A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been with my boyfriend for three and a half years, we live together and I have felt for a while now that we are ready to get engaged. It took a long time for him to come around to my way of thinking but he seems to be planning an engagement (what I have deduced from slip-ups he's made when talking) - however, he's made it clear that a wedding isn't on the agenda for quite some time after and he can take or leave the engagement as it's mostly to make me happy. I appreciate that he wants to make me happy, but don't think an engagement should be based on compromise, but that he should propose for the right reasons. I have always felt that he can take or leave being in the relationship and when we've argued about getting married, he's completely shut off and if I suggest breaking up, he just goes along with it. I know that suggests I should just leave as he doesn't feel strongly, but from past experience, everytime I leave he offers me the world on a plate to win me back and I always believe he's genuine. We live together and I don't want to do anything rash - but I feel like he is incredibly lucky to have me and can't understand why he doesn't feel as I do. Should I give up on him coming around to the idea, do I give him an ultimatum or am I just being unreasonable? I try my hardest to make him happy and I feel like it's now not reciprocated.
View related questions:
engaged, split up, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Such enthusiasm he shows about getting engaged to you! Wonderful! (NOT).
If he doesn't want to get married - and yes, three and a half years is plenty long enough for him to know whether he does or doesn't wish to - there is no way on this green earth that you can force him to make the commitment you want. And guess what? Even if you COULD nag, force, trick him into it, he'd resent you for ever.
You are not being unreasonable at all. You've tried discussing it with him, and its gone nowhere. He may well want to just keep you around, but if this is not what you want (and clearly its not) you'd do well to cut your losses and make the break final, no second chances or re-thinking your decision, because if you WERE to give him a second chance, you would find yourself right where you are now.....so let him go from your life!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): I'm sorry to say that it looks like he is not going to make a committment to you. Three and a half years is plenty of time to decide whether you love someone enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them. He is not the one for you. It is not your fault or his... it was just not meant to be. Move on and find someone who sweeps you off your feet and loves you unconditionally.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 April 2009):
He'll chase you and offer you the world... but if he doesn't follow through then it's just words and it doesn't mean anything.
You are very right that he should not be proposing just to stop you nagging for commitment. It means nothing if he has no intention of marrying you.
I'm sorry to say this but I think you need to walk away as he obviously is happy having you around but if he's not willing to put in effort then what is the point?
Tell him you don't think he wants you as much as you want him and you are thinking of walking away because the idea of a meaningless engagement is breaking your heart and you can't take that pain. Don't just say "I'm going to leave you so there!" or he'll think you don't care about him. Tell him you love him so much but you can't take this any more.
If he doesn't do anything to keep you then walk away and don't take him back.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
