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male
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*ggshell
writes: Hi - I broke up with my girlfriend of a year or so about 4 or 5 months ago. Some aspects of the relationship were great, eg the physical side, we had lots of fun etc, and we loved/cared for each other, but too many other important things were missing from the relationship.Anyway, after not contacting for a while, we're back in touch and we seem to be emailing/texting quite a lot. We've met up twice recently and it's been great, all the good points of the relationship without the bad. We've had sex and had a good time. It's been hard when we've left each other again, for a day or so, but we both know and accept that having a relationship again would be unwise as the same problems would come up.I've started going on a few dates again. My question is, is it wrong to want to see my ex in the meantime? We are good friends and it feels comfortable mostly and she enjoys it too. She isn't looking for anyone new, but we both know if someone finds someone new we'll have to reduce contact. Will seeing my ex in this manner in the meantime, hinder my chances with a new girl. Will it affect my new relationship if I've been seeing my ex a lot in the recent past?This might be a hard question to answer, but I just feel a little bit confused, and that I might be doing some harm to myself in some way!!! Thanks.
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female
reader, dlphnlvr +, writes (2 August 2005):
Most of the time when ex's have sex there is an alterior motive from one of them and therefor giving the other a sense of false hope. I have kinda been in a simalar situation and I'll tell you feelings were hurt. Of course you have feelings for her but why have sex with her if you have no intent in getting back together with her. Sex is amazing but there are also feelings involved when you have it with someone you truely know. You have to be strong and stop the sex with her. I am sure if you just want amazing sex you can find someone else to give that to you. Someone is bound to get hurt if you keep this up. If she means alot to you just be friends with her. It will be hard at the begining but in the long run it will pay off. If you just have a friendship with her, when another girlfriend enters the picture it wont ruin anything, because you will still be FRIENDS.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2005): Hi Eggshell
ive seen this happen quite alot, its even happened with myself. One thing you have to be careful with is to make sure that this is just a sex thing.
What Ive experienced, is that you say its just for fun, but somehow you find yourself getting emotionally attached to the person, and you have to be careful that she isnt getting emotionally attached, because it will rear its ugly head when you decide to start seeing someone else seriously.
Some might say that this is dangerous ground to tread,but if youre both happy with it thats fine. its just that some might be a little hurt when you find someone else.
You start to feel abit 'used' instead of it being, i dunno, amicable. or maybe that was just my experience.
Anyhow, if either of you do start a relationship, then you have to be straight that you can no longer sleep together and you must minimise contact; just be friends and thats all.
This is my opinion, you dont have to take on my advice :-)
best wishes
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