A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my new bf (I suppose) for about a month. I am the only person he is seeing so I think we are in an relationship. He is nice to my friends and he doesn't mind my housemates knowing that we are together.He has a good friend who just broke up with his gf and is having a hard time. I joked about seeing his friend and we could have a three-some(I was obviously joking because I am a conservative person and we haven't had sex and he knew it) he laughed and said,"sure, I will tell him my.." I had a feeling that he wanted to say “gf” but he paused and said my name instead and finished the sentence.Today we were walking together and I held his arm. A homeless guy saw us walking and said I was cute and he envied my bf. Later that night I tried to hold his hand when we were walking. He didn't put his hand away from mine but I felt that he wasn't into it. I told him my friend asked whether if we were going out and maybe it was bad for him to let people know about us since he used to be my instructor a year ago. He is a graduate student and he is 10 years older than me.(I just turned 23, he is 33) He said it wasn't a problem but rumors are hard to deal with and he didn't like people to gossip.I understand his concerns. Actually, deep down, I don't feel comfortable letting people know that I am going out with my previous instructor. But I don't want to have a secret relationship.I plan to talk to him why he didnt want to hold my hand, if is it because he didn't want people to find out about us. However, since I have the same concern, I wonder if my worries are necessary.
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female
reader, littletigle11  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 No i think you're thinking like someone who cares.x
You're thinking in his interests. Which he should appriciate...And by that i mean, not hide you, as such.
But like with my guy, work always seems to stress them out, and we get rare moments together, but the rest of the time they would seem distant.
If there's love there and you belive he's genuine, then fight for it and just be there fro him.
If there isn't, i'd walk. It'll hurt, but it'll hurt more later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think he will insist us being secret if I tell him I don't want one because I've told him I was hurt by a secret relationship a few years ago and I hated being secret.
However he will be graduating soon and he wants to be a professor. I don't want our relationship to hurt his reputation and cause any troubles for him in job hunting. Do you think I am thinking too much?
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A
female
reader, littletigle11 +, writes (20 April 2009):
You should always be true to yourself. Always.
If you don't feel it's right, don't do it. And vice versa. It saves the hurt on either of you.
If you love him truely, it wouldn't matter what others have said. It's between you and him, no one else. You are dating him, not them.
You do right in talking to him. If he's not happy and wants you's to be a 'secret', it would suggest he's ashamed...
It doesn't matter what you were or what you did, the past is the past, now you's are together, you want to be thinking about the present with each other.
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