A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently I met my second cousin for this first time ever. to get an idea of the relationship: his mom is my great aunt. So his mom is my grandmothers sister.When he first walked into the door, I had no idea who he was, but there was an instant connection. Does love at first sight really exist?He's not the best looking. He's a little strung out from being a recovering meth addict (I don't do any drugs), he doesn't have a job and still lives with his mom at the age of 27. everything about him screams "RUN!" doesn't it?yet, even though there was a family reunion going on, and plenty of people in my family I haven't seen for years, I ended up talking to him one on one, out in the yard, for SIX hours! we had no idea that much time had past. I felt like I had known him my whole life! It came naturally. I had this deep spiritual connection to him. Like we had been together in a past life. And I couldn't help myself.. I leaned in and kissed him. And to my surprise, he didn't pull away. Instead, he gently put one of his hands on my cheek and the other on my hip and kissed me backed. it was intense. I felt like I had been kissing him my whole life. I felt like I have kissed him many times before. Like that me and him had a bond that neither of us had known existed until this point. And at the same time, I felt like it was the first time I've ever truly kissed someone... like really really felt the moment of the kiss. (I'm also 27, so ive done my fair share of kissing) but this kiss... I don't know. My mind went blank. Its not that I couldn't think straight, I literally just could not think at all. I was completely lost in the moment. Now here we are, a week later, still texting each other back and forth with the same connection, no I-kissed-my-cousin-awkwardness. He wants to meet up again. We both have no intentions of anything sexual happening between us (except I wouldn't mind feeling that moment again and kissing him again). We honestly just connected that deep through our words that we just want to hang out. But he says he feels the same towards me as I do him. actually he said it first before I ever admitted it to him because it feels wrong. well, it doenst feel wrong. I feel like society is just telling me it SHOULD feel wrong. but I cant stop thinking about him. I've always struggled with remembering peoples faces, but his face is burned into my brain. I see his goofy smile all day in my mind. and it just brings such a sense of peace to me. Is this wrong? should I continue down this path with him? or is it too taboo? I've heard of a bunch a famous second cousins being married (Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt for one) and second cousin marriage isn't banned in any of the states (only first cousin marriage). so is it really all that wrong?and I know this isnt "lust". again, hes not the greatest catch with all his flaws. but even when he walked through that door and I first saw him, I saw right through all his flaws to his beautiful soul. This guys has me all strung out on euphoria. HELP! I would like to know the worlds opinion!
View related questions:
cousin, drugs, grandmother, kissing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2015): Just to let you know I don't think its illegal to date or marry your biological cousin.in your case this is only a second cousin.the only reasons that there are these barriers is because of genetics when it comes to kids.I don't think its immoral at all.If you look at history we are all interconnected in the uk because the kings and lords of the manors use to consider it their right to bed any pretty female with or without their consent.Over the years they toned it down to being with their consent.I would say that if you Skype for four hours a day you are definitely interested in each other.I myself once had an attractive cousin but I was from one of thosevreligious families that believed babies arrived on stalks until I connected with other people who had different attitudes.I think you can legally marry your cousin without it being too big a deal even if it is unusual.your family may not see it that way though so I would get legal advice and wave it around when they start complaining.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (25 November 2015):
Thanks for the update and glad you are feeling better over it and having a whole lot of fun with this. Be sure to update us!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the opinions guys! Update on the situation: Me and him, despite not seeing each other since that fateful day that brought us together, are just as, if not more, connected. We skype everyday. I think the lowest amount of time I've spent in one day skyping with him was 4 hours. Its usually on average 7-10 hours. We NEVER run out of things to talk about. We have discussed "us" and both agree to just see what the universe has planned for us. we both agree forcing ANY kind of relationship (lovers, friends, family members just trying to get along, etc) is never a good idea. Until then, we just talk everyday, are very open about everything, and the feelings towards him have only grown stronger. He has plans to come see me perhaps next week. Maybe I'll update after then, if anyone is interested.
Thanks again. I feel semi better about the whole things that it's not COMPLETELY frowned upon.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (13 November 2015):
A relationship with him isn't what I'd recommend but I can clearly see you are in a total crush over this guy. You are having a lot of communication with him, so try to find out how mutual the attraction is without freaking him out. Is he all twitterpated over you, too? Or did he just enjoy a fairly innocent kiss and return in part to be polite?Ordinarily I would say turn and run. However, crushes like this are rare and they are the magic of our lives when they do happen...just the best things ever. This level of heat might happen only once or sometimes never in a person's life. We just hope they happen with someone not so controversial. I would slowly and cautiously pursue this, keeping it a secret from the family so that you don't become spectacles and ruin family relationships. If it continues you'll have to make it public. If you truly look happy together, most if not all of the family will understand. I'd have a much different answer if this was a much closer relative.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015): Gee. I thought we would be seeing a lot of responses to your question. Maybe everyone agrees with the one and only post so far and just leaving it at that. I don’t entirely agree though. Sure, you need to use your head, but is there no alternative??? Must you just give up and forget about it? Personally, I’m not so much for quitting.
I had a fling with my second cousin, we were only sixteen. She was the first girl I ever kissed. We kissed in bed too, but only kissed…
OK, back to you now. You know, oh you know, that his current circumstances - recovering, no job, living at home, etc are not the best foundation for a lasting relationship. And there may be disapproval from family and relatives. And what do you mean, “we have no intention of anything sexual happening”? You know, oh you know, that if you two got together again in a private place and you kissed him, it would soon, very soon, get physical. Oh, no, I’m not saying it’s wrong, but we may as well admit it. And you know, oh you know, how much you want to get together with him again.
Whether this ends well or badly depends upon how strong willed you are. What can you do so this does not end badly? Admit to yourself that you do not know this person. You have only known him for 6 hours. You are moving too fast. It is not going to work if you continue that way. It would be a disservice to him and yourself if you rush headlong into a relationship. Go back to the beginning. There is a slower way to develop healthy relationships, in seven sequential steps – acquaintanceship, companionship, friendship, intimate friendship, sensual friendship, sexual/spiritual lovers, and life partners. Each step takes time and leads to increasing intimacy. Become his friend and get to really know him. Do what you can to help him get through his problems, so that they are no longer impediments to a serious relationship – not as lovers, but as friends. Can you hold yourself back? He probably cannot, so it’s going to be up to you to control the situation. What’s wrong with trying it and seeing where it leads? You believe he has great potential – go down this road and see if it is true. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (10 November 2015):
Right at the start of your letter-YOU- answered your own question-RUN-because this is your gut feeling.I can understand that you had a romantic encounter for 6 hours with your second cousin in fact it was a magical time re your conection with this man.But reality must step in to your life so please stand back from this situation for awhile and think good and hard before you make a decision to meet this man.Try and make the decision with your head and not with your heart.Kind regards.NORA B.
...............................
|
