexual.html
A
female
reader, snowqueen  +, writes (28 March 2011):
Some people may or may not understand. I think it takes a lot of guts to post this question, and open up about yourself. Its great that you are self aware! So many people just go on sleeping around and not even realising that its a destructive pattern. Sex does relieve stress and makes you feel good, but it becomes a problem when you become dependent on it. It is an addiction, and I suggest you read up on addiction and addictive personalities in general to get more insight on the vicious cycles.You are not a freak or a bad person or anything. You need to overcome the victim mentality, tackle the issues from your past. There are lots of self help books and free counseling out there. Search for it. The bottom line is find your triggers, stressors, moodswings, loneliness, extra...Learn your patterns to be able to predict when you are most vulnerable. Be aware of your state of mind when you "crave". Channel your energy to something more productive, challenging and beneficial for you. Focus on building your self-esteem, praise yourself even for the smallest accomplishments, and invest yourself in a healthy relationship. You have to exercise and train your mind not to depend on your addiction, and take control. It takes time. Be patient. Praise yourself even right now because you are smart and strong enough not to be in denial. It's not easy to break any addiction, but you can really change that. You can be in charge of your life. Hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): You are looking for excuses to continue your behaviour. First you say the relationship was going south because he wasn't giving you enough sex and attention, now you're together and he's giving you the sex and attention you don't fancy him (by the way are you American or British) never mind. You listed a lot of reasons why you're conducting yourself in this manner, your mum and dad, your school, and I'm sure a psychologist can tie this all in neatly and come up with an explanation with regards to you needing validation and acceptance, attention etc etc.NonsenseYou've already ruled out not having sex and you give a smoker as an example..really? So smokers dont quit when their addiction begins to damage their health?Simple truth is you will look for any excuse to continue to do what you're doing, my question is if you broke up with your boyfriend so you can sleep around, then why are you with him if you still want to sleep around?Seems to me he's doing his utmost to make sure he's satisfying your "needs" but you're already looking for a way out.If you dont fancy him then leave him.If you want to sleep around, go right ahead, but make no bones about it, it's because you want to.At the end of the day, we live our lives through the choices we make. If you love your man then focus your energy into the relationship. If you love sex, then leave him and save him the heartache and you go and indulge yourself to your hearts content..after all it's your body, self respect and life.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 The answer really is that simple though. Don't go cold turkey but limit yourself until you can stop. First try and go a day then two and so on and so on. Obviously it will not be easy so try to stop thinking about sex. Distract yourself if you find your mind drifting off.
You know you can do it. The problem here is that you are using sex as a source of happiness. Find a friend who can make you happy or find something else, channel that urge into something else. Dance perhaps? Just throwing ideas out. But you can do this, it is not impossible. Eventually it will pass.
I hope that helps.
I hope that helps.
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