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female
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anonymous
writes: I am sort of seeing this guy at the moment who has been married and has three kids. I would like to see more of him and get to know his kids better. Do you see this getting serious or just a fling?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): I am not judging you. It is very simple to treat others the way you want to be treated. If you get married in the futer you wouldn't want another woman to do this to you. There are to many straight single men that you can deal with. Stop having low self esteem and get your own man. Women should unite and stop hurting each other. Married men couldn't cheat if women would say no. Some married men persue other women. But you have women that pursue married men just because they are married. You don't relize want you are do will come back to you. One day you might want a man of your own. You find him fall in love and he starts having and affair on you. When two people get married it is suppose to be to death do them part. Through sickness and in health. For better are for worse. Husband is suppose to communicate with his wife and vice versa and work on whatever problems they are having in there relationship. Not go and have a affair with another women. He betrayed the agreement and it will come back to him too in some shape or form. What I don't understand if you are not willing to stick it out and find your way back to happiness with your mate. Than why did you get married.You should of just stayed single. Instead of hurting another person or others if their are children involved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): "I would like to... get to know his kids better."
Exactly as what do you think he will introduce you to his children as? The woman I'm cheating with your Mommy on?
Please have some have respect for him, his children, and yourself, and end this relationship NOW.
You are a married man's fling, and if you wait for this loser, you will end up a married's man fling.
Best of luck.
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female
reader, artemis  +, writes (14 January 2009):
Hello... I am a married woman... and am seeing a married man for the last couple of months. We are both in the same situation in our marriages. Both of us have been married for about 14 years and both of us have three children .. almost identical in ages. He is in the military but from another european country to me and is only in this country for the next two years. I love his company .. sitting and listening to him .. i love the affection and the romance that i once shared with my husband that i no longer feel towards my husband. I stay with my husband because of the lifestyle i would lose and because the devastating effect the break up would have on my children. My boyfriend stays with his wife for exactly the same reasons. We relate to each other. I am afraid of falling in love with him .. but, feel myself having enormous affection for him.. i even dream about him in my sleep. I know that he misses the sexual part of his marriage .. he says his wife isnt that sexual and she hates being touched and there is no foreplay... i dont really feel like touching my husband... i resent his advances ... i dont want him near me...but just for a quiet life i do give him the sex he wants but first i make sure i have had a few drinks. This other man makes me feel young again i have all that desire switched back on with him .. but we havent slept together yet. I say yet, i am not sure i will... but, i know that he wants to... i have been reading all these other replies... about his wife and his children .. and if we are caught then its me ... my husband and my children too that are going to be hurt and i dont want anyone to be hurt. But, i dont want to be in a loveless life ... i want to love, romance and i really dont feel like it can just be switched back on with me and my husband. My problem though with my new man is that he has said that we have no future together... although i know that he sympathises with my situation going as far as to say that, given the circumstances he thinks i should leave my husband (my husband is a drunk, he has attempted to strangle me twice .. and force himself on me esp when he is drunk. I live in fear of him .. he says that if i leave him he will kill himself ). What do i feel about this new man ... i feel like i could easily fall in love with him .. but, he is married also, and he says that men dont fall in love like women do.. he says that it is different for men.. more tied up with the physical... so i know he hasnt fallen in love with me.. he says he thinks that i am lovely.. that he likes being with me.. that he wants to sleep with me.. that i have a good body... that he wants to touch me.. be alone with me.. I want love... he wants something different... he wants whats missing in his life ... in his near perfect life... like someone else said .. he has everything bar what he is out on the prowl looking for...he wants sex and it is easy for him to just take it without the emotions getting tied up into it.... whereas .. i am not !! oh what a mess !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): I just ended a relationship with a married man after 26 months. When it was good...it was GREAT. When it was bad, it was so emotionally unhealthy and I'm paying the emotional price now. He built me up passionately, and let me down when it came to leaving his wife....and she's in another country. I'm 47. Should have known better! My advise.....Feel "worthy" of not living with some other woman's "leftovers." Find a man who is in a position NOW to grow in a relationship with you and only you. Life is too short to BE second choice...even though he may make you "feel" like first choice "sometimes." The more of yourself you invest in this man, the more you may loose....
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): I just ended a relationship with a married man after 26 months. When it was good...it was GREAT. When it was bad, it was so emotionally unhealthy and I'm paying the emotional price now. He built me up passionately, and let me down when it came to leaving his wife....and she's in another country. I'm 47. Should have known better! My advise.....Feel "worthy" of not living with some other woman's "leftovers." Find a man who is in a position NOW to grow in a relationship with you and only you. Life is too short to BE second choice...even though he may make you "feel" like first choice "sometimes." The more of yourself you invest in this man, the more you may loose....
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female
reader, jessicausf23  +, writes (25 June 2008):
Trust me, having been in this situation from all different sides, it hurts like hell to have YOUR fiancee of 4 years leave you for another woman. It hurts like hell to know the married guy your cheating with "hopes your not falling in love because he isn't". And it hurts when you sit back and realize five years down the line after something is over that "man, I almost broke up a family" would I really want that done to me? Having children of my own, don't involve the kids. Not at all. Not until he leaves his wife.. because all it takes is one little slip up for a child to say that he or she saw you.. and it's all over. I know I flipped out on my ex when I found out he took my son to meet his new girlfriend even before we broke up. And yes, I beat the s&$t out of her when I caught them sleeping together too. So just remember "if" you get caught, you have to deal with losing the man YOU love, a woman going postal on your a$$, and a couple kids that just don't understand and suffer in the long run..
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Honey, WAKE UP!!.... Hes looking for a void, and this is not something you should fill. Please do yourself a favor, and step away before emotions get involved, and you can't walk away. Let someone else be his problem, not yours. He has children, a wife, a family, and a life without you! Walk away with your chin held high, a smile on your face, and a great feeling of yourself knowing you did the right thing and avoided a huge mess!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): What if you and the married man are just friends with benefits and he conversations are excellent along with the sex. You both understand and agree with the terms but still you cant help bet getting catchy feelings even though you know and accept the fact that you / him will have to deal with that (yet he is constantly encouraging or pushing you to tell him how you really feel). He says his marriage has problems but he is willing to work it out and I alway encourage him to do so dispite my feelings....what if it doesn't work out between them do you think a relationship will be possible? he has 1 kid before his wife and another with her...they have been married for 3 yrs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): i have been seeing a married man for 16 months this time round we were together at the age of 15 and have got together every now and then over the last 25 years.he has been married for 12 years and i have been with him on and of for all that time ,it was always casual until last year when we spent a lot of time together and fell in love .i asked him to leave and he considered it but would not split up the family as he came from a broken home and suffered badly from it,i could not break it up although i do try reguarily and always go back.i do at times get very upset and say nasty things to him and i know i hurt him its almost a sort of satisfaction .i hate how i feel and hate what i am like .
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Getting to know his kids would only hurt them since you're the one shacking up with their dad and breaking up their home life that once was. His kids dont want anything to do with you. Get a life of your own and see someone single. Get a grip with your self-esteem its low if your seeking out a married man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I agree. It DOES take two in a marriage for it to fail or be successful. What I don't understand is if after many years of what may have very well been a very successful and rewarding marriage/relationship, and it seems to have slowly fallen to the wayside, why do the parties involved remain together when they're both unhappy? If for one reason or another the woman/wife loses interest in intimacy with her husband and he remains by her side, doing without for a number of years, when is enough enough? I mean sure, he may still love her and enjoy her companionship but let's face it. When a man or woman is deprived of being pleasured by their spouse for long periods of time, they become no longer interested in their spouse intimately. I know from past experience. You become hurt and angry. Resentful, unwanted and after awhile your eyes begin to wander. It's human nature. But something that really confuses me is that a person will tend to remain with their spouse even though they no longer desire them. I can only assume that they are comfortable with the living situation and fear the " unknown."
And what's even worse is when the woman catches her husband cheating not once but twice and still remains with him. Even when there are no children in the picture. I don't understand that at all. Why would a woman want to stay with a man whom she's caught twice being unfaithful? What makes a woman accept this behavior? I know I wouldn't. And the husband who swears that he loves his wife and doesn't want to hurt her yet he continues in the affair even after being caught and telling her that he's ended the other relationship. What about that?
What about when the wife confronts her husband and asks him directly if his affair is more than just sex and he replies that he has feelings for the other woman? Yet the wife still remains with him after asking him to never do this again to her. What about that?
What about the other woman who already knew that he was married and did NOT intend to have an on going relationship and fall in love with him? What about the many phone conversations day and evening everyday between the husband and his lover? The way he complains over and over of how his wife annoys him often. The way the husband and the other woman look into each others eyes with love and happiness. And the husband admits to the other woman that his happiest times are spent with her. What about that?
The many days and nights that the husband sits in his office at his home pining away for the other woman. Missing her. Wanting to be with her. Wondering what she's doing. What about that?
What about the wife knowing that she still doesn't offer pleasure to her husband as often as she should because she's older than him and not as sexual. What about that? Can she be that unaware that if she isn't taking care of her man that he's going to continue looking elsewhere? Is she thinking clearly? I think not.
If a woman is in a relationship or married to a man and she clearly knows that he isn't as happy being with her as he once was, why then would she want to stay with him? Insecurity? Low self esteem?
I find this all quite interesting but confusing as all get out......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): I am enjoying reading some of these posts. I particularly like the one about what the married man will think of his affair if he leaves his wife. Will he indeed have a lack of respect for the woman for dating a married man? Really good question.
However, with that said, it takes two in a marriage for the marriage to fail !
But in defense of the married man, what if the marriage is simply a duty, a promise made before God and a commitment to children and no longer a love affair? What if his wife is not interested in intimacy with him. And vice versa. What if the man is never home due to his career, I mean literally gone 90% of the year. What if the man is honest up front with the woman in the unplanned affair and they agree that if they fall for each other, they must part.
What if the chemistry between them is not only physical but becomes a strong emotional bond that has become a friendship that is precious. I'm talking about a friendship that is so strong and beautiful, that if the affair wasn't a factor, the friendship would also include his wife.
What if the woman having the affair is divorced after many years of marriage due to circumstances you would not believe, and never sought an affair with a married man as that was one of the minor reasons her own marriage ended. What if the woman helps him with marriage advice and the man helps her maintain a friendship with her ex. What if the woman is not interested in seeking a man in a serious relationship at this point in her life. What if the last thing either the married man or the divorced woman wanted, was an affair. What if the chemistry and the friendship between them has grown so strong that they withhold the deep emotional affection out of respect for his wife.
What if this goes on for a few years and they continue to try to respect his wife by not holding hands and trying to live their own lives and only seeing each other a few times a year, but remain in communication almost daily.
What if recently, he took her hand.
What if now they can't resist holding hands. What if the woman has fallen so in love with him that she's starting to feel the obligation to tell him. What if he is not honest with himself and despite his commitment to his marriage and children (as shaky as that relationship may be), he is afraid to admit that he is in love with her too. Does a married man in this situation have the right to know that the woman he's having an affair with loves him more than anything in this world?
Most will tell her to leave him. What if she tells him she has to leave him because she has fallen in love with him. Why do we always have to leave what we love? What if he loves her the same way. What if she fears telling him because he may leave her because he doesn't want to hurt her too. What if he admits what he is doing is wrong but is so confused he can't change anything.
What if he's not leaving his family because he would also be leaving the homestead and everything he's worked for, for years. Things that would be almost impossible to rebuild this late in life, even if the affair blossomed into a new marriage. They may sound like they're just "things" but what if they are his passions and his dreams that can't be rebuilt because they take years. What if the woman in the affair does not want his family hurt either and does not want him to lose everything he has. What if they HAVE fallen for each other and are now affraid to honor their own agreement to end it if that happens, because they can't bear to part. What if he admits he's already broken one promise to God and to his wife by having the affair but doesn't want to break another by admitting he's fallen in love elsewhere and end the marriage. What if it's the principle of the lifetime commitment that he wants to hold on to despite his own unhappiness. What if he places his own happiness last because of how much he cares for all the others in his life.
But those are not my questions.
You see, an affair later in life is much more complicated than when we are young, and the cliches such as "his cake and eat it too" and "he'll do it to you too" do not always apply. Please be careful judging people when the story runs deeper than you may see. This story runs way deeper and most of it cannot be put here.
My questions are these: what if two people love each other more than anything and cannot be together because of promises made to others? Should they maintain hope? And, should they admit to each other how they feel about each other, out of respect for themselves? When somebody loves you that much, do you have a right to be told? And are you obligated to tell them regardless of the risk? And if they should admit their feelings, what if only one is able to bring themselves to do it?
Sometimes an affair is not a married person unable to resist lust, or someone seeking gratification outside the marriage. Sometimes, it just might be that two people met and fell in love. Even if you end the affair to avoid hurting anyone involved, you can never end the love. Somebody please tell me how you do that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I know what you mean, its hurting way too much, the past two years have all been lies and it is only now i realised.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): it hurts too much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): he is only using you probably for sex dump him asap, excuse , i cant go on knowing you are seeing two of us. if he carries on ringing ,texting ,e.mailing you get a restraining order. please see sence dump the low life now remember hes cheating on his wife now whats to say he might cheat on you later?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): My dear friends, for those who are seeing a "married man" STOP now, or figure a way to end it! All of you are worth more than a fling at the side or better than coming "second choice" in a married man's life. You may seem to be just a choice for the married man's need. He will not leave his wife or kids no matter what he tells you such as "he is unhappy with his marriage" and miserable. Please take a moment and get out of this mess. When you do, keep yourself busy with a goal or hobby so that you do not feel much pain. Ladies, all of you should "honor yourselves" and not stoop to a low level as what men really say "you are a hand-me-down."
It just get's worse when you are too attached to a married man, but check this out: When a married man leaves his wife, he will not treat you the same as when he saw you during his marriage. You see, the "excitement of cheating on his wife" (weather if his marriage is good or bad) is over and lord and behold, "he will actually question your character" because you had an affair with him while he was married. That is the honest truthe and this happens. It changes and there is no trust.
There are good men out there who are FREE and honest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): I know how you feel im seeing a married man to. he keeps saying he is going to leave his wife but its hard because he has a daughter which i understand. He said he loves me and i have fallen in love with him. But i dont know if i realy belives all he saids to me. I want to but there is doubt at the back of my nind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): I've been with a married man for nearly two years. In that space his wife has found out a couple of times, and I received so much abuse and harassment. Whenever a sign of me showes up in his life - an email, a text, she harasses me like crazy. He lets it happen, says it's for the best, for our future. He has never been there for me when I need him. Worst was when I got pregnant and was left with no option but an abortion. He tells me several times he wants me not her, he loves me, etc etc, and hes had several chances to leave her, but he never has. Problem is I am so in love with him that I can bear ending it. Darling, don't make the same mistake I made, you're either a fling, or will always be his second best. Don't put yourself through the pain I have been through, and I am only 19.
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reader, MinxLegs +, writes (27 April 2007):
 I have been seeing a married man for over a year, I was fooled into thinking he was seperated and would be leaving his wife. Now this far into the relationship I am totally head over heels in love with him, but now know he will never leave his poor wife. I would love to end it but just can't bring myself to do it, i keep telling myself that the few hours we spend together will be enough and live in hope that one day we will be together. I know it will never happen and am left feeling worthless and used and I have no self esteem. While I am with him I will never meet anyone else and while I am sat alone night after night he is living his full life with his wife and family. Please don't fall into the same trap, you are worth so much more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): Don't have an affair with a married man, as he may resent you afterwards due to guilt. Plus, if his marriage breaks down because of your affair, you will feel awful at destroying his marriage and disrupting the home environment for his childrne. Please don't do this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): enjoy it while you can...just know you will never be anything more than you are now...a piece on the side...either accept it...or move along!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): Honey... get out while you can. They will tell you anything. I am in the same situation as you. He is married with three kids. I fell in love with him and can't seem to let him go. He just recently quit his job, so now we barely talk since he is home all the time. And it's horrible.
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reader, dineen +, writes (27 November 2005):
I have been seeing a married man for about a month and he is in the military, he tell me that he loves me, but when we first got together he told me that is was not married. I feel like a fool, because when I found out he was I still stay with him, he told her in front of me that he does not want her anymore and that he loves me so much. He is moving me from texas to washington so the we can be together. At this point I do not know what to do. Help me please
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reader, emmylou +, writes (27 October 2005):
He is basically having his cake and eating it. Please wake up. No matter what he says to you, he will NEVER leave his wife and 3 kids - if he has 3 - I'm presuming they're pretty young. He just wants a bit on the side whilst his poor wife is exhausted and running the house. Don't get your hopes up and certainly don't mention this to him. Have you met his kids at all?!
I know this sounds a bit 'harsh', it's not meant to be at all - I'm actually stressing right now about whether I should have an affair with a married man who also has 3 kids and another one on the way! But, really, they're just after the attention and the sex - he will never leave you for his family. Just enjoy the 'no strings' and have a ball! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): All the time you are with him like this he wont see any reason to make things serious with you as you are making it too easy for him to have it everyway he can..put yourself first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): What's wrong with this picture? Give your head a good shake here, girl! Why do you feel so low about yourself that you would even agree to have an illicit affair with a married man who has children. What an incredibly selfish thing to do. Think hard about this-what does this say about him as a man? Not much except one word-loser. This is not a man. He is a leach preying on you and using you for sex. Statistics show most married men never leave their wife and kids. If he is doing this with you, you can bet he will do it with someone else, eventually. He is lying through his teeth to you, to his wife, to his children. Do you want to have sex with a liar and cheat or with someone with morals and scruples and just be his "leftovers". Save your gift of love for a man who loves you; one you can love and respect--not a cheap affair with a loser. Get your head on straight and think about this.
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reader, pops +, writes (27 October 2005):
Is the man still married? If so, you are just a " fling ". Is he supporting his exwife? He may have no choice about getting serious. He may not be able to afford to do so.
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