A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my fiancée very much. Last month I went out with some buddies and cheated on my girlfriend with not 1 but 2 girls I met at the bar. I was really drunk and started flirting with a girl thinking it would never amount to anything, next thing I knew we were at a hotel having a 3 sum. I can't even look at my fiancée because I feel so guilty and ashamed at what I did. I know if I tell her she will end our engagement and she would be so hurt. What can I do to get over this guilt???
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female
reader, LIERIN  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Oh yeah .. tell her ... go ahead ... she will never ever trust you again ... you wont be able to go out w guys, she will be even going crazy when u going shopping - calling u nonstop ... or ... she will just leave you ...
Im sure there wont be only yelling, I would think, shell leave you at least for some time .. maybe not for good, but she will leave .. because this is disgusting.
I know everyone keeps telling u to tell her .. and at some point..its probably a good thing to do ... and I know people are like " We wanna know everything" ... but sometimes, there are things YOU DONT WANT TO KNOW!
I broke up w my ex because he cheated on me once .. w only one woman .. and he felt awefull about the whole thing ... I didnt care .. i didnt wanna have anything to do with him. I left him ... we did get back together after a year of not talking or seeing each other ...
Its up to you what you will do, everyone will tell you differently ... you just have to understand .. she might leave and never come back. I dont know her personality, so I cant tell ...
I wish HER luck
A
male
reader, higrob24  +, writes (8 May 2009):
I wouldnt tell her myself.
While its good to be truthful in the main scheme of things.
I dont think telling her, hurting her, just so YOU can feel better about what you did, is the way to go.
If you tell her, she will most likely get very upset and leave you. DO you want either one of those to happen.
You did wrong, the guilt is yours, dont make her feel bad for your mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): I agree with all the others, who wants a life time off guilt and secrets, you have to own up and take the punishment that goes with it.
If someone had went behind your back I am sure you want to know what went on, so treat others as you would like to treated yourself. We all make mistakes but only we can make them right again, better to get it out the way, the longer you live with it the more harm it will do.
The longer you leave it also the worse it will be and seem too her ,confession cleanses the soul and allows you to clear your mind and start fresh without the guilt,you and her deserve to make your minds up without having to live a lifetime wondering if she will find out something and then it will be a lot worse and a lot more hurtfull and better to come from you than someone else.
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (7 May 2009):
 This will be on you mind the whole time if you don't tell her.There will be lots of shouting but if she thinks you are worth it things will settle down but she will never be able to fully trust you again.Don't start married life with a lie.If my boyfriend ever cheated on me i would be angry with him but because i love him i would stay with him. If he did it again... What boyfriend??Good luck.Liviaxoxox
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): i think you should tell her everything. Dont start your marriage with a lie. She would prefer to find out by you then to hear it form the women you cheated on her with or one of your best mates. You were wrong in the first place and you need to buck up your ideas before you decide to get married.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (7 May 2009):
if you are 100% sure that you wont do it again
and i think you should be sure of that !!
then never ever tell her any hint about what you did,
because there is nothing good about telling her,
she well hardly regain trust in you
and maye be shell well not trust you again ever !!,
and it is very possible that shemight use this meaningless honesty against you someday,
so just please BE HONEST NEXT TIME AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOR GOOD !!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): So you cheated on your fiancee eh? Do the decent thing and own up. Give her the chance to at least see if you are worth forgiving, dont take the option away from her. Yes she will be hurt, but if you do not let her decide then what kind of man are you? One that cheats then decides what she can and cannot know?
If you plan on taking the easy way out and duping your fiancee, then remember what you could have lost and dont risk losing her again for emotionless sex with women like that.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (7 May 2009):
YOU SHOULD FEEL GUILTY !!!! YOU ARE GUILTY !!!!! AND YOU BETTER PRAY FOR YOUR FIANCE NOT TO FIND OUT ... cause If that was me ... You would never see me ever again !!!! This is disgusting !!! you did this to her before you marry this woman? How stupid are you ??? How can you even walk, talk and sleep next to this woman now ?? How would you feel if she did this to you???
I am very laied back . but I would never take cheating .. and cheating on her w 2 women? Oh god hell no !!!!!!
And being drunk is NOT AN EXCUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Guilt has one purpose: to motivate you to right your wrong.
Tell her everything. EVERYTHING.
Then let the chips fall where they may.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Tell her. Don't start a marriage with a lie
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Come clean with her and take the consequences, First you need to own up to what you did because it will get out sooner or later. Why don't you start by owning what you did to her before this blows up in your face, because she will eventually find out.
Dude booze is no excuse, thats a lame justification and you know it!
and you did it because you could, Don't even BS us, You are selfish in the extreme,
OF COURSE SHE WOULD BREAK OFF THE ENGAGEMENT AND SHE SHOULD!
You are obviously not worthy of her. Better come clean and let this poor woman choose. She deserves to not go into a marriage which is based on a lie. You have no business ruining an innocent young lady's life because of your actions.
Before you get upset at the answer I'm giving, think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
And you are scared the wedding is gonna be off and that she would be hurt? Should have thought about that before!
I hope you used protection(were you at least that responsible?) in any case let your woman know that just in case she needs to get tested for an STD.
Remember...The cheating was all about YOU and your selfishness. Instead of asking how YOU should get over this guilt, you should be asking" When will I grow up?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Is there any chance that she will find out? Any at all?
If so, then tell her. Better she hear it from you than somebody else.
If there's no chance she will ever know, then I suggest you just keep quiet and never tell her. Dishonest? Yes. But in telling her about the cheating, you're just going to be doing it to soothe your conscience. Make sure you never do it again, and work through this guilt in your own head. If this happens again, then you probably do not deserve her.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (7 May 2009):
 You should feel guilty!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Tell her!! You have no other choice.
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A
female
reader, bex28 +, writes (7 May 2009):
well you have got two options. you can either tell her what happened, or you can keep quiet. firstly did you make sure that you were safe and that you arent gonna pass on any nasty std's to your girl? if you didnt use precautions then you MUST get yourself checked out ASAP because its not just you who has to suffer the consequences of what happened. if you did protect yourslf were you really so drunk?? im not judging you here but you need to look deep iside yourself and ask the question WHY? if you are truly happy and in love why did you cheat? did you enjoy the attention? did you want to feel desired? or was it simply the fact that you had two girls offering it to you on a plate? In order to make sure that it never happens again you have to understand why it happened in the first place. As for the guilt only you can learn to live with that in your own way. there is no short cut to feeling better and forgetting what you did you have to forgive youself first. i think that if you focus on what you fiance means to you and how meaningless the 3 sum was you should be able to get over what happened. hope this helps
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (7 May 2009):
 the only thing to end it. is to tell her. otherwise she might tind out sooner or later from somebody else, which could and will make everything worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): there is nothing much you can do... you need to talk to her, that will be the only way!! if you dont tell her now you will have to live with that the rest of your life and will always feel bad about yourself!!
i suggest you come clean and if she decides to leave you, well you are the one that messed up. If she would have done that to you, how would you feel? how would you react? be honest!
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