A
female
age
36-40,
*ailor Ma
writes:I need some serious opinions. I have been with my husband for 6 years. Rocky for last two years...since we got married. A year into the marriage my husband told me he had a one night stand. He told me a million times it was a mistake and he regretted it and was gonna change. I NEVER saw this coming by the way. Wanting to forget the situation I took him back within 2 months but I later realized I made a huge mistake. My insecurities got te best of me. I found him sexting another female and confronted him then noticed new numbers on phone of girls and then a picture of a female. That's why I left him and we moved out of our house. During our seperation he acted so hurt distraught and in pain. I did the opposite. I acted like a man and had a friends with benifits. No feelings involved. Just sex. I took him back after 3 months of seperation because I saw a huge change and saw the fact that he realized what he took for granted. We are going to therapy and now I find out he was involved wifi a female as well. But unlike me, they would talk for hours and went on a couple of dates and even took pictures together. I don't know if I could stay with him knowing he was emotionally involved with another women 2 months after being seperated. He says I shouldn't worry cuz he chose me and doesn't talk to her but I still feel stupid to stay with him. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): "I don't know if I could stay with him knowing he was emotionally involved with another women 2 months after being seperated."
This should be discussed in your therapy, and worked through. You need time to find the answer to this question, and in time the right answer for you will come. Just keep going through the process for the time being, until the answer comes, and then you know. Its a good idea to go through this process in a therpeutic context.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 October 2012):
 kc100 said it perfectly.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 To be honest I think too much has happened now for you to ever get this marriage back on track. Lets look at what he has done to you:
1. Had a one night stand
2. Claimed to 'regret' said one night stand BUT carries on sexting other women behind your back.
3. Became emotionally involved with another woman while you were seperated
This man has no idea what the word 'regret' means, he cannot love you or respect you if he is able to do any of what he has done. I think he can claim he has changed until he is blue in the face, but a man like this will never truly change. It is all words, and his actions say the complete opposite.
At the end of the day if he was as hurt about your seperation as he claimed, he would not have even been able to look at another woman, let alone forming an emotional attachment to another woman. He moved on almost immediately from you, into what was basically another serious relationship.
I just dont think after someone has hurt you like this so many times, and clearly doesnt have any intentions of changing, that you can rebuild this. You will never be able to trust him again, you now know that he can move on in an instant, so you will always have in the back of your mind that you dont mean much to him and he will just jump into something with another woman as soon as you are out of the picture.
This is your decision at the end of the day, and perhaps you could carry on with therapy to see if you can work through this - but if I were you, I simply would never feel secure in that marriage again knowing what he has done with so many different women.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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