A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Separated from husband a couple of years ago, we'd been drifting apart for many years, doing separate things, different hobbies, different friends, it got to the point where I didn't know why we were together. We talked about the problems in our marrage; we tried counseling, it just felt like somehow I outgrew him but my husband didn't want to give up on our marriage. I have not felt sexually attracted to him for several years and I finally had the courage to tell him that I did not see it working out between us. I moved out and we separated for 2 years. He kept acting like I was going to come home. I encouraged him to find friends, hobbies and start rebuilding his life without me. He did not. Now I have filed for divorce and he's a basket case, crying and carrying on like he's hearing about this for the first time. I thought he would be in a different place by now. Am I missing something? If he would've been the one who left, I would've mourned the marriage for the first year and waited to see if he'd have a change of heart, but then I would've started doing positive things to move on. Am I being unreasonable to think a normal person would've adjusted to the idea that our marrage was over, or am I just incapable of loving someone as much as he loves me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): Hiya i had the same trouble with my ex. He knew the way the marriage was heading, did nothing to help me rescue it....then wow! It was all news and drama to him when it ended! The best thing is to stop trying to organise life for him and let him stand on his own 2 feet! Hes old enough to find his own friends if he wants some. It sounds harsh but if you want a separate life you have to let him make his own life without you now or he will see youre `help` as a way of keeping you in the picture. This could give him false hope, so it really is time to go if you dont want him anymore. Hes had 2 years to get used to the idea you arent going home again and it sounds as if youve been reasonable, maybe a bit too reasonable. Staying with him because its what he wants wouldnt work and he has to get over the fact you need a different life now. After my ex calmed down and we talked, it wasnt love for me that had made him so dramatic, it was the loss of security, of having someone familiar around...and the loss of clean shirts! Hes fine now hes learnt to look after himself properly. Id advise against getting too hung up on how much he loves you and move on if thats what you really want to do and allow him to do the same x
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