A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I left my husband 5 years ago but we've never gotten divorced. He doesn't want to and I'm in no hurry. I became involved with another man and we've been living together for 4 of those years. I love him but I don't know about our future. He doesn't always treat me that well. He seems okay with things the way they are but sometimes he mentions getting married to me later. I don't want to go back to my husband, but I see no reason to file for divorce (in case I want to go back later). My husband says he'll never want another woman, never plans to marry, and will wait however long it takes for my return,(even if it never happens.) I think I should leave things the way they are I know it's not the "normal" thing to do so it kind of bothers me sometimes, but I don't want to make the wrong decision either. I don't want to be alone. I don't really think I want to divorce my husband (but if he filed I would agree to it.) I don't know if I want to marry the new guy because sometimes he doesn't treat me the way I want to be treated (he snaps at me in front of people; he loses his temper alot; forgets my birthday) so I don't mind being with him for now but marrying later? I don't think so. What do you think about this situation?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Odds are really good that you've made a HUGE legal mistake. We can't know, but odds are good that you and your husband have all kinds of shared legal responsibilities. For example, if he signs up for a credit card, runs up debt, are you legally responsible to pay? What if he looses his job due to illness and runs up a $400,000+ medical bill at the hospital?
You need to take this seriously- and get a divorce. If you don't care, well, just know that one day, you could be screwed. If he's make tons of money and you're counting on inheriting it (many states require the wife to SIGN a document to waive being the beneficiary on things like life insurance), or letting him continue to fund his 401K, or his social security... then you motives are questionable.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 The man you are now living with is only taking advantage of you, a nice and convenient arrangement without any legal entanglements.
He has no intentions of committing in this relationship.When he gets tired of you, he will leave for some younger woman.
What then ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): You should go back to your husband. The guy you are with is no good for you (you are not exactly happy) and yet you don't mention the idea of living on your own without a man at all. So... what would be wrong with going back to your husband? Why did you leave him in the first place? Think this through. I think you are maintaining this position of 'power' because you can and it is the sense of security you crave. However what you cannot see is that to make a proper commitment to someone is the key to your happiness.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 February 2010):
You'd do better to divorce your husband and stop seeing this guy. You seem to need these men to feel safe, little realizing you need neither man in your life. You'd do much better to spend your time on yourself. The second guy is second best as well, so don't bother with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Dear lady,
My feeling is that you are the culprit in the situation. you are trying to have 2 men in your life. you are better judge of your life. you had one husband, who is still waiting for you and he says he will wait for life long, ( i would love to get that committed husband ). Another guy you do not like. I feel you are the problem, not any one else. Try to be reasonable and think, you are spoiling so many lives including yours. When you will have kids, when you will raise them? when you will see them grow up and have a family of you own? do not waste time, get back to your respected hubby, plan the future jointly.
sarah
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 February 2010):
You have freedom to do whatever you want and meet any man you like.
You could be experiencing your new found freedom and enjoying it but will you find contentment and fulfillment in your new life?
You may drift in and out of relationships but someday you may have remorse and will long for the separated spouse.It may or may not happen. There is a possibility.
If it is your destiny, you will rejoin him otherwise, you will continue to wander in your journey of life.
Since you have not divorced , you could go back to him theoretically but people can change and what was said in the past may not apply in the present or future.
Those words were not cast in stones. He could meet someone and start a new relationship. Or even though he maybe still single , he may decide to change his mind .
You hope this does not materialize or you will be left in the cold.
When something is absent, it makes the heart grows fonder and you will come to realize and appreciate a thing when it is no more.
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