A
female
age
36-40,
*lue_eyez19
writes:I have a really bad jealousy problem and im so scared that its gonna ruin my 3 yr relationship what should i do? please help me!!!!!!!!!!
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sincere_07  +, writes (9 June 2007):
I totally know where your coming from. Insecurity can lead to making yourself ill and worse still destroying your relationship.
Try and find what it is that is making you so insecure. Have you gained a few pounds (i usually feel like this if i do)? Have you been under a lot of stress? Have you had a discussion about something and you have discovered something about your partner that has put you on edge? Have you caught him checking out other girls?
A men checking out other girls is nothing to be jealous over, all men do it (and if they deny it they are lieing) and it is just a healthy interest. I am quite sure if you're in your car on a hot day and you pass some hot work men you have a glance over. Men do this a lot more than women and are not as decreet about looking but, they all do it. I've caught my boyfriend doing it during a trip to ASDA. I have since discovered this is due to boredom, and looking at me trying to decide what stirfry would be best for tea is not as interesting as watching the girls go by.
It is upsetting and i do sometimes get my hair of with it but at the end of the day who is he going home with? Who does he cuddle up to at night? Who knows his inner most secrets? YOU DO, not the girl in the tight jeans bending over messing about with peppers, or the girl at the bar who winks at him.
If girls are checking out your man HEY, take pride in what you have. If women are looking they are most likely thinking what a lucky so and so you are.
Only you can find the answer to why your feeling this way, and only you can correct this situation. Why are you putting yourself down? Because in a way by being so jealous you are telling yourself that you, for whatever reason, are not good enough for this person and this is making them look elsewhere. This, most likely, is not the case at all your partner could be completely unaware of the situation.
Three years is a long time to be in a relationship, maybe a nice break away together. Just spending some extra time together could help the situation. Please try and discuss how you're feeling with your partner this is something you can get over together. After three years your fella must know you really well and if he is anything like most men, he is probably aware of the tension but is scared to ask you what is wrong through fear of opening a can of worms.
Don't destroy your relationship over this, if this is just over reaction you can both sort this out together. If your partner is unwilling to help, however, you may wish to have the relationship discussion. A partner needs to be sensitive about how you're feeling and try and help not just laugh it off.
I do hope this helps x
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (9 June 2007):
 Being jealous is usually a sign that you have low self-esteem. If you don't have a view of yourself as a worthwhile person you don't think other people see you as worthwhile either and you fear that they'll prefer someone else.
The first thing I think you should do is work on learning to love yourself. Make a list of all the good things people have said about you, all the compliments you've ever had, all your achievements. I'll bet you find you're an amazing person! There are some very good self-help books available that work you through building up your confidence. One is '90 Days to a New Life Direction' by Laura Berman Fortgang.
Once you've learned to see yourself as you really are you'll find you won't get so jealous because you'll KNOW that you're special and this person likes YOU, not someone else. Three years is a long time to be in a relationship. Would he still be there if he was looking around for someone else?
The danger is that you'll chase him away by being jealous. It's a very destructive thing in a relationship. A good philosophy is: 'if he doesn't appreciate and want me then I'll find someone who does'. Reminding yourself of that can help to stop you feeling jealous too. Hope this helps a bit.
...............................
|
