A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm scared of intimacy and commitment. Every time I like someone or someone likes me, instead of getting closer to them, which I want to do so much, I push them away. I haven't gone further than dating because I just scared of going to the next step, I've never been able to tell anyone why I don't, they just think I lose interest. I very rarely tell people how I feel because I'm also scared of rejection. I don't know how to solve this problem because I don't know WHY I do this. I think it may be because I wasn't shown much love or affection as a child and my mum used to put me down whenever I did something wrong, along with seeing her constantly fighting with my stepdad. I just want to be able to open up to people and trust people but I don't know how, I don't know where I'm going with this, just need to vent my frustration because I'm worried I'll end up a lonely old woman. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): I can relate - I am the exact same way! I go out with guys quite often but once they get too close I just shut down and distance myself. So I took a step back and tried to figure out what's the worst that could happen if I committed. For me, I didn't want to lose the freedom to hang out with my friends. Obviously all relationships require both give and take. As long as the guy gives me a bit of space to see my friends, I'm no longer scared of committing.
Think about it this way .. if you get along with a guy as friends then you'll get along when you're in a relationship. If after a few dates there is something there, slowly let yourself get closer to him and don't pressure yourself by thinking about the next step. No one said you have to jump into a committed relationship right away. I'm a firm believer that with time you will open up, you just have to allow yourself that time with a guy instead of pushing them away. You've dated before so obviously guys are showing an interest in you and if you let them I'm sure they will eventually show you love and affection.
Good luck!!
A
female
reader, incendia1990  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Deja vu, except i dont know why i am the way i am. the good news is you know why this is happening. i think that 1) you should tell them whats going. Even if they reject you, they need to know whats going on and if they reject you for that, they are not worth it. 2) i say when you like someone, take your time. theres no need to rush and rushing will only make things fall through rather than the alternative which will make you grow even closer to the person and may make you 10x more comfortable being with the person because it'll give you time to be ready to be with them. Ill keep checking back on this question to see what happens. let me know how everything works out.
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