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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I just got into a relationship with a bloke I met on the internet. We've met about 5 times but chat every day either on the PC or the phone. I really like him, but am getting mixed signals from him. He says he wants to try and make a go of it, but then when we do meet I feel all he wants is sex, as he gets up early the next morning. And then has no time apparently to meet until the following weekend. I've been talking to this guy for about 2 months and don't know if to continue this relationship or not.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (1 August 2005):
I think you know the answer to this- he is just using you for sex, end the 'relationship' now before you become even more used by this man.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 July 2005):
 Unless there's something in your interaction with him that's not in your letter, the only Relationship that you have with this guy is a sexual one.
I don't see where you're getting "mixed signals" from him at all. You meet, you have sex, you go your separate ways until next time. It seems pretty straightforward, actually. I submit that your bloke doesn't think there's anything mixed about his signals. What's complicating the issue is that you'd probably *like* there to be more than just sex there, so maybe you're trying to read more into his chats and phone calls than there is.
From my outside perspective, it looks like your guy sees you as a pleasant and willing sexual partner and that he chats and talks to you in between romps to stay in your good books and to keep in touch. What I don't see is any indication of love or commitment or of a developing future.
Now, if you're happy with what you have, it's not my place to be judgemental about it. I'd say: Go, Enjoy! But if you thought that you're 'dating' or having 'a relationship' with this man, I think you'd be deluding yourself. You're giving him no more or less than exactly what he wants from you: Sex.
If you're not happy with that, you can speak to him and tell him that you don't feel right about having sex where there's no other emotion and see what his reaction is. In fact, I think you owe yourself saying that to him. Just try not to set your sights too high for the future, since I'm guessing that your internet guy is really happy with the way things are going now, and won't want to change.
Sorry, dear. I calls 'em as I sees 'em.
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