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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my bf asked me one time as to why that he cannot visit me at home,were just been 6mos. with this relationship yet i did told him that my father is so strict that he might get angry , im 25 years old but due to my respect to my father ive been a good daughter enough to follow what he wants. my bf's telling me that if my father will asked him anything he said its not hard for him to answer it for he said his not afraid to face it coz for him his able and he has work already and not that young anymore he's already 30 years old.the questions that keeps on haunting my mind are: is it ok with him to keep our relationship secret? is it an insult in his mans ego? is this will affect his respect towards me? do he will find this as if i dont have all the love for him for in that case im showing him that im not that serious yet? or is it ok if i have to ask him bout his side of opinion regarding this matter? in what way? please help Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 25 seems fairly old to be still under the thumb of your father. You don't say where you live, and I realize that different cultures expect different moral conduct. Since you obviously live under his roof, you are subject to his rules and regulations, no matter how archaic.
I would try to explain to your father that you are seeing someone and you'd like your father to meet him.
If your father doesn't agree to meet him, I think I'd be looking for a new place to live. You need to spread your wings and fly!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 hi there
in my culture you can only introduce a boy or a girl you are going to marry, if today i have a new beau i bring him to my parents, next month is a new one i bring him home, another one comes along you still takes him home this behaviour is seen as disrespectful towards your parents. your parents might only be aware you are seeing someone they dont even have to know the name. you can only bring him home when you know that his family will be coming for lobola /dowry negotiations the following month. so i would say if your father follows the same tradition just explain it to your bf. your father doesnt have to get involved you dont even need his approval you are 25. and the truth is culture or no culture he probably been waiting for this moment a longtime, so tell him you found someone and make his day. good luck.
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