A
male
age
30-35,
*oshua.james
writes:OK ive submitted many questions and appreciate all the advice. Now i just want to tell the whole story from start to finish and see what you think i should do. i'll do my best to be unbiased and tell the whole story and not just my side. ok I married who i thought was the woman of my dreams on january 22nd of this year. she was fun loving and beautiful. I told her everything including me getting molested for five years by my uncle. she was the first person i ever told. immediately following our marriage the sex life diminished rapidly. within a month we went from every other day to once every five days and then it moved on to ten. I have a very high sex drive so naturally this was very difficult for me, and every time i would try and talk to her about it she would become angry and shut me out completely. She told me i was smothering her and she just wasnt a very affectionate person. and past that nothing. i cant bottle things in so i started talking to my best friend about it. well five weeks ago we had a party at my house and bri (wife) was in the house. i was outside with my friend and his wife and i was talking with them about it. I was heavily intoxicated so i was probably being loud. Bri overheard me so she came outside and started trying to argue with me. I tried to avoid it by walking inside. she followed me and started screaming at me and told me she was molested as a child and thats why she was so distant. meanwhile our friends are standing right there. i dont remember how but my story about my uncle got brought up. combined with me being drunk i snapped. I grabbed her by the face and pushed her away from me. Believe me when i tell you this. i absolutely hate myself for doing this and have admitted numerous times that i am completely wrong for doing this. I have a firm belief that any man who could lay his hands on a woman isn't a man. so you can imagine how i feel about myself. She left for a few days and i immediately started going to a therapist to deal with my past and my anger. I also completely quit drinking. I am doing everything possible to ensure this never happens again. she came home in a few days and i could tell she was scared of me. so i gave her her space and did everything from leave her love letters to bringing her flowers. I accepted it would take a while for her to be affectionate much less intimate. One week turned into two then three then a month with no affection or intimacy. she refused to go to marriage counseling with me and constantly says things that crush me. for example if i sit on the same couch as her she asks why im so close. Any time we disagree about anything she reminds me of how much she doesn't trust me. if i try to kiss her goodnight she turns away from me. and she constantly throws what i did up in my face. oh by the way she says i slapped her then slammed her head into the wall. I know i didn't do this because i have two witnesses, there was no marks on her and my wall doesn't even have a dent. but thats besides the point. She turned twenty one on the 22nd of this month. she was out till midnight the night before so she could order a drink. she went to the bar the following day till three in the morning. I had to come pick her up at her friends house at 3 because she was to drunk to drive even though i had to be up at 5:30 to go to work. then again on the following night till 3 in the morning. thursday she stayed home but it was the same old distant bri. and by the way i have expressed to her multiple times that im very uncomfortable with her going to the bar without me and i have to be at work every day from 6:30 am till 5:00 pm so i cant go. Friday she wanted to go out but we were flat broke because she spent all of my money throughout the week. and i don't want to go to a bar because it will tempt me to drink anyway. when i told her no she got mad said she was going anyway and spent our last few dollars leaving me with nothing to get me through till the next paycheck. when she got home i was already in bed. i leaned over to give her a kiss and she turned away and told me she wont kiss someone she doesn't trust. the following day when she got up i asked her if she thought a separation would help. she immediately said yes and left. while she was gone i packed her stuff and had it waiting for her to pick up. I took her bank cards that are attached to my account, and told her i would continue paying for her car, cell phone, and give her enough cash for groceries and gas. she is currently staying with a friend. after cooling off i gave her her cards back in case she has an emergency. I have asked her numerous times to come back and she always says no. the only time she contacts me is for money. I just want to know what i should do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): Just do what you think is good for you, i am been having time apart from my wife its been 6 weeks people say 6 weeks is not alot ..... trust me it is....... we were together for 11yrs, .... 11yrs that i screwed up but i am contining to fight, i am a heavy online gamer, my PC was my wife and my wife was nothing she took behind me, and just said its getting better everytime, i didnt have sex with her for 4yrs cause i was to sleepy after playing mmo online, i was overweight and couldnt save and i had poor upkept...... 6 weeks now i was 128kgs with 32% body fat, now i am 87.6kgs with 17% bodyfat, i am toned and buff with abs showing, i can save and i have bright white teeth.... i have done alot in 6 weeks, and im really to recommit to my wife what she gave me 11yrs......!! just fight for what you beilive in.... listening to others is good for a understanding but everyone is different! if you really love her you'll do anything but if she said no away .. she just have the NEGS still inside her.. some time parts can take years.... as long you are making contact you'll be fine!
A
male
reader, joshua.james +, writes (2 April 2011):
joshua.james is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni appreciate your honesty and i plan on taking your advice. ive never loved someone this much so i dont know that i can refuse her if she tries to come back, but ill try. I really hate that it is ending like this but i cant handle crying every night much longer. thank you for the input i really appreciate it
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A
female
reader, kalynda19 +, writes (2 April 2011):
After reading everything that I have to suggest that the separation was a good move. The next step would be to move on and go your separate ways. Sometimes we love someone but they can bring out the worst in us and once you realize it then you have to move on. Continue with counseling it will help you sort through everything you have gone through and in the long run it will make you a better and stronger person. Once you have healed yourself then thats when you start to look for the right person. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 What you should do, you have already done. Separate. Some people just were not meant for each other. She made up her mind a long time ago and you are just going to have to move on. Sort out all the finances and find someone else because this relationship, from what I have just read, is something that started slowly dying a long time ago. Put it to rest and move on.
I hope that helps.
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