A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HI I THINK IM A LESBIEN IM 21YRS OLD AND SCARED STIFF, NOT MANY THINGS HAVE GONE RIGHT AT THE MIN. MY FAMILY ARE ALL AGAINST GAY PEOPLE MY FRIENDS ALL THINK IF YOU SWING THAT WAY YOU SHOULD BURN I KNOW ITS BECAUSE THIER ALL CHRISTIANS. ITS HARD TO MEET ANYONE AT ALL WHO KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. I DONT WANT TO LOSE THE ONLY THING I HAVE IN MY LIFE BUT IM SCARED THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE A LIFE IF I DONT DO ANYTHING CAN YOU HELP ME. JAG
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks i came out to my bf by going to our favourite place we sat and had a few drinks and the words just came out her face was in shock but then she smiled and we talked about it we both agreed that i should relax and start to try and find a way to get me my life back and not tell my dad. hopes this helps you tell your friend. since telling my friend i feel better and i hope you feel better as well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Thats great...try to find some friends that are also lesbian or gay because then you can start going to places to meet people. It gets a lot better but best of luck im glad your friend knows...Hey can i get a lil advice in return since you did tell your best friend?.... my best friend is the hardest part for me but i dont know how to tell her how did you tell yours and how did she react?
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A
female
reader, sam_14  +, writes (26 August 2007):
omg im in the exacttt same situation. except i think its easier for me to keep this to myself because i consider myself bi and rather than lesbian. what i wud do is just keep it to myself, but have an entirely separate life that doesn't involve ur christian/homophobic friends. test the waters a bit, how much wud it suck to come out to everyone and find out hey..maybe im not so lesbian afterall...so anyway as bad as it sounds to lead a double life sometimes its the only way, no one has to know ur business except u. i'm christian and most of my christian friends have no clue about me, i smoke and drink and they have no idea. but when it comes to ur sexuality, unless u find a woman and it gets serious to the point where u know u want to be with this person for the rest of ur life kind of thing...then that crosses a certain line where it is necessary for ur family and close friends to know...then u gotta see how they react, if they're christian chances are its going to be negative, then u gotta hope that even though they may not understand...that they will still love u and treat u the same...thats the beauty of christianity...real christianity though...because it doesn't say in the bible to condemn or treat homosexuals differently, ur supposed to love everyone right?anyway im sure if u came out to some of ur christian friends u'll find that a lot are in the same boat as u (like me) but just haven't had the courage to say it, like when i confessed to some of my friends about my smoking habit...they were like omg u smoke! me too!...as tough as ur situation is (and believe me i know)...there are many ppl in the exact same situationso its up to u...open up to a few ppl who u r close with and see how they react or what i wud do is keep that life separate from family and christian friends until its absolutely necessary...i.e u find someone ur serious about
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the advise but i do think i will never be able to tell my farther or sisters but i think i will have to do something soon or i will never be happy. Today i told my best friend she took it very well. It totaly shocked me how well she took it.she seid to relax and see what happens. thanks very much to all. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): Hey there sweetie,
First of all they should LOVE THY NEIGHBOR if they are christian. And find friends that will accept you for who you are its a lot easier to come out to your family when you have friends who have been through what you have and can guide you. I just wanted to tell you im on the same boat. When I first started hanging out with my gay friends my mother told me it wasnt right and that she knew what the bible said! However, I told her well i know how i feel and that I love my friends unconditionally and that either they were going to learn to accept it or we were going to have some issues. Later after I had found myself comfortable with who i am and what I want to do in my life regardless of their opinion I chose the person I thought would help me through it the best and not take it so harshly. Now dont get me wrong she didnt believe me and told me it was who i was hanging around with. Which is def. a load of bs! I have never felt so comfortable with myself and happy with my life until the day i told my sister that i thought i might be a lesbian. I still havent told my parents but after talking about rights and few examples they have loosened up a lot. Just make sure you know that is what you want and how you really feel before you really get it out there. They are your family girl and if they cant accept you for who you are they need to change their ways. You feel ten times better once somebody knows and you dont have to hide it any more.
So what I am getting at here is sit someone down you trust with your life and who you know will probably take it hard but not as hard as someone else in your family. I now have told my cousin who i was going to tell last because i figured that she would be the hardest to tell. She told me she loved me no matter what that blood is thicker than water. I hope your family will realize that you are their daughter and nothing will change that. Its your life darlin' live it the way you want and the way that makes you happy!
Experiment a little and see if this is what you want and if it is don't be ashamed be happy you can be who you are without someone telling you how you should be. People need to realize times are changing and its your choice who you love. Love knows no gender!....good luck and if you want to talk about it anymore let me know my email is [email address blocked] or feel free to myspace me www.myspace.com/jordeyraye....Best of wishes to you and dont let it getcha down i promise once you come out and find people to hang out with its like a second family! much love
newbi
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (24 August 2007):
 You have to be who you are; you won't be happy pretending.
First find out for sure whether you are a lesbian, and find some like-minded Christians to help you out: http://www.christianlesbians.com/
If you have to change churches, it's worth it. Don't tell your family until you're more comfortable with who you are. Once you have some outside support, you can decide if telling your family is worth it.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (24 August 2007):
 Firstly, please don't send messages in CAPITAL LETTERS. They will not make your problem seem any more dramatic, so I suggest from now on you stop doing so.
Anyway. This does seem like a problem here!
This should all come down to your happiness. If it will make you happier being with a woman, then do it! If your family isn't understanding of this, if your own family is standing in the way of your happiness purely because of their beliefs, then they just aren't worth bothering with.
I understand that this is a pretty big issue, and those are large measures you would be undertaking, but I just don't see why a family is worth sticking around for if they won't respect your feelings. They are forcing you to live through your life, not wanting what you want because of their own beliefs. This will make you unhappy, and probably lonely. And if they would do that just for the sake of their beliefs, then I'm sorry, maybe you just need to get away from them.
As heartbreaking as it is, I see it that, either:
Your family accepts who you are, or who you may be and you continue to have a decent relationship with them. OR they say that what you're doing is wrong, and either resent you, or force you to live a life you don't want.
Best of luck with it, because I know that that must be difficult. It was even difficult to answer, but I hope this has helped you in some way.
Take care.
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