A
female
age
41-50,
Jay_Jacks
writes:We all have depressing and down right crappy days, weeks, months hell even years. Why is it that as women we try to punish ourselves just a little bit more?Ever found yourself feeling so down that you've hit the bottle or closed yourself off from the world for a reasonable amount of time. I call them duvet days. Stay in bed, watch DVD's and not speak to anyone. When I'm down in the dumps I look for ways (subconsciously) to hurt myself a little more. Text that ex, look at the internet history to see if my very monogamous husband is cheating on me, send a very unreasonable email to my sister.. whatever, but some way of making myself more miserable somehow makes it better.But does it really?No. It just makes me feel worse. Speaking to my circle of girlfriends at one of our girly nights (strictly NO men, I recommend every group of women do this once a month by the way) made me think a little more about this kind of self abuse.Why do we search for our self destruct button when there are plenty of people out there who are ever ready to press it for us?
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male
reader, Butterbur +, writes (13 June 2010):
I can totally agree with all that has been said on here, i am a person who is dealing with similar problems. I have an amazing girlfriend and really good friends but it seems like every time i drink my subconscious purposely wants me to destroy my relationship and push people away. Yet i think about and ask myself why am i doing this. I know the easier answer is stop drinking or dont drink as much but i feel like its more than that i do things like punish myself for no reason and get in a spiral of anger and hate for no reason i just want to be happy. It makes me feel like i have a chemical imbalance or my wires are crossed upstairs. I decided to sign up here and talk to people with similar feelings maybe someone can help with what I have said as I really am at the last straw im starting to hate myself. If i saw myself i wouldn't like me either
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): I used to do this too. It got so bad I had to go to therapy. Now that I am on an antidepressant, I no longer do this. As much as I did not want to be on an "everyday" medication, it has worked wonders.
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A
female
reader, Jay_Jacks +, writes (30 November 2009):
Jay_Jacks is verified as being by the original poster of the question I really believe that when we slip into situations like this we fall into the 'things HAVE to get worse before they will get better'. Maybe it's a subconscious way of us trying to fast track a bad time into a better time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): I agree 100% sometimes I feel so bad I just sit in my room alone doing nothing. And what I do to try to make it better is think about sad things, listen to sad music. When I feel like this I think negative of everything.
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A
female
reader, Kristena  +, writes (28 November 2009):
Yes it must be a women thing!!! I have been doing this for the past 2 days. I got bad news so I had a whole day of staying in my pjs and not even going out of the house crying. Then I guess I had to make things worse for myself!! Even though my boyfriend had nothing to do with the bad news I guess I didn't want to get hurt by him in the future so I thought I should just push him away by being a crazy insecure girlfriend and accsuing him of seeing someone else. This is Me! When I start getting close to someone I try to push them away before they can hurt me so I self destruct and ruin the relationship!!! Gotta love having so many shitty relationships that I no longer trust any Men!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Wow!! As a Man I can also relate to this. Believe it or not we Men also do the very same things.
Why do you think we get drunk and get into fights? Simply because physical pain is easier to deal with then emotional pain.
A girls only night out is a wonderful idea, but you should do it once a week. Youve unlocked 2 of mens secrets by the way. We go down the pub to drink and talk abiout sport with the guys. No one mentions their personal life in any way. Its an escape.
It is a great shame that women havent developed something like this for themselves
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A
female
reader, lovehurts88 +, writes (26 November 2009):
You are so right! I am the worst for this, as I think many of us are.. I think certain personalities or personality traits make some of us more prone to do this.. self-destruct, wallow in our own misery, etc.
When I'm feeling down, often, rather than try to pull myself out of it, I just feed it and make it worse.. have a duvet day, read texts form and ex that should have been deleted, look at old photos that should have been burnt or hidden, listen to depressive songs, fantasise about things that i can't have, spend all day indoors not seeing anyone.
I don't know why!!!
What we should be doing is getting out there, seeing friends, going to the gym, having a hobby, things that take our mind off things.. energy breeds energy!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): I think you are so right! We do all have a self destruct button. Why do we insist on presing it? I think the answer to that could be complex, and vary from individual to individual.
I too get very self destructive at times. Why do I do it? For me, I think it is a self-protection thing. There really are so many people out there ready, able and willing to bring us down. I guess when I go all self destructive, it makes me feel sort of stronger. Like, "Hey! You can't hurt me now, because I'm doing it myself!" I know that is illogical, but that's how it is for me.
Perhaps we all secretly fear happiness a little? It is sort of comforting to be down. Familiar. And when you reach rock bottom, at least you know you can't go any lower. But happiness, that can be a scary thing. It could be snatched away at any time. It could all come crashing down. And there will be a very long way down to fall...so why risk it? Why not just stay down?
Those are just some of my thoughts on the topic. I know I always say that happiness comes from within, and I do believe that. But it is so, so hard, as I'm sure we all know. But maybe we need to start being brave, do the scary thing, and stop with the self destruction!
Thank you for this article, your words have really got me thinking... xxx
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