A
female
age
41-50,
*S2012
writes:Currently separated, heading for divorce. Have a two year old. No formal custody arrangement, we've been able to try to communicate and work out visits with his Dad corresponding with best interests of child.I've been very open to child spending time with Father. Right now, we have an informal arrangement of every other weekend. Father has been claiming he is "sick" almost every time it's his weekend to spend with child. He was almost never really sick in the whole 8 years I've known him.I feel angry, like I'm being taken advantage of, and I feel sorry for my child. The hatred I have toward his Father is building. Is there anything I can do?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (17 February 2013):
 First accept my sympathies for what you are going through. This is a very trying time in your life and it can be very stressful -- especially working with a husband who seems to want to cut all ties to you and his child.
Secondly, your husband is probably enjoying single life -- hence his sudden weekend sicknesses. I also realize he is also making it difficult for you to plan your weekends. I imagine this is a game he is playing to keep you from dating and meeting other people, which is probably what he is doing.
This is coming at the cost of his relationship with his child. The next time he does play this game tell him that his child misses him and remind him that his child will only be young once. Hopefully it will make think twice before brushing off his progeny.
Finally, you may have to accept his behavior. Now that the divorce is looming, he may just want to pay his child support and be done with it. He doesn't "have" to take the child and nor should you force the child to go to him. Imagine how the child will feel to know that he is dad really doesn't want him and that mommy needs a break and you just hand him over. Children aren't dumb and they pick up on such things...
Not matter what, keep your child's best interests in mind. Your child SHOULD NEVER feel like a burden or inconvenience by either party. As scary as it may sound, you may have to be the loving, nurturing parent. And there isn't much you can do to change that other than accept it as reality.
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): Divorcing is always an anxious time and your sons father needs to realise that this is not a honeymoon period for you either. That your caring for your son 24/7 and all your asking is him taking his son every fortnight so that they can continue to have the bond of a father and son relationship. However you must stress to him, that having a cold or being ill does not stop,you being a mamma or him a father, he needs to,grow up some and yes this is not a fab time for everyone involved but the priority here at this minute isn't how you both feel, but keeping some normality for your son. He cannot keep disappointing his baby, it is not fair.How do you get on with his folks, your sons gran and granda, if you do take your son to see them and explain the situation very delicately and say your child needs his family at the minute. Your son didn't ask for this divorce and I'm sure you nor your ex to be really wanted to be at this crossroads but he needs to realise that your son needs to feel important loved cherished and supported your doing your bit. So your husband has to be the man and bite the bullet and step up to the mark. Unless he's dying or his arms and legs have fallen of, then I'm sorry being ill is no excuse. As parents we have to simile even when we are ill and take care of our kids. Tell him that was the last time you will expect him to make time for him when arranged, he doesn't want to alliate his son he needs to be there and not emotional hurt him. If he continues to make excuses I would for the interim not make arrangement and take your son to his grans etc as he needs as much family love he can get . He already has a fab mum.You keep steady. God bless you and your family . Take care and keep us posted. Lou x
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 HI
Sounds exactly like me and my ex husband. his doing the same with my 3, the best thing to do is let him get on with it, because when your son is older he will know who was there for him and his father is the one who is missing out. just make sure that when he does decide to come and see your son that it is convenient for YOU, if not tell him to arrange it before hand in the future. don't get angry and wind yourself up because all your doing is making yourself ill with the stress. Take your son out to fun places, let him know that daddy loves him his just busy, because if you start talking bad about daddy he will resent you. stay strong you CAN do this, let him do the mistakes he will regret it soon enough.
Mandy x
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